March 26, 2024
36-Domestic Violence SURVIVOR: Danielle Patrice; Part 2
When a survivor turns their pain into power, the world listens. This latest episode features the incredibly courageous journey of a domestic violence survivor who is now a fierce advocate for change, providing an eye-opening look at the intricate web that makes up the domestic violence ecosystem. Hear her story and understand the vital role storytelling plays in healing and reform. She dives into the complexities that stretch beyond just the abuser and victim, touching on generational patterns and systemic failures that perpetuate the cycle of abuse.
This conversation is more than just a personal account; it's an educational experience on the terrifying realities of domestic violence. My guest discusses how enablers contribute to the trauma and the need to tackle betrayal head-on. Throwing light on DARVO, a manipulative tactic used by abusers, she calls for greater awareness and support for those trapped in these destructive patterns. Furthermore, the intersection of neuroscience and domestic violence is explored, revealing how the amygdala and prefrontal cortex play roles in aggression and emotional regulation, offering key insights for societal change.
This episode isn't just a sharing of stories; it's a resource packed with actionable advice for survivors, advocates, and policymakers. Join us and be part of the conversation that aims to empower and inspire a collective movement against domestic violence.
See Danielle’s bio and links on the 1 in 3 website
👉https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/danielle-patrice/
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
00:00 - Understanding Domestic Violence Ecosystem
09:01 - Understanding the Ecosystem of Domestic Violence
14:32 - Impact of Trauma on the Brain
25:49 - Needing Over-Documentation in Relationships
WEBVTT
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:27.472
This is why you know I'm doing what I do, because I know what my children went through.
00:00:27.472 --> 00:00:28.661
I know what I went through.
00:00:28.661 --> 00:00:30.204
You know I work alone.
00:00:30.204 --> 00:00:40.811
I don't do this with others because, at the end of the day, nobody can tell your story like you, nobody can talk about your story and know the ins and outs of it like you can.
00:00:40.811 --> 00:00:52.168
So, for me, that's what led me to wanting to understand this book, or started this book, because what I did, you know, I started advocating understand this book, or started this book, because what I did, you know, I started advocating, I started really seeing, like you know.
00:00:52.168 --> 00:01:00.088
You know, as a, as a survivor now survivor when I was a victim, I was going through the lens, just going through the tunnel you know the tunnel vision and I couldn't see everything else.
00:01:00.088 --> 00:01:07.387
And then having to say everything I went through and it's like, oh my God, I really went through this, and then advocating and start talking about it.
00:01:07.387 --> 00:01:12.414
Where I've met with different you know politicians, where I've met with different organizations and talked about it.
00:01:12.414 --> 00:01:14.566
But the thing, or, you know, talk to different events.
00:01:14.566 --> 00:01:21.042
One of the things I was met with, you know, is I'm so sorry, I'm praying for you and whatnot, and that's all well and good, but that's not what I'm looking for.
00:01:21.042 --> 00:01:23.644
I'm looking for change Me.
00:01:23.944 --> 00:01:39.694
You know, with COVID, like everyone else being home during COVID, I ended up having to be on a I want to say, a quest to figure out what was going on and wanting to understand again what happened to me during this relationship, because I know I'm different now.
00:01:39.694 --> 00:01:42.775
You know we've talked about there's some stories, you know.
00:01:42.775 --> 00:01:43.335
You hear that.
00:01:43.335 --> 00:01:53.784
You know domestic violence does rewire the brain, which is true, and so that's why I went on this quest to understand what happened.
00:01:53.784 --> 00:01:54.367
That's why I have this book.
00:01:54.388 --> 00:01:59.123
You know, neuroscience, the Ecosystem of Domestic Violence, to do the research to figure out that it's not just a couple, it's not just between victim and abuser.
00:01:59.123 --> 00:02:00.106
It's about that.
00:02:00.106 --> 00:02:04.745
This is an entire system that's based off of beliefs, based off of generations of this.
00:02:04.745 --> 00:02:07.953
That's based off of so many things broken systems.
00:02:07.953 --> 00:02:20.525
You know generations of this that's based off of so many things broken systems, laws that aren't enforced, or legislation that's not even enacted yet that could really help the system or help people in this situation.
00:02:20.525 --> 00:02:26.403
Because this information, even from a neuroscience perspective, is not in the courtroom.
00:02:26.403 --> 00:02:31.854
It's not in the courtroom and as humanistic as the legal system is, where you're dealing with all types of behaviors and personalities.
00:02:32.274 --> 00:02:54.551
Could you imagine what would happen in the future if this information, this scientific information, was also in the hands of the courts, where they could honestly, really, you know, hold the abusers accountable and get the help for victims and victim defendants, and also have the abusers accountable and get the help for victims and victim defendants and also have the abusers get help as well, because even you know it's because ostracize them all the way.
00:02:54.551 --> 00:02:58.307
But what happens to people like you know, who are in that situation?
00:02:58.307 --> 00:03:01.221
Like mold grows, it grows in the dark, it festers.
00:03:01.221 --> 00:03:13.030
Now, don't ostracize them, get them to help too, because at the end of the day, they already got a new supply and that's, and they're working up on their next victim, you know.
00:03:13.030 --> 00:03:14.393
So that's the thing you know.
00:03:14.393 --> 00:03:16.104
I, you know why I want this book.
00:03:16.104 --> 00:03:17.487
You know talked about.
00:03:17.487 --> 00:03:23.051
I want this domestic violence awareness, not just awareness, but to to change what you can't understand.
00:03:23.051 --> 00:03:25.804
So this is, this is why this book is out here.
00:03:26.705 --> 00:03:28.048
Yes, which is it's.
00:03:28.048 --> 00:03:31.455
You know, like, how we mentioned before, domestic violence is multifaceted.
00:03:31.455 --> 00:03:37.867
There are so many things that play into it and just quickly going back a little bit to your story, I just wanted to.
00:03:37.867 --> 00:03:41.493
I jotted down a few things that sort of stuck out to me.
00:03:41.493 --> 00:03:57.947
So one when your ex was talking about getting married early that's looking back at it, it's always easier to see red flags, but that is sort of a red flag of, you know, trying to make a commitment early on in a relationship.
00:03:58.707 --> 00:04:19.612
The other thing that you mentioned was abusers act differently when they're your friend versus being in a relationship, and I wonder if it's more of once you become their significant other, you become their property or they have now this control over you.
00:04:19.612 --> 00:04:21.548
So I thought that was interesting.
00:04:21.548 --> 00:04:38.694
Your family abusers like to isolate their victims and so they may move them away or bad talk them to family or friends or whatever, and unfortunately your family helped with that isolation process.
00:04:38.694 --> 00:05:02.805
And then I also feel that they are really good at taking the identification of a person away and I felt when you said you were a very strong, independent woman before this relationship, I immediately thought of myself to same kind of situation and just over time it's like they dismantle every piece of you to where you're just this shell of what you used to be.
00:05:02.805 --> 00:05:11.992
And then now, when you know you need to get out, you don't know where to fall back on because all of that strength disappeared somewhere.
00:05:14.242 --> 00:05:46.220
And then the charisma that you mentioned and I think that's one of the really difficult things for victims is when they have to go into the court system or if they have to plead their case, because they've been victimized and they've been dismantled and now they are this shaky kind of a mess of a person and you're fumbling through this story which in tail could also be re-traumatizing you to a judge who gets to make their own personal decision on what happens ultimately in your situation.
00:05:46.220 --> 00:06:07.101
And then you do have, you know, a variety of things could be a narcissist, could be a sociopath, could be any of those who is able to just talk through what, whatever they feel like they need to talk to, because they don't have that empathy where they can just know they can lie through everything and they don't feel like there's any kind of consequences.
00:06:07.101 --> 00:06:17.735
But anyway, those are just a few things that kind of stuck out to me that seems to be a recurring theme or a common theme within any of these domestic violence situations.
00:06:17.735 --> 00:06:19.906
But back to your book.
00:06:20.920 --> 00:06:26.072
I love that you call it an ecosystem, because that's actually it totally is.
00:06:26.072 --> 00:06:29.485
It's not just the victim, it's not just an abuser.
00:06:29.485 --> 00:06:37.754
And so can you talk a little bit about what you think is included, or what you mentioned is included in the ecosystem?
00:06:38.879 --> 00:07:04.490
So I would just want to start off saying that you know, the reason why it's even called ecosystem is because it's, as you said it before, it's multifaceted, it's layered and for me, as far as the biological term, if I'm going to talk about science, as far as the ecosystem that goes from the atoms, the molecules, it talks about how everything is interconnected, as we talked about how the outside, the sun, affects you.
00:07:04.490 --> 00:07:08.348
If it's too hot outside, you have the trees, the trees, they help keep the shade.
00:07:08.348 --> 00:07:13.221
That's how things affect you in multiple ways.
00:07:13.221 --> 00:07:14.586
Even if you don't realize it, you know it helped.
00:07:14.586 --> 00:07:18.786
You know the sun helps the soil grow as well, as much as the water, the rain.
00:07:18.786 --> 00:07:33.004
And that's what I wanted to to bring a point is is that everything is interconnected, because you may not realize that you have an abuser that's a friend, and and because you may not realize that you have an abuser that's a friend.
00:07:33.004 --> 00:07:39.449
And you know the thing is, if you have a friend that's an abuser and then they're shifting the narrative, you don't realize that you're an enabler Because at the end of the day, you're sitting there defending your friend.
00:07:39.449 --> 00:07:40.745
Well, I know how my friend is.
00:07:40.745 --> 00:07:42.038
Do you really know how your friend is.
00:07:42.038 --> 00:07:46.771
I know how your friend is because I'm with them, I'm married to them, I'm with them, I'm married to them, I'm intimate with them.
00:07:46.771 --> 00:07:48.312
However, do you know how your friend is?
00:07:48.312 --> 00:07:52.295
You don't know them from that angle, and so that's what the point is.
00:07:52.295 --> 00:08:04.682
Is that understanding that it's so many different layers of it that it goes from the brain I talk about the emotions and I'm comparing it to the actual ecosystem, the brain being the atom, the emotions being the molecules.
00:08:05.062 --> 00:08:08.690
The abusers, the victims and victim defendants are the cells.
00:08:08.690 --> 00:08:11.084
You know, and I go so forth into that.
00:08:11.084 --> 00:08:43.543
You know, and because it's taking you step by step, what every level is because in the book I don't call it chapters, I call it levels and because and so you're understanding what this is what's happening on this particular level, this is what's happening on the tissue level, this is what happened at community level, this is what happening on the politics level, the entertainment industry level, this is what's happening on the societal level, and what that's doing is making you understand that this is so much bigger than, oh, those neighbors that are arguing, this is so much bigger than oh, why can't my sister and their boyfriend get along?
00:08:43.543 --> 00:08:49.994
This is so much bigger than that and when people start to understand that it's everybody plays a role in this.
00:08:49.994 --> 00:08:54.451
What role do you play in the person's life when you're being victimized?
00:08:54.451 --> 00:09:02.321
What role do you play when you're you know the abuser and you're not helping the victim, or you're coinciding with the abuser, you know, you know?
00:09:02.341 --> 00:09:05.285
One of the things that I talk about is that in the book is you know?
00:09:05.285 --> 00:09:14.144
In my opinion, I think that some of these enablers need to be arrested because, at the end of the day, if there was a murder, you would be an accessory during the fact and after.
00:09:14.144 --> 00:09:15.311
So what do you think is happening?
00:09:15.311 --> 00:09:26.105
Beforehand, there's abuse happening and there's people who are also coinciding, knowingly and you know, and willingly participating in this situation because the abuser is their friend.
00:09:26.105 --> 00:09:31.626
So I think it's just you know a lot of things that's happening in these circumstances.
00:09:31.626 --> 00:09:47.628
And not to mention, you know, there's a scientist I want to say her name is Jennifer Freud and her work is amazing as well, and I talk about it where it's called betrayal trauma, where the victims are experiencing that, where it's experiencing the you know, the betrayal of someone that they once trusted.
00:09:47.628 --> 00:09:50.783
So this is a complicated situation.
00:09:50.783 --> 00:09:57.368
You have people that you know, still feel betrayed because you know they're this person they know still owes them five dollars.
00:09:57.368 --> 00:10:00.443
Well, what do you think this person is saying, hey, I'm never going to do it again.
00:10:00.443 --> 00:10:05.186
I'm never going to do it again and then betrays their trust over and over and over again, someone that they once trusted?
00:10:05.186 --> 00:10:08.253
That's something that needs to be discussed.
00:10:08.253 --> 00:10:10.342
That's something that needs to be looked into.
00:10:10.342 --> 00:10:16.381
There's another term DARVO, deny attack, reverse victim offender.
00:10:16.381 --> 00:10:20.212
And that's what I mean when they're saying they're shifting the narrative.
00:10:20.212 --> 00:10:25.538
So I think that, with all of these things, that's part of understanding the ecosystem.
00:10:26.058 --> 00:10:43.211
A lot of people like to talk about the gaslighting or the new buzzwords now, but we really need to understand domestic violence as a whole piece of this, this whole entire situation, and to see why is this so effective.
00:10:43.211 --> 00:10:46.273
Why is it one in three and I say one in three women?
00:10:46.273 --> 00:10:58.028
This is more so as victims are women, not abusers, but I mean, let's just say I know men are victims as well, but mine is geared towards women victims and male abusers, just to be clear.
00:10:58.028 --> 00:11:01.764
But why are there one in three women being abused?
00:11:01.764 --> 00:11:04.996
Why is this an epidemic, not just in this country, but in almost every country?
00:11:04.996 --> 00:11:07.543
Why is this an epidemic, not just in this country, but in almost every country?
00:11:07.543 --> 00:11:08.625
Why is this a continued situation of happening?
00:11:08.625 --> 00:11:11.537
Why is it that the government, the legal system, you know things of this sort.
00:11:11.537 --> 00:11:16.397
Why are they able to tackle this on and really put a stop to eradicate this?
00:11:16.397 --> 00:11:20.716
You know, especially when there's budgets being cut, people are falling through the cracks.
00:11:20.716 --> 00:11:21.558
People don't know.
00:11:21.558 --> 00:11:27.638
You know how to really combat, you know domestic violence, so you know it's for this book.
00:11:27.638 --> 00:11:28.783
It's really to understand.
00:11:28.923 --> 00:11:30.511
This is part of the entire ecosystem.
00:11:30.511 --> 00:11:32.960
Everything I'm talking about part of the entire ecosystem.
00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:34.123
How does it affect you?
00:11:34.123 --> 00:11:35.626
Because you may not care about me.
00:11:35.626 --> 00:11:36.697
You know personally.
00:11:36.697 --> 00:11:38.222
It's like you know that's her business, but you know what.
00:11:38.222 --> 00:11:43.225
You have daughters, you have wives, you have sisters, you have nieces, cousins, friends.
00:11:43.225 --> 00:11:49.621
You have all of those people who may have been already victims or may be victims in the future.
00:11:49.621 --> 00:11:58.499
And you have to figure out, understand what is going on in these types of situations and not understand why, when I try to pull you out of it, you're going back to him.
00:11:58.499 --> 00:11:59.563
Why are you staying with him?
00:11:59.563 --> 00:12:00.206
He's abusing.
00:12:00.206 --> 00:12:06.682
You have to understand the dynamics of that and that's why I call this the ecosystem of domestic violence to understand the dynamics of that.
00:12:06.741 --> 00:12:17.178
And that's why I call this the ecosystem of domestic violence, which I think is absolutely brilliant, because when people talk about domestic violence they're like, oh, we need to do something about it.
00:12:17.178 --> 00:12:20.272
But it just seems it's such a cumbersome thing when you look at it as a whole, like what can you really do?
00:12:20.272 --> 00:12:25.527
But when you break it into how you describe the ecosystem, then it's manageable.
00:12:25.527 --> 00:12:43.548
Then you can provide education for society on what they can do as a bystander or a witness and statistically, somebody close to them is going to be a victim of domestic violence at some point in their life.
00:12:43.548 --> 00:12:49.100
So yeah, I love that you describe it as an ecosystem, because it does.
00:12:49.100 --> 00:12:51.506
It makes it like I said, it makes it more manageable.
00:12:51.506 --> 00:12:54.041
You can attack it from different angles.
00:12:54.041 --> 00:12:59.105
It's like this massive beast and you just can come at it from all different points.
00:12:59.105 --> 00:13:02.999
And then do you want to talk a little bit about the neuroscience part, which I thought?
00:13:02.999 --> 00:13:05.184
Of course you know medical nerd.
00:13:05.184 --> 00:13:06.316
I thought was so cool.
00:13:07.076 --> 00:13:16.485
Well, you know, one of the things that you know I'll say, talking about it is that there's a portion of the brain called the limbic system and what that does.
00:13:16.485 --> 00:13:22.426
It regulates the emotion and if there's any sort of dysregulation, it does make that person unstable.
00:13:22.426 --> 00:13:40.822
You know, and one of the things that you know in the brain was just consists of, you know, the amygdala, the hypothalamus, the thalamus and so forth, but there's a portion in the amygdala that's very vital because it does also have the moral decision, or capability to make the moral decision to hurt or harm someone else.
00:13:40.822 --> 00:13:53.131
And so that's one of the things that I thought that was very fascinating, that in this brain, because the brain is like a, you know, it's like an engine in a car, you know, the engine goes, the car don't move.
00:13:53.131 --> 00:13:54.413
Same thing with the brain.
00:13:54.413 --> 00:14:08.427
The brain, you know, is designed to everything in real time, to handle things and also handle things, and I would say, as far as talking about even the hormones, it's not just with seconds but it can go throughout years.
00:14:08.427 --> 00:14:10.392
You know, and that's all with the brain.
00:14:10.392 --> 00:14:12.174
You know with the chemicals and whatnot.
00:14:12.174 --> 00:14:26.048
But anyway, kind of going back to the brain, there's also something called the prefrontal cortex, which is in front, the front portion of the brain, and if that part is damaged in any way, shape or form, then you know that person has a potential to be more volatile.
00:14:26.048 --> 00:14:28.940
So you know, that's some of the things that you know.
00:14:28.940 --> 00:14:30.102
I picked up learning.
00:14:30.102 --> 00:14:31.206
You know as well.
00:14:32.817 --> 00:14:37.576
Now, going back, like I said, I talked about, you know the thalamus and you know or not, thalamus, sorry the hormones and hormones.
00:14:37.576 --> 00:14:51.491
They release a lot of chemicals and some of that's called neurochemicals as well, and one of those is, you know, the cortisol that is also connected to the or in connection with chronic stress, from being in an abusive situation.
00:14:51.491 --> 00:14:59.518
You know, and not to mention, you know, the oxytocin, anyway it's, you know that is also what they call.
00:14:59.518 --> 00:15:08.370
You know that's the I don't say the love drug, but the love chemical that also bonds somebody to another person, and so that also plays a role in that as well.
00:15:08.370 --> 00:15:10.505
That's in as I talked about in the book.
00:15:10.505 --> 00:15:15.466
But you know, and it plays a role even with the trauma bonding, you know, not to mention.
00:15:15.875 --> 00:15:33.571
But the most important thing I want to also say is that even with the, you know, in return, if someone left the restraint like, left the abuser, not only in years, your psychological or not psychological, your physiological makeup, your profile makes you a decade older.
00:15:33.571 --> 00:15:39.642
I'm in my 30s but my body can say I'm in my 40s.
00:15:39.642 --> 00:15:40.203
By being in a situation.
00:15:40.203 --> 00:15:42.815
You know your body, you know it's channeling all of that.
00:15:42.815 --> 00:15:48.908
All of that chronic stress is channeling all of that which can make you know it can damage your body.
00:15:48.908 --> 00:15:55.321
It can cause a lot of stress and disease in your body, like that dis-ease it can cause like a heart disease.
00:15:55.321 --> 00:16:01.014
It can cause causes a lot of problems within your body to go through being in this situation.
00:16:01.134 --> 00:16:02.657
It's deeper than just you know.
00:16:02.657 --> 00:16:04.798
This person is saying you know I don't like you.
00:16:04.798 --> 00:16:14.971
It has a full on I would say a full on attack on your body, a full on attack on your brain.
00:16:14.971 --> 00:16:21.900
You know it is a full on attack on you spiritually as a full attack on you the whole nine.
00:16:21.900 --> 00:16:33.971
And so you know, with that said, I feel like with the brain, it is very important to understand how powerful the brain truly is, how very complicated the truth, because it is a complicated organ.
00:16:34.554 --> 00:16:54.995
I'm not a neuroscientist but I am giving you certain points, but I feel that what's important is that you have to understand the dynamic of the brain with the, even with the neurochemicals, because the dopamine that's the rewarding that plays a role in that.
00:16:55.620 --> 00:16:59.210
The bottom line is just that, the fact that the brain is a.
00:16:59.770 --> 00:17:09.159
It's very important to understand that the brain is a very complicated organ and what it does it can rewire your brain, that the brain is a very complicated organ and what it does it can rewire your brain.
00:17:09.159 --> 00:17:15.212
Not only in that situation, you also understand the abuser, because even there's a you see what the brain looks like in the ridges.
00:17:15.212 --> 00:17:25.244
There's ridges in your brain and what that does is, if this consists of, like white and gray matter, and if that gray matter dissipates, if it's pretty much, you know, reduced, that also leads to schizophrenia.
00:17:25.244 --> 00:17:35.755
It also leads to some sort of mental health or mental illness and it's not as fully in my opinion, it's fully discussed how important the brain is.
00:17:35.755 --> 00:17:44.201
You know we have heart health, we have, you know, lung health and all these things reproductive health, but I don't see as much with brain health.
00:17:44.201 --> 00:17:54.374
And that's just my opinion and I think it's very important to understand that, because the brain is very much impacted, just as much as your body, when it comes to domestic violence.
00:17:55.935 --> 00:18:04.192
Absolutely, and, like you said, the brain is the control center, and you mentioned earlier how things can become rewired.
00:18:04.192 --> 00:18:22.348
It can become rewired to where then your body will have reactions, and you also mentioned triggers that can happen, you know, later in life, where all of a sudden you're experiencing physically something that's going on and you don't understand why, but it's somewhere in that neuro pathway.
00:18:22.348 --> 00:18:29.808
Your brain saw something that was familiar and brought you back to that traumatic event and now you're having this reaction to it.
00:18:29.808 --> 00:18:52.710
You also in the book you mentioned, like Pavlov, yes, yes, and I think that has a lot to do to to do with it too where all of a sudden you start to learn to associate certain experiences, sounds, whatever, with something else and perhaps develop a fear for it, develop a connection to it.
00:18:53.111 --> 00:18:56.181
And I'm glad you brought up Pavlov's dog, because I did not mention that.
00:18:56.221 --> 00:19:01.492
But yes, because that's the other thing, talking about behavior conditioning as well.
00:19:01.492 --> 00:19:12.902
And the thing is, is that for those who may not be familiar with Pavlov's dogs as well, and the thing is, is that for those who may not be familiar with Pavlov's dogs, ivan Pavlov, he did a study.
00:19:12.902 --> 00:19:16.614
I'm going to say early 1920s or not 1920s, I want to say early 1900s definitely.
00:19:16.614 --> 00:19:24.112
But what he did was he would have a bell with his dog and he basically the dog correlated the bell along with getting food, and when he didn't ring the bell, he had the food out every the same time.
00:19:24.112 --> 00:19:25.434
But when he had the bell, the dogs would come and get the food.
00:19:25.434 --> 00:19:27.038
And when he didn't ring the bell, he had the food out every the same time.
00:19:27.038 --> 00:19:29.307
But when he had the bell, the dogs would come and get the food.
00:19:29.307 --> 00:19:37.465
But when he didn't ring the bell, the dogs wouldn't move because they thought that, you know, they're waiting for the bell, and so that's just a way of conditioning someone.
00:19:37.465 --> 00:19:40.759
You know, even when you compare it to domestic violence, it's the same thing.
00:19:40.759 --> 00:19:46.053
They're grooming them, they're, you know, brainwashing to become this puppet of them and of themselves.
00:19:46.053 --> 00:19:49.268
So so it's, you know, that's one of the things I did, you know did.
00:19:49.328 --> 00:19:51.722
In contrast, the same thing is fear conditioning.
00:19:51.722 --> 00:20:08.494
What I talked about with um in the book with, uh, baby Albert, you know, with that story, is that you know that one was definitely the 1920s and that's unfortunately that that study was never finished because the baby was like at least nine months and the mother was like so concerned, like no, I don't want him, you know, in this study anymore.
00:20:08.494 --> 00:20:11.508
But the thing was it was the scientists.
00:20:11.508 --> 00:20:20.152
What they were doing was they were having this baby who had no fears, no phobias or whatnot, and they were creating phobias, you know, with certain objects.
00:20:20.152 --> 00:20:41.028
And what that was was it was an object like a bunny rabbit, a white bunny rabbit, and once he grabbed the white bunny rabbit, then they put on a loud noise and made him cry, and they would do this over and over again and then he developed a phobia of this bunny because it was associated with making this loud noise.
00:20:41.028 --> 00:20:43.674
And so that's fear conditioning and that's part of the things that I talked about.
00:20:43.674 --> 00:20:47.750
And that's how they're doing this, associating us with certain things.
00:20:48.079 --> 00:21:08.420
You know we, like you, think about it as a survivor, you have certain memories that you know that may be triggered by what you're watching, by triggered by what you're eating, maybe a certain place where you go to get a baby, triggering for you, and that's because the fear condition that has been placed upon you with this particular abuser, because of the fear of conditioning that has been placed upon you with this particular abuser.
00:21:10.819 --> 00:21:14.435
So I think that you know, even though these are separate studies, completely separate studies for a completely different reason, it all goes back to domestic violence.
00:21:14.435 --> 00:21:17.188
At the same point it all talks about domestic violence.
00:21:17.188 --> 00:21:34.824
It relates to domestic violence because these are the tactics that abusers use and I think that that's very important to understand that this is what it looks like being in these situations, because it's a bunch of tactics, it's manipulation, it's constant lying, it's constant.
00:21:34.824 --> 00:21:56.590
I mean, it's always something, whether they're denying constantly things, whether they're hot and cold, whether they're abusive, like you said earlier, they're breaking you down to the point where you are less of a person, where you are nothing but a shell, and they're able to easier to now to exploit you, to control you, to whatever they want to you.
00:21:56.590 --> 00:22:00.006
You know, unless you know when you're ready to leave, then they try to kill you.
00:22:00.006 --> 00:22:09.493
So you know, these are the kind of things that is so important that, even though, again, these are different studies for different, totally different reasons, they still go back and relate to domestic violence.
00:22:10.940 --> 00:22:35.884
Absolutely, and I think the victims then, and who then become survivors, and when they find a healthy relationship, even though that individual may be exactly the most perfect, exactly the most perfect well, there's no such thing as a perfect person, but a stable, healthy, mentally normal individual they can still do regular behavior that may trigger that survivor.
00:22:35.884 --> 00:22:45.279
To revert back to, all of a sudden, having this fear or uncertainty of of what's happening and, you know, may lose faith in this person or trust in that person, right.
00:22:46.423 --> 00:22:46.644
Right?
00:22:46.644 --> 00:22:49.111
No, you're absolutely right, and that's the thing it's, just it's.
00:22:49.111 --> 00:22:52.190
It's a very scary situation to be in for anybody.
00:22:54.040 --> 00:22:56.250
And I I don't want to make it now.
00:22:56.250 --> 00:22:57.454
We're making it sound very hopeless.
00:22:57.454 --> 00:23:12.931
So it's not necessarily hopeless, because even though your, your neurons, your neuropathways may be rewired, there are ways to work through that and to become someone who can trust or love someone again or feel comfortable.
00:23:12.931 --> 00:23:26.394
You may still have these buried triggers that you don't even know are there, but there are different things that you can do to become, you know, be able to go out in society again and not be fearful of everything.
00:23:27.141 --> 00:23:29.989
Right, but I do want to say that it's not about being hopeless.
00:23:29.989 --> 00:23:37.144
It's about this is the real situation, and the thing is is that you know a lot of people want to, you know, try to make it so light.
00:23:37.144 --> 00:23:43.044
And the thing is is that this is the problem is, is that we have to say exactly what it is.
00:23:43.044 --> 00:23:53.932
Yeah, there are times you're going to feel hopeless, you're going to feel powerless, but you also have to have you know when you you're ready, you will, and that you know your soul is going to enough's enough.
00:23:53.932 --> 00:23:58.703
You're going to get there and you're going to get to that point where it's like you know I'm going to fight through this and and.
00:23:58.703 --> 00:24:03.070
But you also have to understand this is what happens in these types of situations.
00:24:03.431 --> 00:24:15.125
You know I'm, you know and I've done different, like a lot of podcasts where I've talked about you know people were talking about how you know they want it lighter, and the thing is is that that's why it's not getting resolved, because until you go through the darkness, you cannot get to the light.
00:24:15.125 --> 00:24:18.342
You have to go into the depth of it and that's the whole point.
00:24:18.342 --> 00:24:18.883
It is a.
00:24:18.883 --> 00:24:24.112
There were years before COVID where I felt trapped and felt hopeless and not knowing how to get out of it.
00:24:24.112 --> 00:24:43.808
But the fact that I am out of it and you're right that you know there are different neural pathways that can help you with getting into, you know, into a better situation, and you know the brain is plastic, so as a plasticity that it can help you, you know, getting out of the traumatic I don't want to say phase, but getting out of the trauma, getting yourself out of that.
00:24:43.808 --> 00:24:51.970
So it's not that it's impossible, but it's the fact that we got to get there and see that and have the correct research out there to get us to that point.
00:24:53.373 --> 00:25:02.925
Absolutely, and knowledge is power, so you need to know what's happening to be able to develop the strength to get yourself to propel forward.
00:25:02.925 --> 00:25:06.945
Okay, is there anything else in the?
00:25:06.945 --> 00:25:12.619
I know, like I said, I don't want to talk totally about the book, because I want people to be able to read through it too, because it's great information.
00:25:12.619 --> 00:25:15.288
Is there anything else you wanted to touch on with the book?
00:25:16.202 --> 00:25:18.204
No, I just want you know I hope people can?
00:25:18.204 --> 00:25:21.961
You know you can get on Amazon, you can get on Barnes and Nobles, and you know.
00:25:21.961 --> 00:25:26.866
I just wanted to thank you for listening and just really I really appreciate being on the show today.
00:25:27.428 --> 00:25:29.109
Oh, I'm so happy you came on the show.
00:25:29.109 --> 00:25:29.410
This is.
00:25:29.410 --> 00:25:31.332
This is wonderful and we're going to.
00:25:31.332 --> 00:25:44.412
You'll have a bio that will be linked to this episode, so if people want to find the book, they should be able to just click on that and it will take them to where they can buy the book.
00:25:44.412 --> 00:25:44.833
Is there anything?
00:25:44.833 --> 00:25:49.626
So I guess it's sort of the same question, but worded maybe two different ways.
00:25:49.626 --> 00:25:58.042
Is there anything that you would feel like you'd like to tell somebody who's actively in a relationship, or is there something that you know now?
00:25:58.042 --> 00:26:05.810
Well, there's a lot of things you know now that you wish you could tell your previous self, I'm sure, but is there anything that really sticks out in your mind?
00:26:06.759 --> 00:26:17.351
I think for anyone that's in a current situation, the one thing you have to do is over-document Document and finding ways to have your documentation.
00:26:17.351 --> 00:26:18.505
You've got to set it to yourself.
00:26:18.505 --> 00:26:23.612
If you've got to trust someone with your documents, do what you have to do.
00:26:23.612 --> 00:26:26.432
Make sure you have all your ducks in a row.
00:26:26.432 --> 00:26:30.393
And the reason why is because you know when you go through that courtroom you have to overprove.
00:26:30.393 --> 00:26:42.006
When you go to the police station you're going to have to overprove that you are a victim in a situation and you know you may not know how to you know, converse or conduct yourself because you're flustered, because you're in this situation that you're trying to get out of.
00:26:42.006 --> 00:26:44.029
You're frustrated, but it's a time.
00:26:44.029 --> 00:26:47.414
Let your papers, let your documentation be your guide.
00:26:47.414 --> 00:26:48.664
Let them talk for you.
00:26:50.059 --> 00:27:08.944
That's perfect advice, okay, so incredible story, incredible amount of work and research into this book, and I think it's going to prove to be very helpful for not just victims, not just survivors, but any advocates, anybody who really wants to make a difference in the world of domestic violence.
00:27:08.944 --> 00:27:14.967
So I'm so happy, I'm so appreciative for you to come on today and share all of this information with us.
00:27:14.967 --> 00:27:16.991
Thank you so much for having me.
00:27:17.051 --> 00:27:18.662
I really I'm so grateful to be here.
00:27:18.662 --> 00:27:20.424
Thank you, okay, thank you.
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:27.472
00:00:27.472 --> 00:00:28.661
00:00:28.661 --> 00:00:30.204
00:00:30.204 --> 00:00:40.811
00:00:40.811 --> 00:00:52.168
00:00:52.168 --> 00:01:00.088
00:01:00.088 --> 00:01:07.387
00:01:07.387 --> 00:01:12.414
00:01:12.414 --> 00:01:14.566
00:01:14.566 --> 00:01:21.042
00:01:21.042 --> 00:01:23.644
00:01:23.944 --> 00:01:39.694
00:01:39.694 --> 00:01:42.775
00:01:42.775 --> 00:01:43.335
00:01:43.335 --> 00:01:53.784
00:01:53.784 --> 00:01:54.367
00:01:54.388 --> 00:01:59.123
00:01:59.123 --> 00:02:00.106
00:02:00.106 --> 00:02:04.745
00:02:04.745 --> 00:02:07.953
00:02:07.953 --> 00:02:20.525
00:02:20.525 --> 00:02:26.403
00:02:26.403 --> 00:02:31.854
00:02:32.274 --> 00:02:54.551
00:02:54.551 --> 00:02:58.307
00:02:58.307 --> 00:03:01.221
00:03:01.221 --> 00:03:13.030
00:03:13.030 --> 00:03:14.393
00:03:14.393 --> 00:03:16.104
00:03:16.104 --> 00:03:17.487
00:03:17.487 --> 00:03:23.051
00:03:23.051 --> 00:03:25.804
00:03:26.705 --> 00:03:28.048
00:03:28.048 --> 00:03:31.455
00:03:31.455 --> 00:03:37.867
00:03:37.867 --> 00:03:41.493
00:03:41.493 --> 00:03:57.947
00:03:58.707 --> 00:04:19.612
00:04:19.612 --> 00:04:21.548
00:04:21.548 --> 00:04:38.694
00:04:38.694 --> 00:05:02.805
00:05:02.805 --> 00:05:11.992
00:05:14.242 --> 00:05:46.220
00:05:46.220 --> 00:06:07.101
00:06:07.101 --> 00:06:17.735
00:06:17.735 --> 00:06:19.906
00:06:20.920 --> 00:06:26.072
00:06:26.072 --> 00:06:29.485
00:06:29.485 --> 00:06:37.754
00:06:38.879 --> 00:07:04.490
00:07:04.490 --> 00:07:08.348
00:07:08.348 --> 00:07:13.221
00:07:13.221 --> 00:07:14.586
00:07:14.586 --> 00:07:18.786
00:07:18.786 --> 00:07:33.004
00:07:33.004 --> 00:07:39.449
00:07:39.449 --> 00:07:40.745
00:07:40.745 --> 00:07:42.038
00:07:42.038 --> 00:07:46.771
00:07:46.771 --> 00:07:48.312
00:07:48.312 --> 00:07:52.295
00:07:52.295 --> 00:08:04.682
00:08:05.062 --> 00:08:08.690
00:08:08.690 --> 00:08:11.084
00:08:11.084 --> 00:08:43.543
00:08:43.543 --> 00:08:49.994
00:08:49.994 --> 00:08:54.451
00:08:54.451 --> 00:09:02.321
00:09:02.341 --> 00:09:05.285
00:09:05.285 --> 00:09:14.144
00:09:14.144 --> 00:09:15.311
00:09:15.311 --> 00:09:26.105
00:09:26.105 --> 00:09:31.626
00:09:31.626 --> 00:09:47.628
00:09:47.628 --> 00:09:50.783
00:09:50.783 --> 00:09:57.368
00:09:57.368 --> 00:10:00.443
00:10:00.443 --> 00:10:05.186
00:10:05.186 --> 00:10:08.253
00:10:08.253 --> 00:10:10.342
00:10:10.342 --> 00:10:16.381
00:10:16.381 --> 00:10:20.212
00:10:20.212 --> 00:10:25.538
00:10:26.058 --> 00:10:43.211
00:10:43.211 --> 00:10:46.273
00:10:46.273 --> 00:10:58.028
00:10:58.028 --> 00:11:01.764
00:11:01.764 --> 00:11:04.996
00:11:04.996 --> 00:11:07.543
00:11:07.543 --> 00:11:08.625
00:11:08.625 --> 00:11:11.537
00:11:11.537 --> 00:11:16.397
00:11:16.397 --> 00:11:20.716
00:11:20.716 --> 00:11:21.558
00:11:21.558 --> 00:11:27.638
00:11:27.638 --> 00:11:28.783
00:11:28.923 --> 00:11:30.511
00:11:30.511 --> 00:11:32.960
00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:34.123
00:11:34.123 --> 00:11:35.626
00:11:35.626 --> 00:11:36.697
00:11:36.697 --> 00:11:38.222
00:11:38.222 --> 00:11:43.225
00:11:43.225 --> 00:11:49.621
00:11:49.621 --> 00:11:58.499
00:11:58.499 --> 00:11:59.563
00:11:59.563 --> 00:12:00.206
00:12:00.206 --> 00:12:06.682
00:12:06.741 --> 00:12:17.178
00:12:17.178 --> 00:12:20.272
00:12:20.272 --> 00:12:25.527
00:12:25.527 --> 00:12:43.548
00:12:43.548 --> 00:12:49.100
00:12:49.100 --> 00:12:51.506
00:12:51.506 --> 00:12:54.041
00:12:54.041 --> 00:12:59.105
00:12:59.105 --> 00:13:02.999
00:13:02.999 --> 00:13:05.184
00:13:05.184 --> 00:13:06.316
00:13:07.076 --> 00:13:16.485
00:13:16.485 --> 00:13:22.426
00:13:22.426 --> 00:13:40.822
00:13:40.822 --> 00:13:53.131
00:13:53.131 --> 00:13:54.413
00:13:54.413 --> 00:14:08.427
00:14:08.427 --> 00:14:10.392
00:14:10.392 --> 00:14:12.174
00:14:12.174 --> 00:14:26.048
00:14:26.048 --> 00:14:28.940
00:14:28.940 --> 00:14:30.102
00:14:30.102 --> 00:14:31.206
00:14:32.817 --> 00:14:37.576
00:14:37.576 --> 00:14:51.491
00:14:51.491 --> 00:14:59.518
00:14:59.518 --> 00:15:08.370
00:15:08.370 --> 00:15:10.505
00:15:10.505 --> 00:15:15.466
00:15:15.875 --> 00:15:33.571
00:15:33.571 --> 00:15:39.642
00:15:39.642 --> 00:15:40.203
00:15:40.203 --> 00:15:42.815
00:15:42.815 --> 00:15:48.908
00:15:48.908 --> 00:15:55.321
00:15:55.321 --> 00:16:01.014
00:16:01.134 --> 00:16:02.657
00:16:02.657 --> 00:16:04.798
00:16:04.798 --> 00:16:14.971
00:16:14.971 --> 00:16:21.900
00:16:21.900 --> 00:16:33.971
00:16:34.554 --> 00:16:54.995
00:16:55.620 --> 00:16:59.210
00:16:59.770 --> 00:17:09.159
00:17:09.159 --> 00:17:15.212
00:17:15.212 --> 00:17:25.244
00:17:25.244 --> 00:17:35.755
00:17:35.755 --> 00:17:44.201
00:17:44.201 --> 00:17:54.374
00:17:55.935 --> 00:18:04.192
00:18:04.192 --> 00:18:22.348
00:18:22.348 --> 00:18:29.808
00:18:29.808 --> 00:18:52.710
00:18:53.111 --> 00:18:56.181
00:18:56.221 --> 00:19:01.492
00:19:01.492 --> 00:19:12.902
00:19:12.902 --> 00:19:16.614
00:19:16.614 --> 00:19:24.112
00:19:24.112 --> 00:19:25.434
00:19:25.434 --> 00:19:27.038
00:19:27.038 --> 00:19:29.307
00:19:29.307 --> 00:19:37.465
00:19:37.465 --> 00:19:40.759
00:19:40.759 --> 00:19:46.053
00:19:46.053 --> 00:19:49.268
00:19:49.328 --> 00:19:51.722
00:19:51.722 --> 00:20:08.494
00:20:08.494 --> 00:20:11.508
00:20:11.508 --> 00:20:20.152
00:20:20.152 --> 00:20:41.028
00:20:41.028 --> 00:20:43.674
00:20:43.674 --> 00:20:47.750
00:20:48.079 --> 00:21:08.420
00:21:10.819 --> 00:21:14.435
00:21:14.435 --> 00:21:17.188
00:21:17.188 --> 00:21:34.824
00:21:34.824 --> 00:21:56.590
00:21:56.590 --> 00:22:00.006
00:22:00.006 --> 00:22:09.493
00:22:10.940 --> 00:22:35.884
00:22:35.884 --> 00:22:45.279
00:22:46.423 --> 00:22:46.644
00:22:46.644 --> 00:22:49.111
00:22:49.111 --> 00:22:52.190
00:22:54.040 --> 00:22:56.250
00:22:56.250 --> 00:22:57.454
00:22:57.454 --> 00:23:12.931
00:23:12.931 --> 00:23:26.394
00:23:27.141 --> 00:23:29.989
00:23:29.989 --> 00:23:37.144
00:23:37.144 --> 00:23:43.044
00:23:43.044 --> 00:23:53.932
00:23:53.932 --> 00:23:58.703
00:23:58.703 --> 00:24:03.070
00:24:03.431 --> 00:24:15.125
00:24:15.125 --> 00:24:18.342
00:24:18.342 --> 00:24:18.883
00:24:18.883 --> 00:24:24.112
00:24:24.112 --> 00:24:43.808
00:24:43.808 --> 00:24:51.970
00:24:53.373 --> 00:25:02.925
00:25:02.925 --> 00:25:06.945
00:25:06.945 --> 00:25:12.619
00:25:12.619 --> 00:25:15.288
00:25:16.202 --> 00:25:18.204
00:25:18.204 --> 00:25:21.961
00:25:21.961 --> 00:25:26.866
00:25:27.428 --> 00:25:29.109
00:25:29.109 --> 00:25:29.410
00:25:29.410 --> 00:25:31.332
00:25:31.332 --> 00:25:44.412
00:25:44.412 --> 00:25:44.833
00:25:44.833 --> 00:25:49.626
00:25:49.626 --> 00:25:58.042
00:25:58.042 --> 00:26:05.810
00:26:06.759 --> 00:26:17.351
00:26:17.351 --> 00:26:18.505
00:26:18.505 --> 00:26:23.612
00:26:23.612 --> 00:26:26.432
00:26:26.432 --> 00:26:30.393
00:26:30.393 --> 00:26:42.006
00:26:42.006 --> 00:26:44.029
00:26:44.029 --> 00:26:47.414
00:26:47.414 --> 00:26:48.664
00:26:50.059 --> 00:27:08.944
00:27:08.944 --> 00:27:14.967
00:27:14.967 --> 00:27:16.991
00:27:17.051 --> 00:27:18.662
00:27:18.662 --> 00:27:20.424
Mother/Author/ Domestic Violence Survivor/ Activist
Danielle Patrice, 37, mother of two, originally from New Jersey.
Danielle Patrice graduated from Tennessee State University c/o 2008 with a Bachelor of Science in Speech Communications with an emphasis in Mass Communications. Danielle Patrice passionately advocated through her personal experiences to create awareness about Domestic Violence, speaking at events meeting with politicians, and organizations to further implement change for victims and survivors!
