Challenging Myths: Why Sexual Assault is About Power, Not Sex

Sexual assault is a pervasive and deeply damaging issue in our society. Yet, despite its prevalence, it is often misunderstood. One of the most damaging misconceptions is that sexual assault is primarily driven by sexual desire. This blog post aims to dismantle this myth and shed light on the true nature of sexual assault: it is fundamentally about power and control, not sexual gratification. Drawing from the insightful conversation with Tracy DeTomasi in the latest podcast episode, "86-Unmasking Sexual Violence: Survivors, Systems, and Solutions With Tracy DeTomasi", we will explore how understanding this distinction is crucial for prevention and response efforts. In this episode, Tracy clarifies confusing terminology around sexual violence, explains why survivors frequently freeze during attacks, and discusses how our systems fail survivors. We delve into innovative solutions like Callisto, a technological platform revolutionizing how survivors can find justice. Understanding these issues is key to creating a safer world and better supporting survivors of sexual violence.

The Core Issue: Power and Control, Not Sex

The misconception that sexual assault is about sex is not only inaccurate but also harmful. It perpetuates victim-blaming, minimizes the trauma experienced by survivors, and obscures the true motivations of perpetrators. Sexual assault is, at its core, an act of violence intended to exert power and control over another person. It is about domination, intimidation, and the assertion of superiority.

When we frame sexual assault as being about sex, we inadvertently sexualize the act, suggesting that it is somehow related to desire or attraction. This is simply not the case. Perpetrators may use sexual acts as a means to achieve their goal of control, but the underlying motivation is not sexual gratification. 

Consider the different forms that sexual assault can take. It can range from verbal harassment and unwanted touching to rape and sexual coercion. In all of these instances, the common thread is the abuse of power. The perpetrator is using their position of authority, physical strength, or social influence to violate the victim's boundaries and assert their dominance. This can occur between strangers, acquaintances, family members or even within intimate relationships. The dynamic of power imbalance is the critical factor.

This distinction is crucial for understanding the patterns of sexual assault. Perpetrators often target individuals they perceive as vulnerable or less powerful. They may prey on individuals who are younger, disabled, or in a subordinate position. Recognizing this power dynamic is essential for prevention efforts. It allows us to identify and address the factors that contribute to this imbalance, such as societal norms that perpetuate gender inequality or institutional structures that protect perpetrators.

Deconstructing the Terminology and Challenging Myths

The language we use to discuss sexual assault is often loaded with ambiguities. This can make it difficult to have clear and honest conversations about the issue. It's important to clarify the terminology and challenge the myths that surround sexual assault.

One common misconception is that sexual assault only occurs between strangers. In reality, the vast majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. This could be a friend, family member, partner, or colleague. This statistic highlights the fact that sexual assault is not just a matter of physical danger but also a betrayal of trust.

Another myth is that victims are somehow responsible for their own assault. This can manifest in statements like, "She should have been more careful" or "He was asking for it." These statements are deeply harmful because they shift the blame away from the perpetrator and onto the victim. No one ever "asks for" or deserves to be sexually assaulted. The sole responsibility for the assault lies with the perpetrator.

Furthermore, there is a pervasive myth that victims must fight back in order to be considered "true" victims. This is based on a misunderstanding of the physiological and psychological responses to trauma. In reality, many victims freeze, dissociate, or become compliant during an assault. These are not signs of consent or complicity but rather involuntary reactions to extreme fear and stress. 

It's crucial to use accurate and respectful language when discussing sexual assault. It's also important to avoid victim-blaming language and to focus on the actions of the perpetrator.

Why Survivors Freeze: Understanding the Response to Trauma

A common question that arises when discussing sexual assault is why victims don't fight back. This question stems from a misunderstanding of the body's response to trauma. When faced with a life-threatening situation, the body automatically activates a survival mechanism. This can manifest in a number of ways, including fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

The "freeze" response is a common reaction to trauma. It involves a state of paralysis or immobility. The victim may feel unable to move, speak, or resist the assault. This is not a conscious decision but rather an involuntary physiological response. It is believed that the freeze response is an attempt to minimize harm by appearing less threatening to the perpetrator.

The "fawn" response involves trying to appease the perpetrator in order to avoid further harm. The victim may become compliant, agreeable, or even friendly in an attempt to de-escalate the situation. This is also a survival mechanism, not a sign of consent or complicity.

It's important to understand that these responses are not signs of weakness or passivity. They are adaptive mechanisms that help the victim survive a traumatic experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to respond to sexual assault. Each victim's experience is unique, and their response is valid.

Blaming victims for their response to trauma is deeply harmful. It perpetuates the myth that they are somehow responsible for the assault. Instead, we should focus on understanding the physiological and psychological effects of trauma and providing support and resources to survivors.

Accountability and Systemic Failures

One of the biggest challenges in addressing sexual assault is the lack of accountability for perpetrators. In many cases, perpetrators are never held responsible for their actions. This can be due to a number of factors, including underreporting, lack of evidence, and systemic failures in the justice system.

Underreporting is a significant problem. Many victims are afraid to report sexual assault for a variety of reasons, including fear of retaliation, shame, and distrust of the justice system. As Tracy discussed in the podcast episode, the burden of accountability often falls unfairly on survivors.

Even when cases are reported, it can be difficult to obtain convictions. Sexual assault cases often rely on witness testimony, which can be unreliable. There may also be a lack of physical evidence. In addition, the legal system is often biased against victims, particularly in cases where the perpetrator is known to the victim.

Systemic failures in the justice system also contribute to the lack of accountability. Sexual assault cases may not be taken seriously, and prosecutors may be reluctant to pursue them. These failures send a message that sexual assault is not a serious crime and that perpetrators will not be held responsible.

To address this problem, we need to reform the justice system. This includes improving training for law enforcement officers, prosecutors, and judges. It also includes implementing policies that protect victims and hold perpetrators accountable. Additionally, we need to challenge the societal attitudes and beliefs that contribute to the problem of sexual assault.

Callisto: A Technological Revolution for Survivors

Callisto, a nonprofit technology platform, is revolutionizing how survivors can find justice on their own terms. As Tracy DeTomasi, CEO of Callisto, explained in the podcast, the platform uses end-to-end encryption to allow anyone with a .edu email address to securely record information about their perpetrator. This provides survivors with a safe and confidential space to document their experiences.

The key innovation of Callisto is its "matching" feature. If another survivor enters matching information about the same person, they can be connected through a confidential advocate who explains their options if they so choose. This allows survivors to connect with others who have been through similar experiences and to explore their options for seeking justice.

Callisto empowers survivors by giving them control over their own stories. They can choose whether or not to report their assault, and they can do so on their own terms. The platform also provides survivors with access to resources and support, including legal assistance and counseling.

Callisto is a powerful example of how technology can be used to address the problem of sexual assault. By providing survivors with a safe and confidential space to share their stories, the platform is helping to create a more just and equitable world.

How Callisto Empowers Survivors

Callisto's impact extends beyond simply providing a technological platform. It fundamentally shifts the power dynamic, placing agency back in the hands of survivors. Here's how:

• Confidentiality and Security: The end-to-end encryption ensures that survivors' information is protected. This encourages them to come forward and document their experiences without fear of exposure or retaliation.
• Informed Decision-Making: By connecting survivors who have experienced similar harm, Callisto allows them to make informed decisions about whether to report, seek legal action, or simply connect with others for support.
• Validation and Community: The matching system fosters a sense of community and validation for survivors. Knowing that they are not alone and that others have experienced similar harm can be incredibly empowering.
• Reduced Isolation: Sexual assault often leads to feelings of isolation and shame. Callisto helps to break down these barriers by connecting survivors with others who understand their experiences.
• Systemic Change: By collecting data on repeat offenders, Callisto can help to identify patterns of abuse and hold institutions accountable for protecting their communities.

Callisto is not just a tool; it's a movement that is changing the way we respond to sexual assault. It is empowering survivors, holding perpetrators accountable, and creating a safer world for everyone.

Resources and Support for Survivors

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, it is important to know that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you heal and recover. Here are some helpful resources:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE
• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): https://www.rainn.org
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
• Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/

These resources can provide you with confidential support, counseling, legal assistance, and other services. Remember, you are not to blame for what happened to you. You deserve to be heard, believed, and supported.

Conclusion: Reframing the Conversation Around Sexual Assault

Reframing the conversation around sexual assault is essential for creating a safer and more just world. By understanding that sexual assault is about power and control, not sex, we can challenge the myths and misconceptions that perpetuate this crime. We can also hold perpetrators accountable and support survivors in their healing journey.

Technological advancements like Callisto, as discussed with Tracy DeTomasi in the podcast episode "86-Unmasking Sexual Violence: Survivors, Systems, and Solutions With Tracy DeTomasi", are crucial for empowering survivors and providing them with a safe and confidential space to share their stories. By connecting survivors and providing them with access to resources and support, we can help them heal and rebuild their lives.

It's up to all of us to challenge the societal attitudes and beliefs that contribute to the problem of sexual assault. We need to create a culture of respect and consent, where everyone feels safe and valued. By working together, we can create a world where sexual assault is no longer tolerated.