79-Nobody Grows Up Thinking This Will Happen to Them

WEBVTT

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Hi, allie, I am super excited for you to come on today.

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You have an incredible, crazy story to tell and a lot of information regarding your advocacy as well, so we're going to break this up into two episodes.

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Episode one is your story.

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Episode two we'll talk about your advocacy, but I am so appreciative of you coming on and taking the time today to go over all of this information.

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Well, thank you so much for having me on today.

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It is an honor and a privilege.

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I really admire what you're doing.

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This podcast is incredible.

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Bringing awareness to the severity of these issues is imperative to making a change.

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And you know, for me personally, as Allie all read, I never grew up thinking these things would happen to me.

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Um, no one ever grows up thinking they're going to be a human trafficking, kidnapping, sexual assault and domestic violence survivor.

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You know, as a kid I wanted to be an actress.

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I wanted to be a singer.

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I wanted to be all the things that I thought you know were singer.

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I wanted to be all the things that I thought you know were goals in my life and special and rainbows and butterflies.

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You know what I mean.

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But unfortunately, you know, um, I was not dealt a great hand.

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Um, I was born to a pretty young mother.

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Um, she was only married to my father for about a year.

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Um got divorced and I lived in a pretty volatile home.

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You know, I had a lot of love, but there was a lot of inconsistency and there was a lot of fighting between my family.

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We primarily lived with my grandparents, since my mom was so young and she needed help with caretaking and she was pretty absent the first seven years of my life, not intentionally, just, you know she did the best she could and I, you know, think that all the time.

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You know, she was going to school she was doing whatever she could, but I was primarily in my grandparents' care and they got divorced after 48 years.

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So you can kind of imagine the volatility that happened there and my mom and my grandma just butt heads, so you know when they would get into fights.

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She would pick me up, we would move away to a friend's house until you know resources ran out or money ran out, and then we would come back home and it kind of just went like that.

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On top of that, when I turned three, I started getting sexually assaulted by my father and you know I remember doing my first kind of sane kit with my mom and she was digging through my private parts and I asked her what she was doing.

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I was probably like five or six, you know, maybe five at the time and she goes.

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You know I'm looking for worms and like at the time, like I just knew that was not right, and she put me with hypnosis, like I went under hypnosis.

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I went through the legal system.

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I did, you know, went with social workers, all sorts of stuff, and ultimately there was not enough evidence to hold him, so we just continued with life.

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My mom ended up getting remarried, uh, to my stepdad and, uh, he legally adopted me because, you know, my father obviously could care less about me and he gave up his rights to me.

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Um, you know he wasn't paying much child support so it didn't really matter to him.

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Uh and uh, you know, things were pretty good for a little bit in my life and you know, things were pretty good for a little bit in my life.

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You know, my dad had a construction company at the time.

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He was a builder, so we would move into spec homes and live there for a little bit and move around.

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So I moved around a lot, you know, during my life, and especially in my childhood and my adult life.

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But you know I didn't have a lot of stability.

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And my adult life, but you know I didn't have a lot of stability.

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I was really excited when my mom got pregnant with my first sibling that I had prayed for.

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I was very excited.

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But, you know, once my siblings started to be born, I kind of felt like it was their family and me and the dynamic really changed for me and I eventually, you know, turned to drugs and alcohol as a kid and I was about 16 when I started drinking and it was really affecting every aspect of my life.

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I eventually ended up, you know, being passed off to different family members, you know, because no one could keep custody of me.

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I went back to my grandparents' house Um, you know, they were.

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I remember, you know, taking a knife away from one of them and using it as a talking stick on the couch.

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Um, you know, it was just like now you talk, now you talk, now you talk, kind of thing.

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And it was just, it was.

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I was like 17 at the time.

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So my aunt in California was like no, this isn't happening.

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And swooped in and, you know, got custody of me.

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And, you know, two weeks later my uncle died of a heroin overdose and I was just not in a good place and I just started drinking and drugging even more and I was probably 5'8 and 110 pounds.

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I had developed trichotillomania as a kid, which means that you rip out your own hair as a self-harm.

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It's kind of like biting your nails, an uncontrollable urge.

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I still struggle with it.

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I've slicked my hair up because I still stress out, because I still struggle with it, and that goes to say that these things are everlasting.

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Your childhood foundation really does lay a solid foundation of how it's going to affect your life.

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But it is in your control with how you react to things.

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But your hand, your adult, is not in your control, unfortunately.

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But I ended up going to boarding school and that's how I graduated with a GED in Texas.

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You know, after I graduated I left the boarding school.

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I came back, moved in with my grandparents.

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They got divorced shortly after.

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I tried being Mormon, as I was raised for a little bit, because I felt that was the right thing, even though that wasn't what meshed with me.

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But I ended up, you know, getting a college boyfriend.

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We weren't necessarily in a domestic, but it was very toxic.

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He was very mentally ill and I didn't realize that.

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I knew something was always different with me, but I hadn't gotten a diagnosis.

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At that time I was in my early 20s, when we had broken up.

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I checked myself inpatient to figure out what was going on, where I was diagnosed bipolar 1.

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And I started an outpatient therapy group for six months where I met a group of five people and then we became very close.

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One of them committed suicide, so the four of us became super, super close.

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I proceeded with my life.

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I went to aesthetic school.

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I worked as an esthetician for a doctor.

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I became a patient care coordinator, eventually ended up leaving that job, became a medical rep and in 2020, after I had got the great job you know, I had just adopted a dog, I had just got my Audi, my dream car, everything.

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I get a phone call.

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I'm drinking wine you know it's a Saturday night.

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I'm watching Grey's Anatomy, not doing anything crazy, which is really weird for me because I was such a party girl at that time for me to be home doing that, and so that was just so odd because, like for me, like I was doing mushrooms on a Tuesday, like you know, molly, on a Thursday, like you know, I, I got an appendectomy from you know, and I got shipped from the T-Pain concert to the ER and they couldn't even like operate on me because I I was on Molly, my whole family showed up and it was just like I was horrified, but I digress, you know.

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So I get this call and it's one of those people I had met in the therapy group and he was an immigration lawyer.

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We were very close.

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I had, you know, babies, had his kids.

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He had actually defended me on a rape case that I lost.

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So, um, we wrote it, we were tight and he was hysterical.

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I've never heard anyone hysterical like this in my whole entire life.

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And he said can you come check on me?

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And I said, well, I've been drinking, you know I can't, I can't come check on you, but, um, uh, you can call me an Uber, and you know I can.

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I can come see how you're doing.

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I mean, I can't drive, but you can call me an Uber.

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And so I take an Uber over there and I walk into the house and there's a whole table full of guns, passports, multiple cell phones, ids and cash.

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My stomach just dropped, my heart just dropped to my stomach.

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I felt like I was going to throw up and I went to leave.

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He grabbed me by the back of my hair, slammed me down and I proceeded to get assaulted and be you know for what felt like days.

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Was he the only person in the house?

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Yes.

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Or were there other people?

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Oh, my God.

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There was no one in the house and he lived up in kind of the hills of like way, kind of far out of the city in Utah, so like the neighbors weren't close, he had just built this house Like no one could hear me screaming, no one could hear me crying, and like he was in a psychosis, I believe, of some sort because he kept calling me his ex-wife's name.

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So I did what Oprah, you know, suggested to do and I humanized myself.

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I was like you know me.

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We went to therapy together.

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I'm Allie, like I went, like you know, I, you're hurting me, you're hurting me, you're hurting me, like all this stuff.

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And eventually I was able to break away from him for a little bit.

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I ran upstairs, grabbed my phone as he was coming after me I knew I wasn't getting out I pressed voice record real quick because it was one of the top things.

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I was a singer-songwriter, I play guitar and I sing, so it was one of the top things.

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When I scrolled down one of my apps, so I went boom, if I'm going to die, people are going to know how I die, right, which is one of the things I brought to court that you know he got criminally charged, obviously for.

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But anyway, I ended up escaping.

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I was hospitalized for my injury.

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Short after, and two weeks after that I tried to commit suicide.

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I'd take a whole bottle of Xanax, I'd take a whole bottle of Ambien and I'd drink it down with a bottle of rum or whatever I was drinking at the time I think it was rum and I get, you know, sent to the hospital.

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They pink slipped me in Utah is what they call it.

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So I had to go, not by choice and once I was released from the hospital, I went right back to work.

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I was having debilitating breakdowns at work Debilitating Did they mandate any kind of therapy or anything after that?

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Or are they just like?

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Good luck to you, goodbye.

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And yeah they.

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I mean my boss, who you know, him and his wife I'm still close with now.

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They're like a second family to me.

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He essentially told me Allie, look, you got to take a six month unpaid medical leave or we got to put you on unemployment.

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And I was like fuck I was like you know, I got to go on unemployment and which I never even filed for because I started doing a ton of coke to stay awake because this man claimed that he had ties with the cartel.

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Later finding out he's saying he's laundering money for the cartel.

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All this stuff making all these threats, and these cars are following me and detectives are texting me saying do you recognize this car?

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Do you recognize this car?

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And I can't sleep at night.

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I'm doing a ton of cocaine with my upstairs neighbor just to stay awake, who was a dancer and taught me a lot of my moves later in life.

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And you know, I met my ex who was our dealer and he knew all about my situation.

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He knew all about me.

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You know, he was from the East Coast.

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Like he was tough, he was hard.

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He was a Nigerian ex-marine LA crip, like you know, super tough guy, which made me feel super safe because I felt like he was scarier than the person I was dealing with.

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You know what I mean.

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So when I was losing my apartment he said you know, come move in with me, I'll take care of you.

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Like it's going to be fine.

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I got to two weeks into it he's laying hands on me, you know, fast forward.

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Um, you know I'm living in like the only sketchy part of Utah.

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Um, you know, uh, I I still have my dog at the time Her name's Misha.

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Uh and, uh, you know, I end up getting pistol whipped, uh, raped, drowned in a bathtub with aspirational fluid in my lungs.

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He chips my tooth a plethora of things.

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I even eventually lost my child from a beating during that time.

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And you know, one of these times, like I finally admitted, I had like a problem and I called my family, like after I lost my child, and I was like I need to go to rehab.

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And so I went to rehab to get away from him primarily, but because of the Stockholm syndrome and the abuse and everything, I ended up AMA-ing out of there and going straight back to him.

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I was only there two days before.

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I was begging to come back and you know, by the grace of whatever I believe in, they allowed me to come back.

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But then I asked if we could do couples therapy.

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Yeah, did he let you go to rehab, or did you have, to like, sneak out and go?

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I wasn't living with him at the time, because this was one of the many times that I would pick up and leave and say I'm done, I'm never going back.

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So this was.

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I was already out at that point, but he was actively trying to get me back, you know.

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I was like you know, actively at that time.

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So he was happy to pick me up from rehab when I left early.

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He was delighted, you know, and like he, he also was delighted when I left, because he he gets sick of me, like you know what I mean.

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Like he only wants me when I'm behaving and doing what he's wanting me to do, and the second I'm acting out of pocket, you know that's when he doesn't have any regard for me or my life.

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Um, you know I actually had gotten a job after I lost my job as an IT rep.

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I was a sales and marketing director for an IT company.

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I sold BK, kenwood, motorola devices to cops and firefighters and I would have to show up to conferences with handprints on my arm, which I mean I was a heavy alcoholic at that time, doing a ton of cocaine too, and not only that, he had me dealing cocaine.

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He would leave me for days at a time bagging up for him and like it was a mess.

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But I eventually lost that IT job.

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And then when I went to rehab you know I actually still had that IT job until I had gotten out of rehab and you know they let me go.

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I actually still had that IT job until I had gotten out of rehab and they let me go.

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But now my old boss is totally supporting what I'm doing in my nonprofit.

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But it was a really, really scary time for me.

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I had even tried to leave to California once and I crashed out and ran out of money and had to come to him.

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I tried to leave to Vegas once.

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I almost got trafficked again.

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That was the first time I almost got trafficked and he ended up fleeing to Costa Rica after he got arrested because my ex called the cops because he knew each other.

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They had beef.

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He was actually from.

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When I met him, he was actually from Salt Lake and said cancel your plane ticket.

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I had run away from my ex.

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At one point um went to go.

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Someone told me to escort out there, which was like the first time I had done that, um, other than like when I had posted ads of myself on Craigslist as a really young girl, uh.

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But I didn't know what I was doing Right and so, uh, I went out.

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I ended up, uh, you know, basically getting robbed and I met this dude who was like I'm from Salt Lake, cancel your ticket, let's get married in Vegas, let's do all this stuff and we ended up.

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He ends up driving this stolen car that I come to find out back to Salt Lake, gets my stuff.

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We go to stay in my family's condo and then my ex calls the cops on him and he gets arrested because my ex wants me to come back to him.

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So that's a totally different story.

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I don't think I've ever told many people well not a lot of people but um, you know that's crazy and so um so you know, and meanwhile, the first guy, the one like with all the arms and all of that, is he.

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He's in jail.

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Is he still threatening you?

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So?

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he's in jail and he bails out very quickly because he's a lawyer.

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How, oh my God, he's a lawyer and he's on an ankle monitor which he keeps violating to drink.

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He's like taking it off and like putting alcohol on it or like whatever he's doing to like disable it, I don't know, but like he kept fucking up, oh my God, like whatever he's doing to like disable it, I don't know, but like he kept fucking up Like and like they still, like I'm still in a civil lawsuit with him, and like he got criminally charged but you know how many years later, almost five years later, you know I'm in a civil lawsuit still with him and because of what happened to me after that, like I'm losing Because, like in the state of Utah, they very much frown upon anything sexually related and because I was trafficked after that, I have a losing case now Because they couldn't get a hold of me for so many years after that, because I had to keep changing numbers, I had to keep getting phones.

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You were hiding.

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I was hiding, yeah.

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So eventually I go into hiding away from my ex.

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I'm renting I'm like 45 minutes out away from him.

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I'm renting month to month and I start getting ketamine treatments from the doctor I used to work for, who sells me a dream of safety him and his wife.

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So she was in on it too, okay.

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And I move in 24 hours or so I assume I move in 24 hours to his house in New Hampshire and my car and my dog gets driven by a friend at the time you know all the way across country and basically it didn't take long to realize that in order to live there, I had to exchange services to him, which meant I needed to work for free for him and I needed to exploit myself sexually for him.

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So I am going back and forth from New Hampshire, isolated 30 minute drive from the nearest gas station.

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Uh, just me and my dog, every day.

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Um, and then, uh, you know, we end up going to this.

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He, he flies me and another girl out to, uh, st Pete's beach where we ended up getting assaulted, uh and raped and um, you know a lot of stuff, about a lot of bad stuff happened.

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Um, you know, I was terrified, she was terrified.

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We ended up going back.

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The house that I was in flooded while we were on that trip.

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He sent me back.

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I'm sleeping in a debride house.

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My neighbor finds me um, it's me and my dog always.

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And I go to my neighbor's house cause it was his summer house and he wasn't using it during the winter said you can use that Like you know really great guy and you know he's actually my prescribing doctor at this point.

00:19:25.722 --> 00:19:38.548
So he has me on Ambien, xanax, adderall, stocks up a full bar for me Like I could have died and he's withholding meds when I'm not doing what he wants to do and then over-prescribing and making it really dangerous.

00:19:38.548 --> 00:19:56.234
So I end up getting multiple wellness checks called on me by my friends in Boston and you know people back home and one of those wellness checks you know I apparently got charged with.

00:19:56.234 --> 00:20:01.531
Well, I got held on a charge for criminal threatening with a deadly weapon against a police officer.

00:20:01.531 --> 00:20:05.470
I have no recollection of this right Because you're medicated?

00:20:06.112 --> 00:20:15.270
Yeah Well, no, I was unmedicated at that time oh, you were not medicated Because he wasn't prescribing my meds to me, and so I went into withdrawal and psychosis.

00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:18.326
And plus I'm a heavy alcoholic at this point.

00:20:18.326 --> 00:20:20.441
Like heavy, my face is swollen.

00:20:20.441 --> 00:20:23.269
I'm drinking vodka all day, I have nothing to do.

00:20:23.269 --> 00:20:26.323
I'm on a lake in the middle of the woods, for fuck's sakes.

00:20:26.323 --> 00:20:32.451
And so, two weeks into jail, federal agencies show up.

00:20:32.451 --> 00:20:37.028
They end up helping me and then I was thrown in the system.

00:20:37.348 --> 00:20:43.704
So I went from a detox or a rehab to sober, living in Massachusetts.

00:20:43.704 --> 00:20:57.606
And then I get assaulted by a Lyft driver and, um, I end up going to a safe house for women who have been exploited and trafficked and, um, you know, it for me at the time was too strict.

00:20:57.606 --> 00:20:59.632
I ended up leaving after four months.

00:20:59.632 --> 00:21:03.911
I got placed in a program in Virginia where I ended up relapsing.

00:21:03.911 --> 00:21:11.213
My aunt flew out from California, brought me back to Massachusetts where my insurance was.

00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:12.566
I went through detox again.

00:21:12.566 --> 00:21:20.269
You know, I went to a halfway house specific for women who had been trafficked and like, mind you, I didn't want to get sober any of this time.

00:21:20.269 --> 00:21:23.390
I had to do it because I had to have a roof over my head.

00:21:23.390 --> 00:21:25.547
So I was a dry drunk.

00:21:25.547 --> 00:21:39.164
I wanted nothing more but to drink and drug, but I couldn't and I didn't have the money to, or I couldn't afford to, and so I'm on Tinder just doing all the wrong things and I meet this guy, you know.

00:21:39.164 --> 00:21:47.846
And so I'm on Tinder just doing all the wrong things and I meet this guy you know super, super sexy Jamaican dude with a neck tattoo Like you know, just yeah, yeah, okay, like, oh my gosh, there's so many things.

00:21:50.284 --> 00:21:53.765
How did the federal agents get you Like, were they watching this guy?

00:21:53.765 --> 00:21:54.365
Or how?

00:21:54.365 --> 00:21:55.048
I don't know.

00:21:56.171 --> 00:21:56.612
I don't know.

00:21:56.819 --> 00:21:57.520
Okay, I don't know, I don't know.

00:21:57.520 --> 00:22:10.236
Well, I do think, now that I think about it, he did show up to my court case with a bag of medications and flew into my court case with a bag of meds, trying to get custody of me, like Britney Spears.

00:22:11.140 --> 00:22:11.520
Oh my.

00:22:11.560 --> 00:22:12.682
God.

00:22:12.682 --> 00:22:23.829
So I think that was a red flag for them and I think the jail might have called them at the time, you know, and so I digress.

00:22:24.039 --> 00:22:27.406
I mean, they show up, I wouldn't talk to them for two weeks.

00:22:27.406 --> 00:22:37.467
I stayed two extra weeks in jail because I thought I was in trouble, right, like you know, I thought this was, you know, my problem, and so I was super scared.

00:22:37.467 --> 00:22:49.442
But, you know, and I was still in active psychosis, like I thought I was pregnant with 50 cents baby, I thought, like OT Genesis was going to come pick up my dog, who I eventually lost because my family and my trafficker gave her up while I was in jail.

00:22:49.442 --> 00:22:51.626
I was devastated.

00:22:51.626 --> 00:22:53.190
I still miss her to this day.

00:22:53.190 --> 00:23:07.162
She's my best friend and the logo for my nonprofit is actually she looks exactly like her and so that's why I use that logo.

00:23:07.162 --> 00:23:07.963
She was a German wolf mix.

00:23:07.963 --> 00:23:09.086
Just, very, very precious, beautiful, okay.

00:23:09.105 --> 00:23:10.028
But I met this Jamaican dude on Tinder.

00:23:10.028 --> 00:23:28.615
Okay, very, very, you know, he had all the nice things and I told him my whole story and he was like thank you for being so vulnerable with me and, you know, became my boyfriend and you know, or you know, so it seemed, and you know, he starts planting little seeds in my head.

00:23:28.615 --> 00:23:29.895
He's like, you know, you don't have to.

00:23:29.895 --> 00:23:33.846
You're so beautiful Like you don't have to do this, like you could be a dancer.

00:23:33.846 --> 00:23:52.440
I know so many clubs I could get you into Y.

00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:54.102
I know so many clubs I could get you into yada, yada, yada.

00:23:54.102 --> 00:23:55.123
I can get you an apartment, I can get you.

00:23:55.123 --> 00:23:58.086
You know, everything that I wanted but that I didn't have and I had no means of obtaining, you know, and so I ended up leaving.

00:23:58.106 --> 00:24:07.767
You know, I ended up meeting this guy off of a sugar daddy site because eventually he started pressuring me, saying I'm not making enough money, I'm paying his car payment, I'm paying for the hotels, I'm paying for everything, like everything's coming out of my pocket.

00:24:07.767 --> 00:24:30.478
You know I'm doing all this foul stuff at the club that I didn't know I wasn't supposed to, because I've never been a dancer before, right, and for very little money, and I was very unsafe doing that, and I eventually, like got pressured into getting on an escort site which he set me all up with.

00:24:30.478 --> 00:24:47.613
You know he chose the pictures, he managed it like you know he was, he was pretty involved and um, you know, so I really didn't want to be doing that ever and I so I wanted to like kind of manipulate him in the system.

00:24:47.613 --> 00:24:53.021
So I was like what if I go on sugar daddy sites, like I don't have to like sleep with them, like I don't have to do anything but I'm getting money?

00:24:53.021 --> 00:25:03.404
So I meet this guy telling my story, he invites me to his house in Marshfield, massachusetts and I ended up.

00:25:03.664 --> 00:25:13.472
You know my boyfriend at the time, which is really a Romeo pimp was what they call them that pose as a boyfriend and Romeo into exploitation.

00:25:13.472 --> 00:25:16.766
You know he ends up showing up to that house.

00:25:16.766 --> 00:25:19.787
You know that I was staying at and we get in a little tussle.

00:25:19.787 --> 00:25:26.371
You know he backed me into a corner and was screaming at the top of my lungs, at the top of his lungs.

00:25:26.371 --> 00:25:28.714
Really triggered me because of my domestic.

00:25:28.714 --> 00:25:32.529
I said, look, dude, you better back the fuck up or get slapped the fuck up.

00:25:32.529 --> 00:25:34.467
And he wouldn't back the fuck up.

00:25:34.467 --> 00:25:39.381
So he got slapped the fuck up and you know got a bloody nose.

00:25:39.402 --> 00:25:40.765
Like all this stuff called the cops on me.

00:25:40.765 --> 00:25:56.308
The cops show up, there's me and another girl there in lingerie and like we tell him he's a pimp you know all this stuff and he has no registration and the cops arrest him I mean arrest me and her.

00:25:56.308 --> 00:25:58.272
And we go to jail.

00:25:58.272 --> 00:26:03.200
For what?

00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:03.621
For assaulting him.

00:26:03.621 --> 00:26:04.262
Yeah, I got a domestic violence.

00:26:04.262 --> 00:26:08.313
I got an assault and battery charge that I'm actually still fighting right now.

00:26:08.313 --> 00:26:12.667
Is that crazy, and they could have saved me right then.

00:26:12.667 --> 00:26:19.070
They could have saved me right then from like all the rest of the stuff that ended up happening like right then.

00:26:20.181 --> 00:26:29.112
It's crazy, but I've heard there are so many stories that are just like that, where the victim ends up getting abused for defending themselves.

00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:31.483
Right, I hear it all the time too.

00:26:31.483 --> 00:26:34.111
I hear it all the time too, but anyway.

00:26:34.111 --> 00:26:38.730
So he disappears and all I have is that person that I met on a sugar daddy website.

00:26:38.730 --> 00:26:40.624
So I tell him my story.

00:26:40.624 --> 00:26:41.626
He tells me a dream.

00:26:41.626 --> 00:26:42.609
I move into the house.

00:26:42.609 --> 00:26:47.791
You know, it didn't take long for me to like not feel well there.

00:26:47.791 --> 00:26:51.720
You know I ended up trying to kill myself there.

00:26:51.720 --> 00:27:08.935
And then I get out of the psych ward and a week later he kicks me out of the house because he says I'm possessed and calls a priest and like rids me of the house, gets oiled all down because he's a nut.

00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:22.308
This dude is a nut, I tell you, and you know I have nowhere to go but my ex-boyfriend, and so he ends up moving me.

00:27:22.308 --> 00:27:24.006
We go to Beverly Hills.

00:27:24.006 --> 00:27:35.297
I become a very high-end dancer in Beverly Hills and I start noticing some really fishy stuff.

00:27:35.297 --> 00:27:49.467
He is now, you know, copping up all this weed to like ounces and ounces and ounces of weed he's shipping back Like his friends are now staying like it's like a trap house right and I'm dancing, I'm paying for everything.

00:27:49.467 --> 00:27:56.431
He's taking my money now and like I'm hospitalized because he has me working late, late shifts, like long shifts at the strip club, and you know I'm not sleeping.

00:27:56.431 --> 00:27:59.135
I'm stressed because he has me working late, late shifts, like long shifts at the strip club, and you know I'm not sleeping.

00:27:59.135 --> 00:27:59.818
I'm stressed.

00:27:59.818 --> 00:28:01.592
I have to go to the hospital, like I was.

00:28:01.592 --> 00:28:03.018
I was so sleep deprived.

00:28:03.018 --> 00:28:07.221
They wheeled me into the hospital like this like, and just pushed me.

00:28:07.309 --> 00:28:09.136
And they were like good luck, you know.

00:28:09.349 --> 00:28:29.317
And like they didn't even pick me up from the like out of the hospital, I I had to take an Uber back, and so I had threatened to leave him and quickly, you know, he manipulated me into coming back to Massachusetts, you know where he had me continue escorting, paying for everything.

00:28:29.317 --> 00:28:31.903
I'm staying in these super, super sketchy motels.

00:28:31.903 --> 00:28:37.201
And then I was like do you not know anyone here that we could stay with?

00:28:37.201 --> 00:28:39.942
You're fucking from here, bro, how do you not know anyone here?

00:28:39.942 --> 00:28:43.294
And he's like actually I do have someone that I wanted to introduce you to.

00:28:43.294 --> 00:28:49.970
That someone is a gorilla pimp and hadn't claimed to be anything but that.

00:28:50.151 --> 00:28:51.151
So what's a gorilla pimp versus Romeo pimp?

00:28:51.151 --> 00:28:53.732
A Romeo pimp is a sweet talker, A gorilla pimp versus a Romeo pimp.

00:28:53.752 --> 00:29:04.660
A Romeo pimp is a sweet talker, the one that kind of grooms you and gets you used to the life and acts like your boyfriend and you even bring them home to your family.

00:29:04.660 --> 00:29:07.362
They're in your Christmas pictures, like all that stuff.

00:29:07.362 --> 00:29:13.165
They're gorilla pimps, so they take your money by manipulation kind of thing and groom you.

00:29:13.165 --> 00:29:15.367
A gorilla pimp takes it by force.

00:29:15.367 --> 00:29:20.212
Okay, they're much more volatile and aggressive.

00:29:20.212 --> 00:29:47.199
So eventually I end up getting passed off to this dude, this gorilla pimp, and the Romeo pimp disappears and I'm stuck with this dude I have no idea in the hood of Worcester, massachusetts, which is not a good area, and if anyone knows about Worcester, it's not good, and he's also Jamaican as well too.

00:29:48.471 --> 00:30:01.556
So, it is a little potential ring and I didn't talk to this man for three fucking days and then he went into Walmart.

00:30:01.556 --> 00:30:04.058
One time I went to Walmart he gave me $100.

00:30:04.058 --> 00:30:08.836
I went and bought a bunch of air dusters and I'm in his car going as much as I could.

00:30:08.836 --> 00:30:13.636
I almost overdosed in his car and then he came and ripped it out of my hand and said I don't trust you with money.

00:30:13.636 --> 00:30:19.377
Like we need to take care of you, like I'm going to handle your money from here on out, like I want to make sure you're safe, like.

00:30:19.377 --> 00:30:21.221
And that's how he first started taking my money.

00:30:21.221 --> 00:30:23.683
So now I'm becoming a full-time escort.

00:30:24.164 --> 00:30:40.573
Um, he is no longer allowing me to dance.

00:30:40.593 --> 00:31:13.031
He forced me into prostitution, um, you know, and you know he was nice enough to let me pick my own prices, um, within reason, uh and uh, you know I had clients that were, you know I was primarily in New York and, uh, cape Cod, uh, but I worked all over the United States and like he was very, very good at this, like he had been doing it for a very long time 20, 22 or 23 years, I want to say Um had multiple women at a time, like, at that time I think I was his only one, because he had, like he was older and like you know, I think he had kind of like died down a little bit and was you know, I don't know what happened, but like he was always with me.

00:31:13.132 --> 00:31:15.776
I was never alone, even when I had a date.

00:31:15.776 --> 00:31:20.785
He'd be parked right outside waiting for me and I'd get in the car and he goes where's my money?

00:31:20.785 --> 00:31:27.332
And he's like you know, he's like you know, are you going to give it to me or am I going to take it by force, like kind of thing.

00:31:27.332 --> 00:31:33.439
And so I'm terrified, but also I don't know what's happening, because he's saying he loves me, he wants to protect me.

00:31:33.439 --> 00:31:42.338
Like I'm very confused and manipulated and from a young age I had come to believe that abuse was love, right, and so I brought that into my life.

00:31:42.338 --> 00:31:47.182
I had all the red flags and the vulnerabilities of a trafficking victim.

00:31:47.349 --> 00:31:48.954
You know I was sexually assaulted as a kid.

00:31:48.954 --> 00:31:50.157
I grew up in volatility.

00:31:50.157 --> 00:31:51.241
I had instability.

00:31:51.241 --> 00:31:56.433
Like I had been in a domestic you know 85% of sex workers had been abused as a kid.

00:31:56.433 --> 00:31:58.796
70% had been in a domestic prior.

00:31:58.796 --> 00:32:00.518
I was mentally ill.

00:32:00.518 --> 00:32:08.765
I had addiction issues, like you know, I fit the ticket for him and you know there was.

00:32:08.785 --> 00:32:11.626
It just got worse and worse over that point.

00:32:11.626 --> 00:32:19.480
Like, he took me on a road trip back to Utah to like meet, meet my family, to like assure them I was safe, which they knew.

00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:20.001
Like my dad told him.

00:32:20.001 --> 00:32:21.991
He was like, don't even bring that man over to my house.

00:32:21.991 --> 00:32:24.136
Or, like you know, I'm going to bring a shotgun.

00:32:24.136 --> 00:32:28.152
And so, like you know, they knew what was going on, but I didn't.

00:32:28.152 --> 00:32:54.598
Somehow, like you know, I was just so confused until we had gotten back from that trip and you know he started putting me in like hotels with no windows, no showers, communal showers Like you know, I'm sleeping in the same bed that I had sex with multiple men in not being able to shower, eating out of vending machines.

00:32:54.598 --> 00:32:58.977
He also had me, you know, dealing crack at the time as well too, because he was a crack dealer.

00:32:58.977 --> 00:32:59.838
So not only was.

00:32:59.838 --> 00:33:03.556
I had to be a prostitute but I had to deal crack cocaine.

00:33:03.556 --> 00:33:11.317
I had clients that were Vogue models and then I had clients that were on ankle monitors for homicide investigations.

00:33:11.317 --> 00:33:14.865
So yeah, Terrifying.

00:33:19.789 --> 00:33:21.036
Yeah, and they were very aggressive to me.

00:33:21.036 --> 00:33:37.673
Let me just state that, like they were very aggressive, I went, had a lot of very aggressive clients, I was bruised up all the time, um and uh, you know, ultimately, uh, he started trusting me a little bit and I kind of like I realized that what was happening to me at that time and I knew I had to get out.

00:33:37.673 --> 00:33:48.094
So I kind of like gained his trust until he allowed me to like work independently for a couple of days at a time and then he would come back and collect the money and move me into a different location.

00:33:48.094 --> 00:34:04.402
So I was moving every 24, 72 hours right To either a different city or a different state or you know somewhere, and I was primarily unmedicated, an unmedicated bipolar one PTSD, anxiety, all that stuff.

00:34:04.402 --> 00:34:08.876
Like you know, I should have been on meds and you know.

00:34:08.876 --> 00:34:17.958
So I remember, you know, right before I had left him, which he wouldn't let me have more than $5 at a time, by the way, I was making $7,000 to $10,000 a day for him.

00:34:17.958 --> 00:34:24.277
I calculated, took all the screenshots, everything like of the money transfers and everything $7,000 to $10,000 a day.

00:34:24.277 --> 00:34:32.958
He gave me $5 a day, which I would have to argue with him over why I was entitled to that, but anyway.

00:34:32.978 --> 00:34:38.686
So I was in the Bronx, I was in this horrible rundown hotel that he left me at for days.

00:34:38.686 --> 00:34:45.521
You know, I heard this woman get beat and raped next to me all night.

00:34:45.521 --> 00:34:52.454
I was in fetal position in the corner, just so triggered, and I said this is my last fucking day doing this, like I know, I have to get out or die.

00:34:52.454 --> 00:35:06.322
Trying, you know, and I took the $30 to my cash out that he didn't know I had and I called a friend who lives in Jersey and asked him to put me up in an Airbnb.

00:35:06.322 --> 00:35:07.625
He did.

00:35:07.710 --> 00:35:09.056
I started working independently.

00:35:09.056 --> 00:35:12.800
Three days later someone broke into my Airbnb and raped me brutally.

00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:18.731
They had the passcode and I don't know what happened, but you know I knew.

00:35:18.731 --> 00:35:20.135
After that I relapsed.

00:35:20.135 --> 00:35:30.519
I went into a psychosis where, you know, I literally thought I was like a Russian hitman for the mob, like I was not well.

00:35:30.519 --> 00:35:39.983
And then I get jumped in Brooklyn and left naked face down in the streets of Brooklyn by two what looked like two Jamaican men.

00:35:39.983 --> 00:35:43.237
So I think I was set up by my pimp.

00:35:43.733 --> 00:35:47.820
I was about to ask, which he claimed to do, no matter what if I left.

00:35:47.820 --> 00:35:57.083
You know they brought me to the hospital and you know I left the life in a hospital gown and I called my family.

00:35:57.083 --> 00:35:58.251
No one was coming to get me.

00:35:58.251 --> 00:35:59.835
I called my pimp.

00:35:59.835 --> 00:36:03.407
He wouldn't come and get me so I had no one to call.

00:36:03.407 --> 00:36:12.934
But the guy I met on a sugar daddy site who was emailing me and harassing me like just like, was obsessed with me Like through this whole time.

00:36:12.934 --> 00:36:14.798
Obsessed with me.

00:36:15.139 --> 00:36:16.722
Obsessed, even though you're possessed.

00:36:17.349 --> 00:36:18.291
Yes, he is.

00:36:18.291 --> 00:36:19.235
He's a yes.

00:36:19.235 --> 00:36:21.739
And so he picks me up.

00:36:21.739 --> 00:36:28.057
I go back to Massachusetts and it doesn't take me long to realize he's a psycho, and so I call for a safe bet.

00:36:28.057 --> 00:36:30.873
At the hospital, the cops show up, take me away in an ambulance.

00:36:30.952 --> 00:36:47.001
I go to the hospital, I'm in the psych ward for a couple weeks, for a couple of days, get released to I'm still in psychosis, get released to a sober house, which I eventually had to go back to the psych ward for about a month, and then I got released again to another halfway house and I still didn't feel well.

00:36:47.001 --> 00:36:49.175
And, mind you, I have no documentation at this time.

00:36:49.175 --> 00:36:51.971
I have no birth certificate, I have no social, I have no ID.

00:36:51.971 --> 00:36:54.416
I have nothing, nothing, nothing.

00:36:54.416 --> 00:37:00.556
And so I was overwhelmed, you know, very suicidal, very homicidal, you know all the sidles.

00:37:00.556 --> 00:37:06.554
And I went back to the psych ward, where I also realized that, like these delusions weren't real.

00:37:06.554 --> 00:37:13.777
And, you know, I finally came to found proper medication, went to a halfway house where people were bullying me for my story.

00:37:13.777 --> 00:37:15.420
I didn't want to be there.

00:37:15.420 --> 00:37:22.601
So I went back to the dude that I was dealing with and you know we were in separate bedrooms.

00:37:22.601 --> 00:37:27.710
I had laid my boundaries, said you know, I don't want to have sex with anyone, I don't want to have a relationship with anyone.

00:37:27.710 --> 00:37:29.092
Like, I just want to rebuild my life.

00:37:29.092 --> 00:37:30.295
Of course, I'll help you.

00:37:30.295 --> 00:37:31.976
I don't want anything from you.

00:37:32.077 --> 00:37:38.527
As soon as I started to rebuild my life and make my nonprofit and get my job and talk about moving out and all this stuff, all of a sudden it changed.

00:37:38.527 --> 00:37:40.851
He became this entirely different person.

00:37:40.851 --> 00:37:45.702
He like wanted to marry me and I said no and he made it impossible for me to leave.

00:37:45.702 --> 00:37:47.391
He put everything in his name.

00:37:47.391 --> 00:37:52.237
Um, he just made my life a living hell.

00:37:52.237 --> 00:37:55.420
Um, no wonder your family doesn't love you.

00:37:55.420 --> 00:37:57.423
Like all the, all this stuff.

00:37:57.423 --> 00:38:08.164
I finally was just done and I was calling everyone under the sun to like allow me to like stay with them.

00:38:08.164 --> 00:38:10.114
I'm calling every shelter I'm doing.

00:38:10.114 --> 00:38:10.876
They're all full.

00:38:12.440 --> 00:38:21.117
And then someone you know through an anti-trafficking organization here in Massachusetts called Treasure Life Initiative.

00:38:21.117 --> 00:38:21.900
They're amazing.

00:38:21.900 --> 00:38:26.762
Uh, one of their founders allowed me to come stay at their house and we're really good friends now.

00:38:26.762 --> 00:38:34.775
Um, and you know, I found where I live now and, uh, you know, I was able to maintain my job throughout it all.

00:38:34.896 --> 00:38:44.324
But, um, you know, I'm still rebuilding my life, and it doesn't matter how long you've been out of the situation whether it's, you know, a month, six months, a year.

00:38:44.324 --> 00:38:53.300
It takes a long time to like heal and it takes forever to heal, and you have to deal with different challenges every single day.

00:38:53.300 --> 00:38:59.782
But, like I said, I never thought I would be a human trafficking, kidnapping, sexual assault or domestic violence survivor.

00:38:59.782 --> 00:39:06.057
It just happened and I just have to live with it.

00:39:06.057 --> 00:39:15.420
You know, because life moves on, with or without you and, like at the end of the day, I want to take my pain and not only turn it into power but purpose.

00:39:15.420 --> 00:39:24.661
You know, this is just what I have done in my nonprofit as well too, which we will talk about at a different time.

00:39:24.681 --> 00:39:44.119
But I think it's really important to talk about the vulnerabilities and why I share the entirety of my story and the details of my personal life, because it's in my childhood, which is not going to make a lot of people in my family happy, but at the same time, like people need to know the realities of these things and that people don't choose to have these things happen to you.

00:39:44.119 --> 00:39:54.384
Probably only about 10% of sex workers are actually doing it by choice and only 1% make it out and stay out, and less than 1%, you know.

00:39:54.384 --> 00:39:57.739
People go missing all the time and they never come back.

00:39:57.739 --> 00:40:00.157
Unfortunately, people die in this.

00:40:00.157 --> 00:40:03.639
They either die at the hands of others, die at the hands of themselves, or they OD.

00:40:04.590 --> 00:40:06.036
And that's like the reality.

00:40:06.036 --> 00:40:13.503
But I could go on forever about this topic because it is so dear to my heart.

00:40:13.503 --> 00:40:19.052
But I've taken my experience and I've, you know, turned it into helping others.

00:40:19.052 --> 00:40:22.199
It's not an easy journey, you know.

00:40:22.199 --> 00:40:29.237
Survivors, as you know, can be tough to deal with, including myself Like dealing with myself is tough at times.

00:40:29.237 --> 00:40:43.541
But I think that what I went through was for a reason and, you know, for a long time I didn't realize that purpose and I felt so empty until I started helping others.

00:40:43.541 --> 00:40:52.242
And you know, these survivors that I deal with heal me, and so I feel very grateful that I could come on and spread some awareness about my story.

00:40:52.242 --> 00:40:53.556
So thank you for that, ingrid.

00:40:54.710 --> 00:40:56.597
Thank you so much, allie, for coming on.

00:40:56.597 --> 00:41:03.099
It's um, there's just, there's so much.

00:41:03.099 --> 00:41:13.864
I mean there are so many places throughout your life, starting at three years old, where one small little intervention would have stopped it.

00:41:13.864 --> 00:41:20.693
Intervention would have stopped it and you would have gone down a completely different path.

00:41:20.693 --> 00:41:35.396
And I think by you telling your story, that helps bring awareness and that hopefully will help somebody recognize situations like this and then they can intervene, they can be that person that changes the trajectory of this life.

00:41:35.396 --> 00:41:38.242
I had no idea one person get out of sex work.

00:41:38.242 --> 00:41:38.864
That's what you said.

00:41:39.471 --> 00:41:40.548
Yep only 1%.

00:41:41.353 --> 00:41:42.998
That's crazy to me.

00:41:42.998 --> 00:41:46.050
That's so, so scary.

00:41:46.170 --> 00:41:52.449
Only 1% make it out, and so it's just really crazy.

00:41:52.449 --> 00:42:01.201
But I'm so happy to spread awareness on this topic today and I just want to thank you so much for bringing me on today.

00:42:02.590 --> 00:42:13.505
I mean I feel like I have to like overdo the appreciative, like feelings I have right now, because that's when it's so vulnerable to go through and tell that story and share that story.

00:42:13.505 --> 00:42:40.822
But then you're doing it with the purpose of raising awareness and trying to help others and you're the source of where people can identify with and I think when you have people like yourself telling your story and sharing your story, it erases some of the shame that somebody who has gone through even just one piece of what you went through it helps erase their shame of like, okay, this isn't my fault and none of it is.

00:42:40.822 --> 00:42:42.273
None of it is.

00:42:43.054 --> 00:42:43.715
None of it is.

00:42:43.715 --> 00:42:46.262
We have these comorbidities in the medical field.

00:42:46.262 --> 00:42:47.331
They call it right.

00:42:47.331 --> 00:42:54.784
We have these comorbidities that make us vulnerable to other tragedies.

00:42:55.311 --> 00:43:04.199
Right, right, and there's no reason to ever apologize for anything that, like, somebody else caused, like did to you, right?

00:43:04.199 --> 00:43:11.802
You know, this is a life that, because of what other people did to you, that's, I mean, you were just surviving and trying to survive.

00:43:12.409 --> 00:43:26.106
I have been in constant fight or flight until actually, like a week ago or this week, until I completely eliminated myself out of the man's life that I met on that site and was completely independent on my own.

00:43:27.130 --> 00:43:47.583
You know, I was just in a constant state of fight or flight, right and so at that time, you know, with the fight or flight response, like it took forever for me to calm down, um, up until recently, and like that was just, you know, something that I didn't even realize until after it happened, until, like that calmness and all of a sudden I felt like I could breathe.

00:43:48.369 --> 00:43:49.914
Like I felt like what?

00:43:49.914 --> 00:43:50.815
And like I got this.

00:43:50.815 --> 00:43:52.380
Like how do I explain it?

00:43:52.380 --> 00:43:58.793
Like I was heavy in my energy for like a long time because I was so heightened for so long.

00:43:58.793 --> 00:44:08.132
It took me like a week to adjust, like it was a week ago, like it was a week ago that I removed myself from him and, like you know, I've been out of the life almost nine months.

00:44:08.132 --> 00:44:18.193
So, like, be patient with yourself, be patient with your healing, be patient and be grateful because we fought so hard to see this life.

00:44:18.193 --> 00:44:21.563
We can't be ungrateful for a life we fought so hard to see.

00:44:21.563 --> 00:44:22.291
And guess what?

00:44:22.291 --> 00:44:25.016
We've survived 100% of our worst days.

00:44:25.697 --> 00:44:30.594
You know, we got to take our power back, take our voices back.

00:44:30.594 --> 00:44:33.485
We have to use our voices to spread awareness.

00:44:33.485 --> 00:44:42.423
We have to use our resources and our network to make a difference, because there aren't a lot of options for people you know, like us.

00:44:43.170 --> 00:44:43.389
Right.

00:44:43.389 --> 00:44:47.492
And not everyone has the ability to speak out to share their stories.

00:44:47.492 --> 00:44:49.293
How did you get your identity?

00:44:49.293 --> 00:44:52.356
Like you had no documentation, how did you get all of that?

00:44:52.356 --> 00:44:52.956
How did?

00:44:52.996 --> 00:44:53.376
you get all of that.

00:44:53.376 --> 00:44:57.059
I had to go reapply for everything and it took forever.

00:44:57.059 --> 00:45:07.947
I still don't have a license I get at August 6th because the dude I was dealing with when I moved out of his house withheld my vital documentation and then I missed my appointment.

00:45:07.947 --> 00:45:13.179
Oh my gosh, that I had waited like months to get, so I had to wait more months to get it.

00:45:14.452 --> 00:45:16.199
I mean like one.

00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:24.990
Your story gives an opportunity for people to identify with and, like I said, erase some of the shame, but then the resilience that you have.

00:45:24.990 --> 00:45:28.715
It also gives hope to people like my God Allie.

00:45:28.715 --> 00:45:33.018
If you can overcome that, what was it like?

00:45:33.018 --> 00:45:35.681
40 minutes worth of this story?

00:45:35.681 --> 00:45:46.721
You know, if you can overcome that no documentation and then create this independent life I mean, anybody can do it.

00:45:46.721 --> 00:46:00.795
And not only are you just surviving for yourself and healing yourself, you're also advocating for others, and that's what we're going to get into in the next episode.

00:46:00.815 --> 00:46:02.117
I can't wait.

00:46:02.117 --> 00:46:13.373
I know I'm so thrilled Before we end this one and we'll go over in the next episode too, but do you want to give some of your socials and how people can reach you?

00:46:13.373 --> 00:46:14.476
Whatever you want to share.

00:46:15.197 --> 00:46:17.322
So my name is Allie Allred.

00:46:17.322 --> 00:46:39.994
You can find me wearing red on my Facebook, my Instagram, which is tappedASF crazy ASF because I don't care but also we have pages Survivors to Safety, Survivors to Safety on Instagram and Facebook, and we have a podcast called Pain to Power.

00:46:39.994 --> 00:46:43.483
Our first episode is called You're Safe here.

00:46:43.483 --> 00:46:46.791
It's a wolf logo, so, yeah, you can find me there.

00:46:47.992 --> 00:46:48.652
Okay, great.

00:46:48.652 --> 00:46:54.639
Well, we will talk again in next week's episode with all the good stuff.

00:46:57.461 --> 00:46:57.922
Awesome.

00:46:59.284 --> 00:47:07.501
Thank you again, allie, for joining me today and sharing your incredible story, and thank you, warriors, for listening.

00:47:07.501 --> 00:47:16.016
I've included the link to Allie's 1 in 3 profile, along with other resources she wanted to share in the show notes, so make sure to check those out.

00:47:16.016 --> 00:47:26.666
Allie and I will be back next week with a follow-up episode in which we will discuss her powerful advocacy work and the podcast she now leads.

00:47:26.666 --> 00:47:35.224
Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone.

00:47:57.550 --> 00:47:59.190
Always remember you review and subscribe.

00:47:59.190 --> 00:48:04.233
One in three is a 0.5 Pinoy production music written and performed by Tim Crow.

00:48:04.233 --> 00:48:15.157
© transcript Emily Beynon.