Nov. 4, 2025
93-From Silence to Strength: Grooming, Justice, and Prevention with Morgan Scafe
Some stories don’t just deserve to be heard—they demand change. In this powerful episode of 1 in 3 Podcast, Morgan Scafe joins host Ingrid Dutton to share her harrowing story of child sexual abuse that began at age eight and continued until fifteen. She reveals how a courtroom turned her truth into a test—forcing her to relive trauma while sitting just feet from her abuser.
Together, we examine how statutes of limitations erased most of her abuse from trial and why Morgan wrote Carpenter Road: The Inadmissible Years—a prequel that exposes the grooming process and violent control tactics that adults and schools overlooked. This conversation dives deep into generational trauma, alcohol misuse, and the many missed red flags—plummeting grades, chronic absences, unexplained bruises, and emotional outbursts—that should have triggered mandated reporting.
Morgan offers a firsthand look at what trauma-informed justice should be: options for remote testimony, jury education on memory and stress, and legal teams trained to avoid re-victimization. The throughline is clear—prevention. Teaching “good touch, bad touch” isn’t enough. Children need age-appropriate education on grooming, including how abusers use gifts, secrets, isolation, and trust to gain control.
We also explore practical steps for parents, teachers, and communities to recognize early warning signs and make intervention the norm—not the exception. Morgan’s story is both a warning and a guidepost for how we can do better.
This episode closes with a message every survivor needs to hear: shame must change sides. Healing is possible. Therapy helps. And your voice isn’t just valid—it’s vital.
💜 If this conversation moved you:
Subscribe to 1 in 3 Podcast, share it with someone who cares about child safety and abuse prevention, and leave a thoughtful review to help others find it. Your support amplifies survivor voices and fuels change toward trauma-informed justice.
Morgan’s Links:
https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/morgan-scafe-1/
https://www.facebook.com/carpenterroadscafe
https://www.amazon.com/CARPENTER-ROAD-SENTENCED-MORGAN-SCAFE/dp/B0BW2LXP2N/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
00:46 - Introducing Morgan And Her Mission
02:01 - Caregiving Career And Writing Her Memoir
03:58 - Why The Story Starts At Fourteen
06:49 - Statutes, Silences, And The Prequel
09:26 - Generational Trauma And The Perfect Storm
12:56 - Found Advocates And Choosing To Heal
15:41 - Inside A Traumatizing Court Process
21:26 - Conviction Won And Its Cost
24:38 - Aftermath For The Abuser’s Family
29:16 - Schools Missed Alarming Red Flags
33:32 - Violent Grooming And Control Tactics
36:42 - Systems That Protect Perpetrators
41:25 - Why Victims Stay And Return
45:44 - Parole Failures And Community Risk
51:09 - Ongoing Fallout And Fear
55:29 - Teaching Kids To Spot Grooming
01:00:43 - Prevention Over Reaction
01:03:21 - Where To Find Morgan’s Books
01:04:53 - Final Message: Shame Must Change Sides
01:06:58 - Closing And Ways To Support
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:03.680
I'm your host, Ingrid.
00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:07.360
If there's one thing we've learned over the years, it's this.
00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:11.439
Never underestimate the resilience of a survivor.
00:00:11.679 --> 00:00:14.640
Today's guest embodies that resilience.
00:00:14.880 --> 00:00:33.600
She not only survived years of abuse that began at the young age of eight, but also faced her abuser in court, enduring the pain of being re-victimized, before bravely sharing her story with the world in her memoir, Carpenter Road, Sentenced to Silence.
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:35.840
She didn't stop there either.
00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:42.000
Her prequel, Carpenter Road, The Inadmissible Years, was recently released as well.
00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:56.000
Her mission is clear and powerful to ensure victims, specifically children, are seen, heard, protected, and empowered to prevent abuse before it happens.
00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:59.920
It's my honor to introduce you to Morgan.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:01.520
Hi, Morgan.
00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:02.880
Thank you for joining me.
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:05.280
Hi, thank you for having me.
00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:12.879
Um, so before we get into our conversation, could you give a bit of a background just so we can get to know you a little bit?
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:14.640
Oh, absolutely.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:28.000
Um I let's see, my background in um my professional life has been caregiving for the elderly, especially with dementia and Alzheimer's.
00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:34.319
And I worked in that field for a very long time and did private caregiving for a long time.
00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:42.879
And then unfortunately, my health went south due to the abuse, and I haven't been able to work since then.
00:01:43.120 --> 00:01:47.040
Um, I'm still undergoing a lot of procedures and so forth.
00:01:47.359 --> 00:01:52.239
And but all that time I was loving to write.
00:01:52.400 --> 00:02:04.959
I was writing my story, I was mainly doing it for myself, but then I thought, you know, maybe this could help others, maybe this could help survivors, um, especially when I added in the trial.
00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:10.560
I thought, wow, this could really be beneficial for people to see what it's like to go through a trial.
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:18.319
And I just kept foraging ahead with my memoir and decided to actually publish it.
00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:21.280
And it that has gone very well.
00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:31.919
Um, I live in the Midwest with all of my furry friends and animals and family, and um just kind of lead a quiet life and have a ball.
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:52.560
And I graduated from Western Michigan University back in 2005 with a master's in gerontology, which is significant because I wasn't able to read until I was in my mid-20s, beyond a fourth grade level, because once my abuse started, my education stopped.
00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:56.159
And so that was quite an accomplishment for myself.
00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:03.599
And your abuse is uh you detail it in your book that you were referring to is Carpenter Road uh Sentence to Silence.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:04.400
Right.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:10.080
And that and that chronicles the abuse, but not the beginning of the abuse, correct?
00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:11.120
Starting at the end.
00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:12.400
Yes, correct.
00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:14.879
That is, and I did that intentionally.
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:22.240
Um, I started Carpenter Road Sentence to Silence at the age of 14 when I'm entering high school.
00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:33.520
And I did that because somebody asked me, what was the very first time you tried to wave the white flag to get help to get out of the situation?
00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:42.639
Because until then, uh I was absolutely terrified to even consider telling anyone anything.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:48.159
And so I left a note under my teacher's door and I did not sign it.
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:52.639
And I wrote it anonymously and sent her that I needed help.
00:03:52.960 --> 00:04:08.560
And uh that is when that is, excuse me, that is where the book starts, is basically my leaving that note under the door, and then it kind of follows me through high school and still trying to get out of the situation.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:14.800
And then ultimately I reported the abuse and a trial ensued.
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:25.759
And so Carpenter Road, Sentence of Silence, goes back and forth between my time of dealing with everything and the court transcripts.
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:31.439
So you actually get to read the entire uh trial throughout the book.
00:04:33.120 --> 00:04:42.560
And from what I understand, I did read the book, is that you didn't even go into full detail of the level of abuse that you suffered.
00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:44.480
That is yes, that is correct.
00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:56.160
Because uh mainly because I wanted to follow what happened with the trial and plus the time frame of the book at the very beginning.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:22.639
I'm still um enmeshed in the abuse, but for like another eight months, and then it's all about me trying to um get out get my feet under me and try to have some sense of life and try to deal with what happened to me, and then and then ultimately trying to help the children that were still left behind in that house get out from under it.
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:28.480
And so when I started it at um the age of 14, I was almost out of the abuse.
00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:46.480
So I left out so much, and the other reason I did that was because the trial itself, due to statute of limitations, would only permit me to talk about abuse that happened from mid-age 12 until it ended.
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:53.920
I wasn't able to even talk about or discuss the abuse prior to that at the trial.
00:05:54.160 --> 00:06:21.120
And I also wasn't allowed to speak about what he did to other family members in the house because they were so reluctant to speak up and tell or testify or even admit what had happened, they were silent, and so nothing could come into the trial except for you know certain instances after the age of 12, either physical or sexual.
00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:32.000
And so I left out 80% of what happened in the house out of the first book, and then I had a lot of people ask me, why would you go back over there?
00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:36.959
That wasn't your house, it wasn't it wasn't my family, I wasn't related.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.040
Why would you go back over there?
00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:52.240
And I was a little stunned by the question, but yet it was valid because why would a child intentionally go over to their friend's house knowing what was going to happen?
00:06:52.480 --> 00:07:02.399
And I thought, we have to be more educated in trauma and in the grooming process and what happens to children when they get caught up in these situations.
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:19.279
And so I instead of you know explaining that or explaining myself to others, I decided to write a prequel and I started it at the beginning of the abuse, and it then ultimately meets up with Carpenter O'Set into Silence.
00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:46.079
And so I devolves absolutely everything that happened to me, and it it is quite the bombshell, and and both are very, very important and critical to read because the first one I think is really helpful for survivors to read, because you're you're on this journey of emotional battling, trying to overcome what you went through and survive that.
00:07:46.399 --> 00:08:13.040
And then this next one is more slanted towards anyone working with children, because you actually see and feel as I write this from a child's perspective, what it was like to go through such a traumatic experience for that many years and what that what that did to me emotionally, physically, spiritually, um, sexually, everything.
00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:22.480
And so um the two together, I think, are a really good sounding board for people to understand what trauma does to children.
00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:39.279
Well, and I I like how you wrote Carpenter Road, how it would go from, I mean, not present day today, but present day where you were in the in the courtroom and then flashing back to what was going on a few years prior to that.
00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:53.279
It's honestly really heartbreaking to understand one, that a child was being abused, but two, that you started it at 14 and that's much later, that's years after the abuse even began.
00:08:53.919 --> 00:09:04.159
And there are a lot of factors that play into almost this like perfect storm for you to be the victim.
00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:06.720
And uh one of those things, am I wrong?
00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:08.480
It's like a generational trauma.
00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:09.600
Yes.
00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:10.159
Yeah.
00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:22.320
In my in the second uh book, the prequel, I talk about my family a little bit more because so many people were like, How did your parents not see this?
00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:24.720
How did they not understand what was happening?
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:26.799
How did teachers miss this?
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:32.159
But in my instance, um my mother was abused by her father.
00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:36.480
He was drafted into World War II unexpectedly.
00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:43.919
He was thinking he was headed off to Western Michigan University with a basketball scholarship.
00:09:44.080 --> 00:10:08.240
And the next thing he is dragged onto a plane going to Okinawa at 18 and having no clue what's going on, and came home four years later so destroyed by World War II and not having met my mom until then, because my grandma was pregnant when he left, he didn't bond with her and he treated her horribly.
00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:28.799
Um, he was also dealing with his trauma by drinking and tormenting my mom, and he really signaled her out because um I I think he just didn't bond with her, and so then he ultimately started sexually abusing her.
00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:41.679
And at 18, my mom left the house and met my dad, and then they got married, but she did not deal with her trauma, she did not ever seek help or anything.
00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:46.879
She drank, and so, like you said, the perfect storm.
00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:54.240
You know, I've got a mother who is drinking way too much, she's drinking outside of the house, she's never home.
00:10:54.480 --> 00:11:08.639
My father's working endlessly, and here I am just kind of floating along by myself and you know, experiencing some neglect and some abuse at home.
00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:17.360
And then I meet a family who has a mom who never leaves the home, but that was for a different reason.
00:11:17.600 --> 00:11:21.360
You know, six kids, food on the table, dinner every night.
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:25.759
It wasn't very much, but it was more than what I was gonna find at my house.
00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:30.639
And so I just boom got caught up.
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:41.120
But, you know, you kind of link it back to my mom's drinking and why that happened and um why her father was abusive coming off of a war like that.
00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:49.600
It just, yeah, it was just like a snowball going downhill and a perfect storm for uh me being set up into that situation.
00:11:49.919 --> 00:12:18.399
Well, and then it would be almost understandable if you continued that yourself, if you just continued into that cycle because you've been so traumatized for years, and you still uh if you hadn't taken the steps maybe to um legally seek action, you could have potentially continued in this snowball effect, but you you did have a few advocates for you finally show up in high school.
00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:20.399
And those helped.
00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:32.639
I always love thinking of people who are on this path, and it just takes one person to bump them and change the entire trajectory of their lives and hopefully in a better way.
00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:35.679
And I feel like it came late for you.
00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:45.440
I think there were probably quite a few opportunities that could have come up prior to you leaving a note under your teacher's door at the age of 14.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:13:05.279
And and with I think those those adults who finally did advocate for you and look out for you, and then along with your own personal strive to survive, you've you already survived the the physical trauma, but now to survive the psychological trauma and recover from that, that's a huge undertaking.
00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:07.679
Yes, it is.
00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:17.679
I mean, I advocate for us, every survivor, to take that journey because ultimately it leads us back to being as whole as we possibly can.
00:13:17.919 --> 00:13:21.519
You know, it'll interrupt that cycle of generational trauma.
00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.679
Um, but we owe it to ourselves to heal and not be silenced.
00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:44.000
And so I really advocate for taking the journey, even though it is grueling and painful and very difficult to recover from, because that type of abuse, you know, the sexual abuse of a child is just destroys, destroys you.
00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:46.320
And it's very hard to come back from.
00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:49.679
But your alternative is much worse.
00:13:50.080 --> 00:14:02.799
So I'm a big proponent of get into therapy, get into counseling, whatever that looks like for you, but do the work so you can heal that, if not you know, for yourself, but for the rest of your family.
00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:14.320
Because, you know, it people sometimes um have that thinking that, well, if she's abused, she's gonna abuse, you know, the next person down the line.
00:14:14.559 --> 00:14:22.480
That's not always the case in the same way, but you can spread your toxicity from your trauma in other ways.
00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:36.639
It could be at work, it could be at home, it could be wherever, but somehow, some way, if you haven't dealt with that trauma, it's going to seep into your life and onto others in some form or fashion.
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:40.639
And we, I mean, we've seen that for years and years.
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:48.399
I mean, we've watched it, you know, unfold with um people that we've known that have been abused, whether it's in our own family or in the community.
00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:54.159
I mean, you you can see you can see it happening when they you can tell when someone hasn't dealt with their trauma.
00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:55.200
For sure.
00:14:55.440 --> 00:15:10.159
And so Carpenter Road takes us through your journey of therapy and dealing with your trauma and while still having the legitimate fear of safety for yourself.
00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:17.759
And it really showcases your strength because you eventually don't stop there at just healing yourself.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:27.039
You feel this obligation to look into legal action because you did understand that there were still younger children in the home.
00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:35.039
And it takes us then through the psychological trauma then of the re-victimization of the court system.
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:45.519
So, do you want to talk a little bit about the whole legal system and that process and how difficult that's this is a light way to say it, difficult to maneuver through.
00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:47.120
Yes.
00:15:47.519 --> 00:15:59.840
I hope, I hope, and pray that it's different today than what I experienced, but I haven't really uh paid a huge amount of attention to what what that's like for survivors now.
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:05.440
And I know a lot of laws have changed since my trial in '92.
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:10.399
So that some things have improved for victims and survivors.
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:18.720
Um, but I would say that the judicial system is still set up to protect the perpetrator, not the victim.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:22.480
I mean, no matter what the crime is, that is the case.
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:29.360
And so I wish we could kind of take a look at that and say, you know what, let's take care of the victim.
00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:49.840
And these the people that are doing the perpetrating, um, maybe shouldn't have as quite as many rights as we as we think, because in my case, um just being put into the same courtroom with him was extremely traumatizing.
00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:54.000
I could barely function, I could barely mentally operate.
00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:58.240
I was expected to sit on a stand less than 10 feet from him.
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:04.000
And then at one point, they expected me to draw the layout of the house five feet from him.
00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:07.200
My legs were shaking so bad I could hardly stand up.
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:22.079
They, you know, no one took into account how horrific it was for me to be sitting in front of him describing all of these details about what he did to me sexually in front of a courtroom of people.
00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:44.079
And, you know, I know they allow smaller children to testify via video, but I really think even if you're an adult and you're, you know, a survivor, you should be able to do that too, because that almost made me physically, physically sick and vomit every day I was there, knowing what I was walking into.
00:17:44.319 --> 00:18:00.640
Well, even your own uh legal representation, and I know that she was trying to help you win your case, and and you know, but even even she would sometimes she didn't understand actually some of the interactions that you had with her.
00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:06.480
It was um almost like a lecturing for not doing what you're supposed to be doing.
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:08.079
Yeah, it was shocking.
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:12.640
The first time she screamed at me, I I just my mind completely shut down.
00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:16.319
I was not expecting it, but I understood it later.
00:18:16.480 --> 00:18:22.480
Um, I was being very um evasive and I was reluctant to talk.
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:40.000
Um, my parents at that time were sitting in the courtroom and she was asking me questions about, you know, the neglect and alcoholism in the house, and my parents are sitting there, and I'm well, yeah, it wasn't, yeah, it was, yeah, that was kind of hard, and that was it was it wasn't very good.
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:43.119
And I mean, she and it's like pulling teeth.
00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:46.559
And then after that, she didn't allow them in the courtroom.
00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:53.279
But I was just being evasive and reluctant to talk that she was gonna lose moving forward.
00:18:53.599 --> 00:19:05.200
And she took me in the hallway and screamed at me a couple times, and and then the other times during the trial when uh they pulled me back in for rebuttal testimony.
00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:24.400
They had I had just woken up, I had been sleeping in another room, and she started showing me pictures of the basement, and my brain was just going all over the place because I'm look now looking at pictures of where I was abused, and then they throw me on the stand and start, you know, arguing about semantics.
00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:26.400
There were no locks on the doors.
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:28.079
What are you talking about?
00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:33.359
And you're lying, you weren't locked in a closet because there's no locks on the doors.
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:50.720
And I'm my I couldn't even come come up with a rational reasoning of trying to explain that if he put you in there, you would be an absolute idiot to open that door and walk out on your own because he's gonna beat the daylights out of you.
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:53.759
And so if he put you in there, you were locked in the closet.
00:19:53.920 --> 00:20:00.160
I'm sorry that I used the word lock when there were no locks on the doors, but that's how it was.
00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:07.279
And but the whole time my brain was just trying to, you know, pull this information.
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:20.960
But the minute you start yelling at me or challenging me or calling me a liar or all the all these things that went on during the trial, uh, survivors' brains just start, you know, going haywire.
00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:30.400
And so the whole trial itself was extremely traumatizing, but I would never change it for a minute.
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:39.359
I am so, so grateful that I walked that that journey because, you know, spoiler alert, he was convicted.
00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:47.039
And it was a tough conviction to sell because it's uh almost eight years later.
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:57.839
And you know, I it was basically my testimony and others that testified in my behalf versus him and his people testifying.
00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.839
It was like, who do you believe?
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:08.799
And that's what won her the trial was why would this individual come in here, make these claims, go through an entire trial?
00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:10.319
She's like, Was this fun for you?
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:13.200
No, ma'am, this was not fun for me.
00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:16.160
You know, I'm I'm not here because I'm bored.
00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:27.440
And so she kind of when in her closing argument explained that to the jury as to who had more to lose, who was who was facing a bigger fallout.
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:42.000
And so, you know, the the jury saw through all of the manipulation and lies from his testimony and and really how sincere I was, and the fact that why would I be sitting here explaining all this if not if it didn't happen?
00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:47.920
Well, right, plus your actual physical reaction to some of the questioning.
00:21:48.160 --> 00:22:00.880
Um and that's one thing that's so frustrating about the judicial system is the lack of trauma-informed individuals who are working there to understand what is happening to the victim.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:15.599
I mean, if you go to therapy and you have a therapist who's in a room with it's just the two of you, and you are talking about if we're going back to this memory, you have a way to keep yourself grounded to know where you are presently.
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:32.559
But in the courtroom, they're asking you, I want you to go back to that basement and I want you to detail everything while he's sitting right there, and then to not have any understanding of why you wouldn't be able to think clearly and why you would be freaking out.
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:34.960
Yes, I agree.
00:22:35.119 --> 00:22:36.720
It was really, really tough.
00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:40.799
And that is not the best approach at all for survivors.
00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:49.759
And I've I was even asked to speak to uh a college health and human services about trauma-informed health care.
00:22:50.240 --> 00:23:02.319
I mean, not to go down another different rabbit hole, but that in itself also is very difficult for people who have been abused to navigate the health system and to deal with what that brings.
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:16.160
And so both of those need to be looked, everything needs to be looked at in terms of trauma-informed for when you know we have women, men, children who are that traumatized.
00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:25.039
And then you're expecting them to kind of perform normally, and it just doesn't work out that way in many instances.
00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:30.240
Going to the grocery store can be you know triggering for me.
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:34.160
Um, going into any kind of crowds or any any anything.
00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:44.160
I mean, sounds, smells are very often triggering to me when I'm out in public.
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:51.359
And I keep myself very secure and closed in because I eliminate triggers that way.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:24:03.519
And so just going to the dentist, I mean, I cancel my appointments more times than I actually show up because it's so hard for me to get there and be in that in that type of position.
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:04.720
It's horrible.
00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:08.480
I mean, I'm just my hands are gripping the chair the whole time.
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.480
I'm almost hyperventilating, and I'm just like, just get it done, get it done.
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:22.799
And so there's a lot of things that we don't think about when people are abused at that level of how they deal with just very basic day-to-day life.
00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:23.359
Right.
00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:46.640
And even outside of the courtroom, there's not very much support in general for survivors, just the day-to-day, a lot of individuals could look at a survivor and question, like how you were mentioning why would you keep going back over to that house instead of holding the perpetrator accountable for why would you abuse a child?
00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:50.799
It's why asking, why would a child go back to that house?
00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:51.519
Right.
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:52.079
Yes.
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.759
Yeah, we always looked at we always look at the victim first.
00:24:55.920 --> 00:25:02.240
I don't know how we've gotten there in society, but yeah, I mean, I never asked for any of that.
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.960
It I came up upon it happenstance.
00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:10.640
I walked in on an ab on him abusing his daughter, and then bam, I'm pulled into it.
00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:14.559
Whether he was intending to pull me in before that or not, I have no clue.
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:18.720
But I was I was pulled in before I even knew what was going on.
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:23.680
And before I could even think of a way of getting myself out of it, it was already too late.
00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:25.599
I mean, he was threatening me.
00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:30.720
He was threatening he was threatening in every possible conceivable way.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:34.880
And half the time they were contradicting and it didn't even make sense.
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:38.799
But I'm eight years old and I'm have no clue what's going on.
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:47.359
And so, you know, it's we forget what an eight-year-old mind is doing.
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:53.119
And so to an adult, my returning to that house does seem insane.
00:25:53.839 --> 00:25:57.839
But again, you're you're not thinking from an eight-year-old's perspective.
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:58.319
Right.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:11.200
Well, and then even in uh victims of domestic violence as adults, the the victim a lot of times will return back to their abuser, and it's there's a psychological connection that brings them back to it.
00:26:11.519 --> 00:26:21.119
And even despite just being questioned of why would you stay so long or why would you go back, there's always the questions too of like, well, did that really happen?
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:24.319
That sounds awfully exaggerated.
00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:32.160
I mean, there's because and I get it, as human beings, we don't want to believe that other human beings can do that to another person.
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:33.359
Right, right.
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:34.559
Yeah, but you're right.
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:39.279
The question should be, you know, why is your husband beating you?
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:45.680
Let's look at that first before we ask her and question her or doubt her story.
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:50.880
It's like, why does he think it's okay that he knocks you down because dinner was 10 minutes late?
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:52.240
Exactly, exactly.
00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:55.759
We need to start turning our focus more on the perpetrators.
00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:58.480
Uh so you mentioned a second book.
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:00.799
What do you have a title of the second book?
00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:13.200
Yes, it's it's still called Carpenter Road, but it's the inadmissible years, because everything at trial, which is a legal term, was inadmissible.
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:20.160
And so it is called Carpenter Road, the inadmissible years, and it does have a different cover than the first one.
00:27:20.400 --> 00:27:23.920
And so being that it's a prequel, I kept it very similar.
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:25.039
That makes sense.
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:48.000
And so, like you discussed, that one goes into more of what happened when everything initiated, so the reader can understand the grooming process more, and it gives professionals who work with children an insight as to what clues to look for in children who may be getting abused at home.
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:49.200
Is that correct?
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:50.559
Yeah, absolutely.
00:27:50.720 --> 00:28:00.720
If you read it, uh you will probably be thinking to yourself, what especially in my grade school, what are those teachers thinking?
00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:01.519
What are they doing?
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:03.200
Why are they not helping her?
00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:10.559
I mean, I came in with excellent, I switched schools in third grade, and that's how I met the family.
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:20.400
And so coming into this school, I'm coming in with very good academic records, attendance, and behavioral, no behavioral issues at all.
00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:24.720
Eight months later, I'm barely passing any class.
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:40.960
I'm absent more than I'm there, and I have horrendous behavioral issues within eight months of stepping into that situation, into that school, and not one teacher tried to help me, tried to reach out, tried to ask me questions.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:45.759
I was visibly bruised and in pain quite often.
00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:48.319
You know, none of that was addressed.
00:28:48.720 --> 00:29:05.440
And so that that was a really unfortunate situation, and um I give all credit to when I went into high school that those teachers um intervened.
00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:30.160
It was really scary at first because I wasn't used to it, and I knew that it was gonna cause some sort of um exposure to what was happening, which was my biggest fear, which again is part of that whole grooming situation of what I'm thinking of being caught is like the worst in the world, even though I want out of the situation desperately.
00:29:30.319 --> 00:29:34.400
Getting caught was as worse as the abuse itself.
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:47.039
And I give them all the credit for you know, helping me get out of the situation, um, making my family put me into therapy, early intervention for therapy.
00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:53.119
I I wouldn't be where I am today had the teachers at that school stepped in.
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:56.400
But my grooming process was violent.
00:29:56.960 --> 00:29:59.759
And I don't really I mean, I don't know what the percent.
00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:10.559
Are on grooming or abuse when it's done in a way that's, you know, very methodic and almost kind at the beginning.
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:18.880
You know, they're paying special attention, they're giving them treats, they're focusing on a talent that they might have.
00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:25.039
Um, and they're kind of taking them along the process of ultimately when that line is crossed.
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:47.359
In my situation, he was violent right from the beginning, but I would still say that there was a lot of grooming that took place because I didn't have a clue what he was doing, and I didn't understand for the longest time that he would ask me questions like, Where have you been?
00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:54.640
And, you know, I'm I didn't know if he meant five minutes ago or if he meant a week ago.
00:30:54.799 --> 00:30:57.839
I didn't I didn't understand what he was getting at.
00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:07.359
But what he was ultimately teaching me was that I better get my ass back over to that house as often as I can.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319
00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:03.680
00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:07.360
00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:11.439
00:00:11.679 --> 00:00:14.640
00:00:14.880 --> 00:00:33.600
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:35.840
00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:42.000
00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:56.000
00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:59.920
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:01.520
00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:02.880
00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:05.280
00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:12.879
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:14.640
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:28.000
00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:34.319
00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:42.879
00:01:43.120 --> 00:01:47.040
00:01:47.359 --> 00:01:52.239
00:01:52.400 --> 00:02:04.959
00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:10.560
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:18.319
00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:21.280
00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:31.919
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:52.560
00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:56.159
00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:03.599
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:04.400
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:10.080
00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:11.120
00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:12.400
00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:14.879
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:22.240
00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:33.520
00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:42.639
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:48.159
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:52.639
00:03:52.960 --> 00:04:08.560
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:14.800
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:25.759
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:31.439
00:04:33.120 --> 00:04:42.560
00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:44.480
00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:56.160
00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:22.639
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:28.480
00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:46.480
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:53.920
00:05:54.160 --> 00:06:21.120
00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:32.000
00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:36.959
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.040
00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:52.240
00:06:52.480 --> 00:07:02.399
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:19.279
00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:46.079
00:07:46.399 --> 00:08:13.040
00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:22.480
00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:39.279
00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:53.279
00:08:53.919 --> 00:09:04.159
00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:06.720
00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:08.480
00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:09.600
00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:10.159
00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:22.320
00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:24.720
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:26.799
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:32.159
00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:36.480
00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:43.919
00:09:44.080 --> 00:10:08.240
00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:28.799
00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:41.679
00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:46.879
00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:54.240
00:10:54.480 --> 00:11:08.639
00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:17.360
00:11:17.600 --> 00:11:21.360
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:25.759
00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:30.639
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:41.120
00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:49.600
00:11:49.919 --> 00:12:18.399
00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:20.399
00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:32.639
00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:35.679
00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:45.440
00:12:45.679 --> 00:13:05.279
00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:07.679
00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:17.679
00:13:17.919 --> 00:13:21.519
00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.679
00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:44.000
00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:46.320
00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:49.679
00:13:50.080 --> 00:14:02.799
00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:14.320
00:14:14.559 --> 00:14:22.480
00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:36.639
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:40.639
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:48.399
00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:54.159
00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:55.200
00:14:55.440 --> 00:15:10.159
00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:17.759
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:27.039
00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:35.039
00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:45.519
00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:47.120
00:15:47.519 --> 00:15:59.840
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:05.440
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:10.399
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:18.720
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:22.480
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:29.360
00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:49.840
00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:54.000
00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:58.240
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:04.000
00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:07.200
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:22.079
00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:44.079
00:17:44.319 --> 00:18:00.640
00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:06.480
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:08.079
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:12.640
00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:16.319
00:18:16.480 --> 00:18:22.480
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:40.000
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:43.119
00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:46.559
00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:53.279
00:18:53.599 --> 00:19:05.200
00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:24.400
00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:26.400
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:28.079
00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:33.359
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:50.720
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:53.759
00:19:53.920 --> 00:20:00.160
00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:07.279
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:20.960
00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:30.400
00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:39.359
00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:47.039
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:57.839
00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.839
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:08.799
00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:10.319
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:13.200
00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:16.160
00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:27.440
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:42.000
00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:47.920
00:21:48.160 --> 00:22:00.880
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:15.599
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:32.559
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:34.960
00:22:35.119 --> 00:22:36.720
00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:40.799
00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:49.759
00:22:50.240 --> 00:23:02.319
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:16.160
00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:25.039
00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:30.240
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:34.160
00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:44.160
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:51.359
00:23:51.759 --> 00:24:03.519
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:04.720
00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:08.480
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.480
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:22.799
00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:23.359
00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:46.640
00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:50.799
00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:51.519
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:52.079
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.759
00:24:55.920 --> 00:25:02.240
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.960
00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:10.640
00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:14.559
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:18.720
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:23.680
00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:25.599
00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:30.720
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:34.880
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:38.799
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:47.359
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:53.119
00:25:53.839 --> 00:25:57.839
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:58.319
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:11.200
00:26:11.519 --> 00:26:21.119
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:24.319
00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:32.160
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:33.359
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:34.559
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:39.279
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:45.680
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:50.880
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:52.240
00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:55.759
00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:58.480
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:00.799
00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:13.200
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:20.160
00:27:20.400 --> 00:27:23.920
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:25.039
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:48.000
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:49.200
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:50.559
00:27:50.720 --> 00:28:00.720
00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:01.519
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:03.200
00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:10.559
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:20.400
00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:24.720
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:40.960
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:45.759
00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:48.319
00:28:48.720 --> 00:29:05.440
00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:30.160
00:29:30.319 --> 00:29:34.400
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:47.039
00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:53.119
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:56.400
00:29:56.960 --> 00:29:59.759
00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:10.559
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:18.880
00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:25.039
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:47.359
00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:54.640
00:30:54.799 --> 00:30:57.839
00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:07.359