Oct. 21, 2025

Protecting Kids After Domestic Violence: Dr. Royster on Post-Separation Abuse I Ep. 91

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Season 3

In this episode of 1 in 3, child psychologist Dr. Royster joins Ingrid to unpack how to protect children’s mental health in high-conflict co-parenting and post-separation abuse situations. A calm home, a steady voice, and the right words at the right time can change a child’s life—even when a co-parent thrives on chaos.

Dr. Royster breaks down the three main co-parenting models—collaborative, nesting, and parallel parenting—and explains when each approach fits. If your ex uses control, blame, or litigation as leverage, you’ll learn why parallel parenting may be the safest path and how to apply it without escalating conflict. She also shares practical scripts for debriefing after exchanges, helping parents validate feelings, reduce anxiety, and protect their children from emotional harm.

We get specific about documentation that holds up in court—tracking patterns, transitions, and measurable effects on your child instead of drowning in daily notes. Dr. Royster outlines when to seek trauma-informed therapy—for signs like chronic anxiety, extended sadness, or regression—and how to find a therapist who understands domestic violence dynamics and high-conflict divorce.

When therapy access is blocked, she offers backup options like coaching, group support, and tools for managing tech conflicts, recorded calls, and inconsistent rules between homes. The message is hope and agency: one attuned, consistent parent can be a powerful buffer against instability and manipulation.

If this episode helps, subscribe, rate, and share so more families facing post-separation abuse can find clear, compassionate guidance. Tell us the next question you want a child psychologist to answer on 1 in 3.

Dr. Royster’s Links:

https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/dr-karalynn-royster/

https://learnwithlittlehouse.com/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kids-first-co-parenting-with-dr-royster/id1828016840

https://www.instagram.com/learnwithlittlehouse/

https://www.youtube.com/@learnwithlittlehouse

https://www.tiktok.com/@learnwithlittlehouse

1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.

Support the show

If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.

Contact 1 in 3:

Thank you for listening!

Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe

00:00 - Setting The Stage: High-Conflict Co-Parenting

01:16 - Meet Dr. Royster And Her Work

03:33 - Defining Co‑Parenting, Nesting, Parallel

08:03 - Abuse Dynamics And Power Control

11:28 - What To Do When Kids Return Dysregulated

15:03 - Documentation And Communication Skills

19:08 - Teaching Kids Feelings And Reality Testing

22:23 - Red Flags That Signal Therapy

25:33 - Finding The Right Child Therapist

29:33 - Court Orders, Consent, And Switching Therapists

33:43 - Siblings In Therapy: Together Or Separate

36:33 - Coaching Moms When Therapy Isn’t Possible

39:53 - Programs, Masterclasses, And Resources

42:53 - Teens, Tech, And Mixed Household Rules

45:43 - Closing Insights: One Steady Adult

WEBVTT

00:00:23.579 --> 00:00:35.259
Co-parenting and specifically high conflict co-parenting in the context of post-separation abuse are topics we're all becoming increasingly familiar with on this podcast.

00:00:35.500 --> 00:00:40.060
But the truth is, there's still so much more left to learn.

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Please welcome my guest joining me today, child psychologist Dr.

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Royster, who is here to help us dive deeper.

00:00:47.579 --> 00:00:48.140
Hi, Dr.

00:00:48.219 --> 00:00:48.859
Royster.

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Thank you so much for joining me today.

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I'm so happy to be here.

00:00:52.379 --> 00:00:53.100
Thank you.

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Okay, so before we dive into our conversation, could you give a bit of a background just so the listeners can get to know you?

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Yeah.

00:01:01.420 --> 00:01:04.140
Well, so let's see.

00:01:04.620 --> 00:01:07.979
I'm in Colorado and I'm a Wisconsin native.

00:01:08.140 --> 00:01:09.740
You and I talk about that a lot.

00:01:10.219 --> 00:01:10.859
Um yeah.

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That's also why it's so easy to talk to both of us, I think.

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Um I have two kids, and we live and parent here in Colorado.

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We have for a long time.

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I'm a child psychologist.

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I have my own practice here in the Denver area.

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It's called Little House Psychology, an homage to Laura Engelsweiler, who started in Wisconsin as well.

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That's right.

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Little House in the Big Woods.

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My daughter started reading that book.

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Yeah, just the other day.

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Go back and read them.

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You're a little bit like, ooh, there's this is problematic.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, there's some problems.

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But uh, I loved the books when I was little.

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And so that's where the practice name came from.

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And then I do therapy almost exclusively with children.

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That's my specialty.

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That's what I've always loved doing.

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And I work with a lot of kids from two homes.

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And so I see those children therapeutically.

00:02:05.819 --> 00:02:18.300
And then over time, I started to realize that there's this whole group of people that, moms in particular, that really struggle to know how to support their kids in that dynamic.

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And as the therapist or as their psychologist, I was really limited with what I could and couldn't say, right?

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You really have to be very neutral.

00:02:27.980 --> 00:02:33.819
And so out of that came my second business, which is learn with a little house.

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And that is a coaching business only for moms who are moving past or still in high conflict divorce, post-separation abuse, um, managing having their kiddos go in and out of these really toxic dynamics.

00:02:51.099 --> 00:03:03.900
And so I do a lot of work there talking with moms about how, like if I could be a little bug in your ear when a kid comes back and says something really off the wall to you, that's what I do in that business.

00:03:04.219 --> 00:03:05.020
Okay, perfect.

00:03:05.180 --> 00:03:07.340
So it's a very long introduction.

00:03:07.580 --> 00:03:09.419
No, but that's exactly what we need here.

00:03:09.580 --> 00:03:10.620
So um, okay.

00:03:10.699 --> 00:03:15.580
Well, and well, I was looking at your profile, and then there's you had a few terms that I wasn't really sure.

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The difference between co-parenting, parallel parenting, and nesting.

00:03:19.419 --> 00:03:19.819
Yeah.

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I don't know what that is.

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Okay, this is great.

00:03:23.099 --> 00:03:25.259
So I'm happy to talk about this.

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I would say that the gold standard for kids, what helps kids a lot post-divorce, is what we consider to be collaborative co-parenting.

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So that's kind of the gold standard.

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Basically, you can think of it as kids do worse when there's more conflict.

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Right?

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So everybody's kind of trying to get to this really beautiful co-parenting dynamic, right?

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Where, you know, you get along, you can stand by each other at the soccer game and the police doesn't get called.

00:04:01.659 --> 00:04:14.539
Um, you can generally text each other, you can talk to each other, you're not super worried about your co-parent, you know, talking shit about you or sabotaging your relationship, right?

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This is definitely kind of the dynamic, very business-like, is very collaborative as well.

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But I would say even friendly.

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Okay.

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So that's collaborative co-parenting.

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Anytime you hear somebody talk about that, they will tell you that took a lot of work.

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That took a lot of time.

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We still have our moments, right?

00:04:34.939 --> 00:04:39.340
Like if we could parent peacefully together, we might still be together, right?

00:04:39.740 --> 00:04:42.779
So that's a that's kind of what people are working towards.

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And that's what the research tells us helps kids the most.

00:04:46.379 --> 00:04:49.500
On both, you can kind of think of that as the middle of the road.

00:04:49.819 --> 00:04:53.579
On both sides of that are parallel and nesting.

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Nesting is a term that we use for folks that you can, it's comes from bird nesting.

00:05:01.660 --> 00:05:03.019
Think of birds, right?

00:05:03.180 --> 00:05:04.540
Um, think of birds.

00:05:04.699 --> 00:05:14.779
The bird nest is the family home, and the kids stay there, and one parent flies, quote unquote, in and out of the house.

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So there's usually a separate house on the outside, like a small apartment or something, that the kids really never go to, but the parents transition in and out of the house.

00:05:24.540 --> 00:05:27.579
It works best when it's temporary.

00:05:28.139 --> 00:05:36.779
So, in in cities and places like where we live, in Colorado, I assume also in Tennessee, houses are really expensive.

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The housing market's bananas, even if you had the money to get a house, would be hard.

00:05:41.899 --> 00:05:48.699
And so a lot of families use this while they're still in tied up in divorce proceedings, right?

00:05:48.779 --> 00:05:58.139
If you're waiting to sell the house or you're waiting for, I don't know, part of your um settlement to help you purchase a second home, right?

00:05:58.220 --> 00:05:59.819
Like this kind of dynamic.

00:06:00.060 --> 00:06:06.060
As you can imagine, that requires a very high level of cooperation, right?

00:06:06.379 --> 00:06:17.579
Because if you got salty when he wouldn't unload the dishwasher before, imagine when you're not there and you come back from your apartment and the dishwasher is dirty, right?

00:06:17.819 --> 00:06:21.899
So it's it requires a pretty high level of cooperation.

00:06:22.139 --> 00:06:22.459
Okay.

00:06:22.620 --> 00:06:24.459
So that's kind of the nesting idea.

00:06:24.939 --> 00:06:30.939
Then at the far end of the other side of the continuum is what we call parallel parenting.

00:06:31.180 --> 00:06:39.259
Parallel parenting is you want to think about it a little bit like um like a divided highway, right?

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Like an interstate.

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You're going one direction, your partner's going the other direction, you do not cross the median, right?

00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:51.899
What happens in our house is my own rules, my own punishments.

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They don't, it's not like if I take away the iPad at my place, I can expect the iPad to be taken away at the other house, right?

00:07:00.620 --> 00:07:09.660
Um rules are separate, routines are separate, there's very little communication across the interstate, right?

00:07:10.300 --> 00:07:19.899
And typically, parallel parenting, it's very normal for folks to do parallel parenting before they can get to collaborative.

00:07:20.139 --> 00:07:23.100
And that's because there's a lot of healing and hurt, right?

00:07:23.180 --> 00:07:26.459
So along the grief process, that's pretty normal.

00:07:26.620 --> 00:07:28.139
And then you move towards that.

00:07:28.379 --> 00:07:44.540
But we also see it in situations where there was abuse, violence, um, where there's post-separation abuse, where there continues to be this really high conflict, very litigious, very intense relationship.

00:07:44.779 --> 00:07:48.220
Then we often recommend parallel parenting for everyone's sake.

00:07:48.379 --> 00:07:56.220
It's better for the courts, for the legal proceedings, and it's also better for usually the co-parent's own mental health, right?

00:07:56.779 --> 00:07:58.779
There's less, there's less crossing.

00:07:59.819 --> 00:08:21.259
Well, I think, unfortunately, for probably a lot of the listeners, given this as a domestic violence podcast, is that it's probably a combination of parallel parking or parking, parking, parallel parenting um with the abusive ex, like playing, crossing that median and playing chicken with you.

00:08:22.300 --> 00:08:24.139
You know, this is not my quote.

00:08:24.220 --> 00:08:37.899
I didn't come up with this, but I read somewhere that it's like co-parenting, quote unquote, whatever you want to call it, um, is one of the only dynamics where you're expected to stay in contact with your abuser.

00:08:38.860 --> 00:08:39.579
You have to.

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You have children, right?

00:08:41.819 --> 00:09:04.059
And and sometimes that person disappears, but often the types of folks that engage in abuse, narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, that that type of abuse are really interested in power and control and having kids in the dynamic is like, I don't know, their fuel.

00:09:04.299 --> 00:09:07.899
Like they're they're not interested in what's best for their kids.

00:09:07.980 --> 00:09:10.460
They're interested in power and control over you.

00:09:10.940 --> 00:09:13.419
And the way they do that is through the kids.

00:09:13.820 --> 00:09:14.460
Exactly.

00:09:14.620 --> 00:09:30.299
And that I think is where there's the potential for so many, I guess, mistakes that the the victim parent can run into because they're trying to advocate for their child or children.

00:09:30.620 --> 00:09:35.419
They're also trying to navigate this whole power struggle that's happening.

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And there's this fine line between advocating and becoming too aggressive, to where the court system looks at that parent and thinks they're actually the controlling one or they're actually the aggressive person.

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Yes.

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And I think what gets really tricky too is in cases where it's it's more of an emotional or narcissistic abuse, that's very hard to prove.

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Right.

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And so, and it's you know, it's not as clear as something like physical abuse, where there's a CPS report, there's an injury, it's not, it's not debatable if it's happening or not.

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And the classic move is to say, uh, well, she's just poisoning me against the kids when moms are trying to talk about this kind of concern they have for their children's well-being.

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Right.

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So many thoughts on sure.

00:10:49.659 --> 00:10:56.059
And I've had a few people come on and and talk about this in you know, different from different points of view.

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But uh like what do you I don't think we can hear enough.

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Like, what do you do?

00:11:01.580 --> 00:11:28.700
You know, how do you how do you, when you're getting your kids home and you realize that what's happening, you know, you're doing that sort of parallel parenting, but what's happening at that other house is damaging or, you know, not not creating this stable environment for the kids to where they're emotionally healthy, they're adjusting well, or you know, even bad not taking on bad destructive behavior.

00:11:28.940 --> 00:11:31.740
How do you counteract, I guess?

00:11:32.059 --> 00:11:32.379
Yeah.

00:11:32.620 --> 00:11:40.220
Well, and I think this goes back to what you what we were talking about earlier about why it's important to understand what lane that you're in.

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Because if you have a collaborative dynamic, if this is somebody you even have a business-like relationship with, or you have you're working really hard to assume the best of your co-parent, you're gonna handle those situations different, right?

00:11:56.220 --> 00:12:01.500
Because you might know your kid is being a kid and trying to play you guys off of each other.

00:12:01.820 --> 00:12:08.620
So your kid might come back and say something like, Well, dad says you're really stupid with money, right?

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If I'm in a collaborative dynamic, I may think to myself, or even just with my own kids, right?

00:12:14.779 --> 00:12:17.259
We're still together, we're partnered, right?

00:12:17.899 --> 00:12:21.659
I know that they wouldn't say that about me, right?

00:12:21.820 --> 00:12:28.059
So it's really easy for me to be like, Well, I wonder what your dad was thinking when he said that.

00:12:28.220 --> 00:12:34.299
Or I'm pretty sure your dad doesn't think I'm stupid if he said that, you know, like whatever, right?

00:12:34.379 --> 00:12:35.259
You might address it.

00:12:35.340 --> 00:12:42.299
And then you might go to your co-parent and say, Hey, look, uh, they said you said this, and I know you would never say that.

00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:44.059
What do you think is going on here?

00:12:44.379 --> 00:12:44.940
Right.

00:12:45.259 --> 00:12:49.580
Imagine that with someone toxic.

00:12:49.820 --> 00:12:54.779
And I'm using that term to encompass all of what this podcast kind of talks about.

00:12:55.019 --> 00:12:56.539
You you would never, right?

00:12:56.620 --> 00:12:58.700
You wouldn't open yourself up to that.

00:12:59.019 --> 00:13:06.220
You to your child might be thinking, well, it's pretty likely they did hear that, and it's pretty likely they meant it.

00:13:06.460 --> 00:13:09.100
And now I have to offset this, right?

00:13:09.740 --> 00:13:11.500
So, how do we manage that?

00:13:11.659 --> 00:13:16.059
Well, this is why there's whole other programs and systems.

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It takes a different set of skills.

00:13:17.740 --> 00:13:19.019
It really does.

00:13:19.419 --> 00:13:28.940
The first thing that we talk about all the time is documenting, having a very good system for how and what you're documenting.

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Because in these post-separation abuse dynamics, you the list of what you're documenting is endless.

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So there's a strategy that I recommend folks work with their attorneys on around what is it we're trying to achieve?

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What is it I'm really trying to prove that they are consistently speaking poorly about me?

00:13:51.179 --> 00:14:00.620
Or I'm really trying to approve that they trying to prove, not approve, trying to prove that they're inching closer and closer with transitions.

00:14:00.779 --> 00:14:03.419
They're getting earlier and earlier and earlier, right?

00:14:03.899 --> 00:14:10.299
Or I'm seeing a pattern of every time kiddo comes back from a long visit, we have fall apart for two days.

00:14:10.539 --> 00:14:17.980
Whatever it might be, you're you're strategically documenting that because otherwise you get super overwhelmed documenting everything.

00:14:18.139 --> 00:14:18.460
Okay.

00:14:18.620 --> 00:14:20.139
So there's that piece.

00:14:20.539 --> 00:14:29.980
And then there is support and coaching around what to say and what not to say to kids, right?

00:14:30.940 --> 00:14:33.500
Sometimes I work mostly with moms.

00:14:33.740 --> 00:14:45.659
Um, sometimes moms have read or kind of been, it's been drilled into them to not say anything poorly or or bad about their ex, right?

00:14:46.539 --> 00:14:51.820
And over time, the way that gets translated is I just won't say anything.

00:14:52.059 --> 00:14:57.259
The kid comes back and they say that dad said I was stupid.

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I'm not supposed to say anything bad, so I don't say what I want to say, which is no, he's stupid, and he's stupid for telling you that.

00:15:06.779 --> 00:15:09.179
Which of course you might think but not say, right?

00:15:09.580 --> 00:15:11.019
And so you end up saying nothing.

00:15:11.100 --> 00:15:16.620
You say something like, oh, okay, and then move on, right?

00:15:17.419 --> 00:15:27.740
But when kids' mental health is at play and when it really is like turning against you, you need to go a step beyond that.

00:15:27.899 --> 00:15:32.139
And you need to say something like, I really appreciate you telling me that.

00:15:32.620 --> 00:15:36.779
What did that make you feel like when he was talking about me like that?

00:15:37.259 --> 00:15:40.700
Or, gosh, you know, we don't call people stupid.

00:15:41.179 --> 00:15:44.539
What is that's kind of a hurtful thing to say to someone.

00:15:44.860 --> 00:15:48.059
You see how that's not talking badly about him at all.

00:15:48.460 --> 00:15:49.100
It isn't.

00:15:49.179 --> 00:15:51.340
I'm not saying he shouldn't be saying that to you.

00:15:51.500 --> 00:15:54.460
I'm saying, what did that feel like to hear that?

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And thanks for telling me.

00:15:56.700 --> 00:15:59.740
So it's that type of skill that we teach.

00:16:00.139 --> 00:16:10.379
Okay, and that's also putting it on the kid to recognize their feelings and to understand that their feelings are validated and okay to feel.

00:16:10.700 --> 00:16:11.340
Yeah, yeah.

00:16:11.580 --> 00:16:20.220
Because you also have to imagine in that dynamic, it's probably not safe for that kid to disagree with that toxic person.

00:16:20.379 --> 00:16:20.700
Right.

00:16:20.860 --> 00:16:26.220
Uh, and and that could be actual physical safety, but it could also be emotional safety.

00:16:26.460 --> 00:16:35.980
This is someone that will shame me or call me stupid or make my life hell if I say, like, hey, I don't think mom's stupid.

00:16:36.299 --> 00:16:36.620
Right.

00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:44.779
And it also speaks to your relationship with your child that they're coming back and sharing what they saw and felt.

00:16:45.340 --> 00:16:45.980
Right.

00:16:46.299 --> 00:16:46.700
Yeah.

00:16:46.940 --> 00:16:53.899
So, you know, our goal is always the we want our kids to be well adjusted and stable.

00:16:54.220 --> 00:17:10.380
So other than that, are there any other things that parents can do to make sure that they are helping their children develop to become emotionally secure, and especially in these like really diverse chaotic environments?

00:17:10.860 --> 00:17:11.820
There's so much.

00:17:11.980 --> 00:17:13.420
I mean, there's so much you can do.

00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:16.299
We have a whole like program on this, right?

00:17:16.619 --> 00:17:19.900
Because it's many, many small things.

00:17:20.940 --> 00:17:29.259
So part of it is teaching kids how to test reality themselves, right?

00:17:29.420 --> 00:17:32.140
How to look around and sort of discern.

00:17:32.619 --> 00:17:34.460
And this takes a lot of time.

00:17:35.099 --> 00:17:40.460
Younger kids kind of just believe what their parents say, right?

00:17:40.700 --> 00:17:42.859
It's very threatening to not believe that.

00:17:43.259 --> 00:17:55.420
But if you continue to help teach them how to discern and question and observe, over time they do start to see things for what they are, right?

00:17:56.059 --> 00:18:02.539
So if you're doing that in a non-judgmental way that doesn't put them in the middle, that really helps.

00:18:03.099 --> 00:18:15.180
The best things mom can moms can do has to do with, and this is a way oversimplified way of thinking of it, but controlling what they can control, right?

00:18:15.579 --> 00:18:30.859
So if you want to raise kids that speak their mind and share with you and think feelings are okay, then you are really encouraging those things in your own time, in your own lane of the highway, right?

00:18:31.259 --> 00:18:37.660
And you're continuing to try to support that with the other lane, but knowing that you can't, right?

00:18:38.059 --> 00:18:38.539
Right.

00:18:38.779 --> 00:18:38.940
Right.

00:18:39.259 --> 00:18:44.700
You can't text him and be like, listen, when she starts crying, you better say, It's okay to cry.

00:18:47.019 --> 00:18:49.819
It's not gonna probably do the exact opposite.

00:18:50.059 --> 00:18:51.579
Exactly, exactly.

00:18:51.819 --> 00:18:59.420
But you can, when she comes back and she says, I started crying and I got in trouble for it, you can say things like, Well, that's not okay.

00:18:59.819 --> 00:19:01.339
Sorry that happened to you.

00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:03.339
Yeah, it's always okay to cry.

00:19:03.500 --> 00:19:03.740
Right.

00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:04.059
Right?

00:19:04.140 --> 00:19:07.259
So you're reinforcing your values whenever you can.

00:19:08.380 --> 00:19:13.420
So I can do thinking.

00:19:13.740 --> 00:19:14.220
I know.

00:19:14.299 --> 00:19:17.019
And then remember, I was saying it's swirly.

00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:21.180
So it's I have to like well, and it is an oversimplified way.

00:19:21.339 --> 00:19:25.579
I mean, we're trying to distill like what I teach in six months, right?

00:19:26.380 --> 00:19:26.700
Right.

00:19:27.339 --> 00:19:35.019
Well, okay, so let's say parents are are doing all of you know these techniques, these um techniques.

00:19:36.059 --> 00:19:57.579
When when uh is there any like warning signs or like red alert sign, or you don't want to get to a red alert, but any signs where you're thinking, I might need to actually have my child go seek um, you know, communication with somebody, not seek help or that there's something wrong with them, but finding a a third party for them to talk to.

00:19:57.900 --> 00:20:01.420
Yeah, and we'll talk about some of the difficulties with that as well.

00:20:01.819 --> 00:20:10.460
Um the classics, so the first sign that I always talk to moms about is trusting your intuition.

00:20:10.700 --> 00:20:12.779
There really isn't anything more powerful.

00:20:13.019 --> 00:20:14.460
You know your kid best.

00:20:14.700 --> 00:20:20.700
If you're starting to be like, wow, we are way sadder for way longer, right?

00:20:21.339 --> 00:20:26.940
Or this now feels bigger than something I can manage myself.

00:20:27.500 --> 00:20:35.339
It's becoming less of a they're mildly distressed and more like we're anxious all the time, right?

00:20:35.740 --> 00:20:37.500
Or we're getting depressed.

00:20:37.740 --> 00:20:41.099
With littler kids, we see really big behaviors.

00:20:41.500 --> 00:20:47.500
A very common one is separation anxiety that is not really developmentally appropriate.

00:20:47.579 --> 00:20:53.660
There's periods when that's pretty typical, um, and lengths of time that it's pretty typical, right?

00:20:53.740 --> 00:20:57.099
So you're starting a new classroom and you're four.

00:20:57.420 --> 00:21:01.740
It's pretty normal for that to take a couple weeks for you to adjust.

00:21:02.059 --> 00:21:13.980
But if we're now three months in and they're still pulling your screaming child off of you and they're saying, gosh, you know, it takes her an hour to calm down.

00:21:14.299 --> 00:21:19.740
That's we're edging out of what I would consider pretty typical behavior, right?

00:21:20.380 --> 00:21:23.420
So you're watching for those outliers, right?

00:21:23.579 --> 00:21:33.019
Behaviors that are either more intense than they were, or more frequent than they were, right?

00:21:33.180 --> 00:21:35.900
So maybe occasionally we had a hard time with transitions.

00:21:36.059 --> 00:21:37.579
That feels pretty typical.

00:21:37.819 --> 00:21:39.339
Now it's every time.

00:21:39.579 --> 00:21:45.900
Now it's even a transition from, you know, I don't know, like inside to outside.

00:21:46.059 --> 00:21:49.099
We're gonna go play inside, and that transition now melts us down.

00:21:49.259 --> 00:21:49.579
Okay.

00:21:50.140 --> 00:21:52.380
That's the kind of stuff you're watching for.

00:21:52.940 --> 00:21:55.579
The other big thing with kids is regressions.

00:21:55.900 --> 00:21:59.660
So it's just a fancy way of saying we had a skill and now we don't.

00:21:59.900 --> 00:22:02.460
So we were talking, now we're not.

00:22:02.700 --> 00:22:06.380
We were totally polytrained, now we're having accidents every night.

00:22:06.700 --> 00:22:10.140
Um we, I don't know.

00:22:10.299 --> 00:22:14.619
Well, I guess physical regressions, like we could ride a bike or we could walk, and now we can't.

00:22:14.779 --> 00:22:23.740
That probably is more like a physical therapy kind of thing, but you're looking at like we used to be able to cope with things pretty well, and now we're really struggling.

00:22:23.900 --> 00:22:25.980
That's when you want to bring someone in.

00:22:27.500 --> 00:22:28.059
Yeah.

00:22:28.460 --> 00:22:34.619
And what what does one look for when they're looking for somebody for your their kids to talk to?

00:22:35.180 --> 00:22:35.500
Yeah.

00:22:35.740 --> 00:22:38.299
So here's here's the thing.

00:22:38.619 --> 00:22:39.500
Here's the thing.

00:22:39.660 --> 00:22:40.859
Let me tell you, let me tell you.

00:22:41.339 --> 00:22:52.299
Um you want somebody that is willing and has experience with divorce, and in particular with high conflict divorce.

00:22:53.019 --> 00:22:56.460
They, those kinds of folks can be a little like unicorns.

00:22:56.619 --> 00:22:58.380
They're very hard to find.

00:22:58.619 --> 00:23:08.140
It tends, speaking as a mental health professional, it's very, very litigious and very, very stressful to be involved in a case like that.

00:23:08.460 --> 00:23:13.019
And for those reasons, many mental health professionals will say no.

00:23:13.579 --> 00:23:13.900
Okay.

00:23:14.619 --> 00:23:19.180
It's very hard to find a therapist for your child in these situations.

00:23:20.140 --> 00:23:28.539
And that's even if you can get your co-parent to agree to it, which lots of times that's a whole other court involvement.

00:23:28.859 --> 00:23:33.099
Um, so it can be really tricky.

00:23:33.339 --> 00:23:49.500
You do want someone with experience because you need them to know when someone is putting on a show for them, when a parent is trying to manipulate a child or gaslight a child.

00:23:49.740 --> 00:23:52.059
You need them to be able to see that.

00:23:52.380 --> 00:23:52.700
Okay.

00:23:53.420 --> 00:23:58.220
And to not be easily influenced by the competing narratives.

00:23:58.380 --> 00:24:08.380
It's very speaking as someone who does this work, it is very hard to stay neutral and requires a lot of consultation and support from the mental health professional.

00:24:08.700 --> 00:24:12.380
And it's really tricky to find those folks.

00:24:12.619 --> 00:24:14.700
So that's what you're looking for.

00:24:15.259 --> 00:24:16.299
It's hard to find.

00:24:16.619 --> 00:24:18.140
Well, and how do you how do you do that?

00:24:18.220 --> 00:24:32.859
Because I feel like if there's say you're interviewing different um people and you're you're saying, hey, I want you to be able to tell if you know my ex is gaslighting my children or if they're manipulating.

00:24:33.180 --> 00:24:34.700
I guess that's kind of the same thing.

00:24:35.019 --> 00:24:38.779
But you know, how do you know if they're gonna, oh yeah, yeah, I know how to do that.

00:24:38.940 --> 00:24:46.700
Is there anything to really understand if they they truly know what they're talking they're talking about?

00:24:47.099 --> 00:24:52.140
And their abilities to to disclose that information, right?

00:24:52.380 --> 00:24:56.700
So the things you want to listen for is experience, right?

00:24:56.779 --> 00:25:00.059
So you want to ask, like, have you worked with cases like this before?

00:25:00.299 --> 00:25:02.460
What are your standard protocols?

00:25:02.619 --> 00:25:06.059
Like, how do you manage communicating with both of us?

00:25:06.220 --> 00:25:11.180
How do you manage, you know, even just down to the intake process, right?

00:25:11.339 --> 00:25:17.740
If if a therapist doesn't have both parents sign consents, that's concerning, right?

00:25:18.140 --> 00:25:30.619
If they're requesting that you do an intake together and you're like, well, look, we don't, that's not the kind of things we do, you might have to pay extra for that, and that'd be well within, you know, you're using someone's time.

00:25:30.859 --> 00:25:34.140
But you want someone that is like, well, how comfortable are you guys?

00:25:34.299 --> 00:25:37.259
Like, do you want to do it together or do you want to do it separate, right?

00:25:37.660 --> 00:25:46.619
Um, so you're looking for experience, you're looking for their processes that are already in place, and then you're listening for strong boundaries.

00:25:46.940 --> 00:25:53.019
So if they can hold boundaries with people, that means they likely can also hold professional boundaries, right?

00:25:53.259 --> 00:25:53.579
Okay.

00:25:53.980 --> 00:26:05.660
And so oftentimes, like when I take a case like this, I will tell families, like, listen, I can't make custody recommendations in the role of a psychologist for your child.

00:26:05.900 --> 00:26:06.859
That's not my role.

00:26:07.019 --> 00:26:10.700
So don't be playing that game with me, basically, is how I say it.

00:26:10.940 --> 00:26:18.299
You know, you don't need to convince me that she should never see her mom or she should never see her dad, because it's not appropriate for me to say that.

00:26:18.460 --> 00:26:26.059
My job is to help her go back and forth between your two homes, not to judge your two homes, right?

00:26:26.299 --> 00:26:26.779
Right.

00:26:27.019 --> 00:26:29.339
There, there are other psychologists that do that.

00:26:29.420 --> 00:26:30.619
Like that is their job.

00:26:31.339 --> 00:26:32.220
It's not my job.

00:26:32.380 --> 00:26:32.539
Right.

00:26:32.700 --> 00:26:34.140
So you want to hear things like that.

00:26:34.220 --> 00:26:49.259
So you can be like, okay, if a child senses that in therapy they're being pulled to say something, they're being pulled to say who they like more, who they want to live with, you've destroyed the therapeutic relationship.

00:26:49.339 --> 00:26:51.180
It's no longer a safe place.

00:26:51.900 --> 00:26:52.299
Right.

00:26:52.700 --> 00:27:03.819
How abuse works, how narcissistic abuse works, how children in these stressful environments get get kind of move through it.

00:27:03.900 --> 00:27:09.980
Maybe that's the way to say it, is they do have their their loyalties bounce, right?

00:27:10.539 --> 00:27:13.740
They still love someone that has hurt them.

00:27:13.900 --> 00:27:16.299
That's very common for children.

00:27:16.539 --> 00:27:20.059
You need someone that understands that, right?

00:27:20.859 --> 00:27:23.819
So they need to have a strong trauma background as well.

00:27:23.900 --> 00:27:25.660
As I'm talking, I'm thinking about that too.

00:27:25.900 --> 00:27:26.140
Yeah.

00:27:26.299 --> 00:27:26.619
Yeah.

00:27:26.779 --> 00:27:39.420
And I think with all the players in that whole process, attorneys, everybody, you want somebody that is trauma informed, that is going to really understand the situation you're in.

00:27:39.660 --> 00:27:42.460
I have, I'm totally gonna put you on the spot here.

00:27:42.700 --> 00:27:43.420
I'm ready.

00:27:43.660 --> 00:27:44.539
I'm ready.

00:27:44.779 --> 00:27:47.099
Uh so I can cut it out if it's terrible.

00:27:47.180 --> 00:27:48.059
So that's true.

00:27:48.140 --> 00:27:49.019
That is true.

00:27:49.259 --> 00:27:55.099
Um, if if you if you hear a little pause here and it goes to something else, it's because I answered poorly.

00:27:56.140 --> 00:27:58.859
Or you might have said, like, I am not answering that question.

00:27:59.180 --> 00:27:59.500
Yeah.

00:27:59.660 --> 00:28:06.140
Um, so I have a friend whose children were court mandated to go to a therapist.

00:28:06.299 --> 00:28:10.380
And sometimes I think the courts potentially will give an option.

00:28:10.539 --> 00:28:18.380
A lot of times these parents are going into the situation and they don't know who to look for or what to look for, and they're given a name by the court.

00:28:18.700 --> 00:28:19.900
Hey, this is somebody that we've used.

00:28:20.380 --> 00:28:21.500
Yeah, the attorneys know.

00:28:21.660 --> 00:28:21.819
Yeah.

00:28:22.059 --> 00:28:26.700
Which a lot of times those are good referrals because the attorney knows, like, this person is great.

00:28:27.099 --> 00:28:27.500
Yes.

00:28:28.059 --> 00:28:41.339
I feel like this case probably was not because I feel like this specific therapist was unfortunately manipulated by the abusive parent.

00:28:41.579 --> 00:28:46.700
And decisions that have been made since have directly impacted the kids.

00:28:46.859 --> 00:28:56.859
So, what do you do in a situation like that where you can visibly see this is a very negative effect on my children?

00:28:57.019 --> 00:29:01.579
I mean, this got to a very big extreme that I don't, I would I can give you details later.

00:29:01.660 --> 00:29:07.339
I don't want to give them publicly because I think it would be able to be able to narrow it down to who it is.

00:29:07.500 --> 00:29:20.460
But um, what do you do if you're in a situation where it is a court mandate, mandated therapist and you are seeing that this interaction is very, very unhealthy for your children?

00:29:20.619 --> 00:29:24.779
Are there any actions like can you petition for a second opinion?

00:29:25.019 --> 00:29:26.859
Or how does that work?

00:29:27.099 --> 00:29:30.460
Yeah, so I think there's a couple things to think about here.

00:29:30.619 --> 00:29:35.980
I think the first is that you do want to check yourself, right?

00:29:36.140 --> 00:29:49.900
So it's really easy for folks in these cases to be like, well, that psychologist was a quack, or you know, like this person is just clearly unethical because you don't agree with what they said, right?

00:29:50.059 --> 00:29:53.180
So you do want to run it through that filter first, right?

00:29:53.420 --> 00:29:56.779
Is it just like, I don't like this, I don't like what they're saying.

00:29:57.019 --> 00:30:17.660
Um, it doesn't sound like that was the case here, but that is always a good thing to think about and to process with your own therapist, too, of like, am I just getting triggered by my own trauma and my fears around what's going to happen to my kids is is seeping into this.

00:30:17.819 --> 00:30:22.940
And yet there's a subjective person telling me, like, no, there, you know, that isn't happening, right?

00:30:23.099 --> 00:30:23.420
Mm-hmm.

00:30:23.819 --> 00:30:26.299
Um, so that's important to differentiate.

00:30:27.339 --> 00:30:31.819
In a situation like this, I'm gonna this is kind of a half answer.

00:30:32.059 --> 00:30:32.859
And I'm sorry.

00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:35.339
But the truth is I was expecting no answer.

00:30:35.660 --> 00:30:39.259
Yeah, no, the truth is this is a this is an attorney question.

00:30:39.420 --> 00:30:40.859
This is something to ask your attorney.

00:30:41.180 --> 00:30:41.660
That's a good point.

00:30:41.740 --> 00:30:41.980
Yeah.

00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:50.059
To really and you may even just say and have your documentation in line, these are my concerns.

00:30:50.220 --> 00:30:53.099
This is my concern with what the therapist is saying.

00:30:53.339 --> 00:30:55.900
This is where it doesn't match up for me.

00:30:56.380 --> 00:31:07.819
Are there ways we can petition to have an evaluator come in or to have another therapist put on the case that we both agree with?

00:31:08.140 --> 00:31:20.859
I would also say that the way informed consent works is that at least here in Colorado, if a parent, we call it polling consent, but you know, you sign all the forms, you do informed consent.

00:31:21.180 --> 00:31:29.099
If if one parent in a case where I have two parents, if one parent says no, I stop treatment.

00:31:29.740 --> 00:31:29.980
Okay.

00:31:30.220 --> 00:31:31.660
I mean, legally, that's your right.

00:31:31.740 --> 00:31:35.019
That's what informed consent is, as the consenting adult.

00:31:35.099 --> 00:31:41.900
And so if a parent, if it's starting to go, you can always, and you can do this very respectfully.

00:31:42.220 --> 00:31:45.900
This person could just say, like, listen, I have concerns.

00:31:46.140 --> 00:31:53.819
I want to just put a pin in this for a minute, and then on the back end, you're talking to your attorney about your concerns and what you can do.

00:31:54.140 --> 00:31:55.980
You may lose that case, right?

00:31:56.059 --> 00:31:59.819
You may the child may return to that therapist and continue work.

00:32:00.700 --> 00:32:03.420
But that is your right as a parent.

00:32:03.579 --> 00:32:05.740
That's what informed consent is, right?

00:32:05.980 --> 00:32:06.299
Okay.

00:32:06.700 --> 00:32:07.420
Does that make sense?

00:32:07.980 --> 00:32:08.619
It does make sense.

00:32:08.700 --> 00:32:22.380
And actually, it's like very good advice to go to your attorney because the last thing you want to do is start creating these waves, especially if you're in an ongoing, which in this case they they are in an ongoing custody dispute.

00:32:22.619 --> 00:32:28.140
So you don't want to, you don't want to piss off anybody that is potentially making decisions for you.

00:32:28.380 --> 00:32:28.460
Right.

00:32:29.019 --> 00:32:38.700
You also do not, courts do not look kindly on parents in these really litigious high conflict situations standing in the way of therapy.

00:32:39.019 --> 00:32:39.339
Right.

00:32:39.740 --> 00:32:44.940
Because courts are rightfully so worried about how the kid is doing.

00:32:45.180 --> 00:32:47.420
They're like, oh my God, these parents, right?

00:32:47.500 --> 00:32:49.819
Like, how's this poor kid handling it?

00:32:49.900 --> 00:32:51.660
Or they know the kid's struggling.

00:32:51.900 --> 00:32:52.140
Right.

00:32:52.299 --> 00:32:57.819
And so to be the parent that's like, I'm gonna pause therapy, it's not a good look, right?

00:32:58.059 --> 00:33:10.619
It's not a good look unless you really have, you know, you need to have uh good reason for that and definitely be speaking to your attorney before you do that, do something like that.

00:33:10.940 --> 00:33:11.180
Okay.

00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:21.259
But yeah, just because just because a court orders therapy does not mean usually, sometimes it does, but you can have court-mandated therapy.

00:33:21.579 --> 00:33:25.980
In this case, it sounds like the judge was saying, this kid needs therapy, let's get him in something.

00:33:26.220 --> 00:33:29.660
Yeah, you know, yeah, I think that's how it's making that happen.

00:33:29.900 --> 00:33:31.500
Yeah, I think that's how it started.

00:33:31.579 --> 00:33:34.700
And I don't know if they said it has to be this therapist.

00:33:35.099 --> 00:33:35.420
Exactly.

00:33:35.579 --> 00:33:37.339
We don't know that part of the right.

00:33:37.819 --> 00:33:57.980
It is often the case that both parents will submit a couple names and and it's sort of like pick from one of these three, because they're keeping in mind that you know a therapist might be full, the hours might not work, the location might not work, and the likelihood that these parents are gonna agree on one person is low.

00:33:58.299 --> 00:34:01.019
So they usually give a couple options, but you don't know.

00:34:01.259 --> 00:34:01.500
Okay.

00:34:01.900 --> 00:34:04.940
You know, we don't know with this case.

00:34:05.500 --> 00:34:10.779
Um and then, okay, so a less less heavy question.

00:34:11.099 --> 00:34:11.260
Yeah.

00:34:11.579 --> 00:34:25.579
So if you have multiple children, do you recommend if they are to go see a therapist, psychologist, um, do you think they go together or should it be individualized, or do you just cater to the situation and the kids?

00:34:26.059 --> 00:34:27.659
Oh, that's a great question.

00:34:27.819 --> 00:34:32.860
Uh, and like all great psychologists, I will respond with it depends.

00:34:33.500 --> 00:34:35.659
Um the classic response.

00:34:36.780 --> 00:34:39.980
I generally opt for different therapists.

00:34:40.219 --> 00:34:45.340
And I think that is because they're different people, different experiences.

00:34:45.739 --> 00:35:05.900
Sometimes with a sibling set that is really tight or really close, or maybe I have an older child that's really parentified and supporting the younger one, um, or a younger child that wouldn't engage in therapy unless the older sibling was there, then we might get creative.

00:35:06.460 --> 00:35:20.059
Um, but typically a lot of times I like them to see therapists in the same practice, or sometimes even the same therapist, if ethically they can do that, um, because they know the family.

00:35:20.300 --> 00:35:26.219
And so there's less opportunities to be swayed.

00:35:27.420 --> 00:35:27.739
Okay.

00:35:28.059 --> 00:35:28.380
Yeah.

00:35:28.619 --> 00:35:28.940
Okay.

00:35:34.219 --> 00:35:46.539
Is because I was getting a lot of parents calling me asking for therapy for their kids because not always necessarily that they knew you know, kid was showing anxiety or some other big issue.

00:35:46.780 --> 00:35:58.539
Um, but because they were like, we're in a high conflict situation, as much as I hate it, we are, and I can't find anybody to take them, and I can't, and my ex won't agree.

00:35:59.099 --> 00:36:03.260
So how do I help my kid if I can't get them in therapy?

00:36:03.420 --> 00:36:04.139
Yeah, you know?

00:36:04.380 --> 00:36:06.380
And so that's where the coaching piece comes in.

00:36:06.699 --> 00:36:10.860
Is because then I can be like, say this, do this, respond this way, you know.

00:36:11.099 --> 00:36:12.940
Yeah, so let's talk more about your coaching.

00:36:13.179 --> 00:36:14.699
Like how how does it work?

00:36:14.780 --> 00:36:16.219
How do they get in touch with you?

00:36:16.300 --> 00:36:19.099
What happens once they do get in touch with you?

00:36:19.420 --> 00:36:20.380
Yeah, yeah.

00:36:20.619 --> 00:36:25.260
So learn with little house is is a whole thing right now.

00:36:25.579 --> 00:36:29.980
We have a podcast, we have a masterclass people can take anytime.

00:36:30.139 --> 00:36:34.219
And then I also do like special topic masterclasses once a month.

00:36:34.539 --> 00:36:43.500
That typically is how people find me and sort of get a taste of what how I talk and how I swear and what I talk about and that kind of thing.

00:36:43.739 --> 00:36:44.940
You are from Wisconsin after all.

00:36:45.260 --> 00:36:46.059
I sure am, girl.

00:36:46.219 --> 00:36:47.099
I sure am.

00:36:47.340 --> 00:36:51.420
Um, you can't really take it out of me as as much as we try.

00:36:51.739 --> 00:36:54.539
Um, I don't know that I would want that, but still.

00:36:55.019 --> 00:36:57.659
I so they come in that way.

00:36:57.739 --> 00:37:02.460
And then there's a couple ways people can work and learn the skills.

00:37:02.619 --> 00:37:09.659
So we have some some lower price point products where like a high conflict communication boot camp.

00:37:09.900 --> 00:37:14.699
I'm working on like a tech bundle for FaceTime calls and all that business.

00:37:14.860 --> 00:37:16.780
Um, there's a gaslighting class.

00:37:16.860 --> 00:37:20.860
So people can take things like that, which are more like passive.

00:37:20.940 --> 00:37:32.780
You watch the class, you get a workbook, you work through things, and then all the way up to our most our signature program, which is the kids' first co-parenting system.

00:37:33.099 --> 00:37:34.539
That's an intensive.

00:37:34.699 --> 00:37:36.300
So it's six months.

00:37:36.539 --> 00:37:38.699
Moms get it's only for moms.

00:37:39.019 --> 00:37:46.460
You get uh over a hundred lessons that are taught by me on really common topics, right?

00:37:46.860 --> 00:37:53.739
So transitions and not putting kids in the middle and how to talk to them when they come home and say something about you.

00:37:54.139 --> 00:37:58.860
Um, and then there's weekly calls with the moms in the group and myself.

00:37:59.019 --> 00:38:01.099
And so you get that live coaching.

00:38:01.340 --> 00:38:01.659
Okay.

00:38:01.900 --> 00:38:03.260
Um, those are Wednesdays.

00:38:03.340 --> 00:38:06.059
I'll do that later today after we get off the phone.

00:38:06.380 --> 00:38:09.260
And that is what moms love.

00:38:09.500 --> 00:38:16.460
I think the call is like the real sauce of then they can come with a specific, like, this is exactly what's happening.

00:38:16.539 --> 00:38:17.340
What do I do?

00:38:17.579 --> 00:38:18.059
Yeah.

00:38:18.300 --> 00:38:19.820
I mean, that's literally what we do.

00:38:19.980 --> 00:38:22.860
Like, what the CFI asked me this question.

00:38:23.099 --> 00:38:23.739
What do you think?

00:38:23.900 --> 00:38:27.739
You know, we reviewed a CFI report recently.

00:38:27.980 --> 00:38:34.219
We've also talked about like, how do I manage when FaceTime calls are being recorded?

00:38:34.539 --> 00:38:40.219
Or these texts are coming through our family wizard, and like I don't know what to do with it.

00:38:40.380 --> 00:38:47.340
Talking parents, and um, all the way down to like the lovey that won't come back from dad's house.

00:38:47.500 --> 00:38:49.420
And what do we do about that?

00:38:49.659 --> 00:38:54.699
So we talk about kind of everything, anything people need, I guess.

00:38:55.019 --> 00:38:58.460
And a huge age span, too, it sounds like, right?

00:38:58.619 --> 00:38:59.739
Yeah, yeah.

00:38:59.900 --> 00:39:02.300
So my specialty is young children.

00:39:02.460 --> 00:39:05.260
That's what I work with clinically most often.

00:39:05.579 --> 00:39:22.699
I am finding that there's a whole lot of concerns and and problems with young kids post-divorce separation, and then it sort of ramps up again when they get to be teenagers and they start to get very independent and feisty.

00:39:22.940 --> 00:39:35.340
Well, I think at that, it's because well, I don't know exactly why, because, but I think part of it is because you know, they the kids start to get old enough to where they can start recognizing what's going on.

00:39:35.659 --> 00:39:41.980
And they may not say it out loud, but just little comments here and there, you're thinking, oh, he or she gets it.

00:39:42.139 --> 00:39:47.019
Um, but then when they get that teenage, I I have a brand new teenager, he just turned 13.

00:39:47.260 --> 00:39:47.739
They get it.

00:39:48.300 --> 00:39:48.699
They get it.

00:39:48.860 --> 00:39:55.579
Yeah, and and and but then they also have that teenage um, I know everything already.

00:39:56.460 --> 00:40:00.780
So yeah, or I get to know all the adult details.

00:40:00.940 --> 00:40:02.139
And you're like, no, you don't.

00:40:02.219 --> 00:40:02.300
Yeah.

00:40:03.500 --> 00:40:03.659
Yeah.

00:40:03.980 --> 00:40:05.659
Like we still don't get to know.

00:40:05.900 --> 00:40:10.300
He's wanting, he oh gosh, he loves like Halloween and scary stuff.

00:40:10.380 --> 00:40:13.500
So he's already asking, can I download these podcasts?

00:40:13.659 --> 00:40:16.139
And I'm like, no, no, I'm 13.

00:40:17.019 --> 00:40:17.820
I'm 13, I can't.

00:40:17.980 --> 00:40:19.420
I'm like, no, you cannot.

00:40:19.579 --> 00:40:19.980
Yeah.

00:40:20.139 --> 00:40:20.860
Um, but yeah.

00:40:21.179 --> 00:40:22.539
That's literally like tomorrow.

00:40:22.619 --> 00:40:34.059
I'm doing a masterclass on tech device and like tech usage and just how you handle when like then he goes to his your co-parents' house and they say, sure, download it.

00:40:34.219 --> 00:40:34.619
Right.

00:40:34.780 --> 00:40:35.179
Yeah.

00:40:35.340 --> 00:40:35.579
Right.

00:40:35.900 --> 00:40:36.860
Let's watch them together.

00:40:37.019 --> 00:40:38.219
Don't tell your mom.

00:40:39.900 --> 00:40:40.539
I know.

00:40:41.179 --> 00:40:43.579
I mean, this is like, this is my world.

00:40:43.739 --> 00:40:49.099
This is the stuff that I'm but then in this scenario, you knew you would be like, what do I say to that?

00:40:49.260 --> 00:40:50.460
Well, how do I handle that?

00:40:50.699 --> 00:40:51.019
Right.

00:40:51.260 --> 00:40:58.619
I mean, when you're when you're together and it's like, don't tell your mom, or if it's, you know, grandparent, like, don't tell your mom I gave you the all this candy.

00:40:58.780 --> 00:41:04.380
You know, those are harmless situations, but yeah, it's a bit different when you get into the high conflict.

00:41:04.619 --> 00:41:08.539
Um, I had a question and it popped right out of my head.

00:41:08.860 --> 00:41:11.420
Um we're never short on things to talk about.

00:41:11.820 --> 00:41:12.300
No, I know.

00:41:12.539 --> 00:41:19.980
Oh, um, do you have like a schedule of like if people want to look at and say, like, oh, that's a master class I want to take?

00:41:20.300 --> 00:41:22.139
That's a great, that's a good question.

00:41:22.380 --> 00:41:33.900
The the best way to be in touch is I'm very active on Instagram, a little less active, but still active on Facebook, and then my website, learnwithlittlehouse.com.

00:41:33.980 --> 00:41:36.699
I update it all the time with kind of what's coming on.

00:41:37.019 --> 00:41:44.380
And after folks uh enroll or opt into something, then you're on my email list and I send stuff out every week.

00:41:44.539 --> 00:41:46.300
Like this is what's coming up.

00:41:46.619 --> 00:41:50.380
And the other thing is I really love to hear from the community.

00:41:50.619 --> 00:42:01.659
So often my podcast or the classes are directly from the women in my Facebook group or the women in the program are like, we're really struggling with this.

00:42:01.739 --> 00:42:03.019
And I'm like, okay, I'll do that.

00:42:03.099 --> 00:42:05.820
I'll do a masterclass on that, or I'll do an episode on that.

00:42:05.980 --> 00:42:12.059
Um to try to make it as useful as I can for the folks that are using it, you know.

00:42:12.300 --> 00:42:12.619
Right.

00:42:12.860 --> 00:42:14.860
So what are the what are the handles?

00:42:15.019 --> 00:42:17.019
I'll include all those in the show notes too.

00:42:17.099 --> 00:42:19.500
But yeah, it's it's learn with little house.

00:42:19.659 --> 00:42:20.219
That's everything.

00:42:20.300 --> 00:42:27.820
That's the website, all the way across Facebook, YouTube, and then the podcast is called the Kids First Co-Parenting Podcast.

00:42:28.059 --> 00:42:28.380
Okay.

00:42:28.539 --> 00:42:28.860
Yeah.

00:42:29.019 --> 00:42:29.260
Okay.

00:42:29.420 --> 00:42:30.780
And I'll have all those links.

00:42:30.940 --> 00:42:32.380
So um thank you.

00:42:32.619 --> 00:42:33.579
Thanks for sharing those.

00:42:33.739 --> 00:42:34.539
I appreciate it.

00:42:34.860 --> 00:42:38.860
Well, I I appreciate you coming on and sharing all of this wisdom.

00:42:39.179 --> 00:42:41.260
This was such a deep conversation.

00:42:41.500 --> 00:42:41.980
I know.

00:42:42.219 --> 00:42:42.699
Sorry.

00:42:43.019 --> 00:42:43.739
I love it.

00:42:43.980 --> 00:42:45.739
I'm way, I'm like so into it.

00:42:45.900 --> 00:42:49.260
Usually it's like, how do we protect kids through divorce?

00:42:49.340 --> 00:42:50.460
Which is so important.

00:42:50.780 --> 00:42:57.659
But my mom's and I think the people listening to your podcast are it's just it's more intense than that.

00:42:57.900 --> 00:42:58.380
It is.

00:42:58.619 --> 00:43:00.300
It's it's very, very intense.

00:43:00.860 --> 00:43:03.900
Um, do you think is there anything we missed?

00:43:04.460 --> 00:43:05.500
I think we covered a lot.

00:43:05.820 --> 00:43:06.860
You and I could talk for hours.

00:43:07.019 --> 00:43:07.340
I know.

00:43:07.579 --> 00:43:08.059
Truly.

00:43:08.300 --> 00:43:08.699
I know.

00:43:08.860 --> 00:43:09.260
Seriously.

00:43:10.219 --> 00:43:14.860
But so yeah, I think there's probably a lot we miss, but nothing that we need to include right now.

00:43:15.099 --> 00:43:15.420
Okay.

00:43:15.820 --> 00:43:16.139
Okay.

00:43:16.380 --> 00:43:18.059
So so wrapping up.

00:43:18.380 --> 00:43:19.019
Wrapping up.

00:43:19.260 --> 00:43:20.139
Wrapping up.

00:43:20.300 --> 00:43:23.019
Um, I think every voice has strength.

00:43:23.179 --> 00:43:32.300
So is there a specific strength or message that you would love for listeners to like the lasting message for them to be left with?

00:43:32.539 --> 00:43:33.179
Hmm.

00:43:33.659 --> 00:43:34.300
Yeah.

00:43:35.980 --> 00:43:46.699
You know, I really believe that it takes one person, right?

00:43:46.860 --> 00:43:53.659
We know kids who are horribly abused, horribly neglected, really, really awful situations.

00:43:54.059 --> 00:44:02.539
And it takes one person to really see you and value you to build resiliency, right?

00:44:02.860 --> 00:44:06.940
And for them to be okay.

00:44:07.579 --> 00:44:33.260
And so I really want moms in these tough dynamics to know that like, don't underestimate the power you have as your child's mother, but also just as that calm, steady, like attuned person that is saying, you know, I may not be able to change all this crazy around you, but I can look you in the eyes and I can hold you emotionally and physically, right?

00:44:33.579 --> 00:44:34.860
And we're gonna be okay.

00:44:35.019 --> 00:44:36.940
We're gonna figure it out, right?

00:44:37.820 --> 00:44:38.940
I love that.

00:44:39.179 --> 00:44:42.059
I think so many people probably needed to hear that.

00:44:42.380 --> 00:44:42.780
Yes.

00:44:43.019 --> 00:44:45.900
You can just picture me whispering it in your ear all the time.

00:44:46.139 --> 00:44:47.260
Yes, on repeat.

00:44:47.420 --> 00:44:48.380
It's gonna be okay.

00:44:48.539 --> 00:44:49.659
It's gonna be okay.

00:44:49.900 --> 00:44:50.699
Okay, well, Dr.

00:44:50.860 --> 00:44:52.460
Royster, thank you so much.

00:44:52.699 --> 00:44:53.820
Thank you for having me.

00:44:53.980 --> 00:44:54.860
This is delightful.

00:44:55.179 --> 00:44:55.739
It was.

00:44:55.980 --> 00:44:58.219
I'm gonna have you on Kids First very soon.

00:44:58.460 --> 00:45:00.219
Yes, I am excited.

00:45:00.300 --> 00:45:01.179
I will definitely do that.

00:45:01.340 --> 00:45:03.500
Yeah, I'm gonna schedule you like right after this.

00:45:03.739 --> 00:45:04.059
Okay.

00:45:05.980 --> 00:45:06.940
All right, my friend.

00:45:07.019 --> 00:45:07.659
We'll talk soon.

00:45:07.900 --> 00:45:08.940
Okay, yes, absolutely.

00:45:09.179 --> 00:45:10.380
All right, take care.

00:45:11.179 --> 00:45:12.139
Thank you again, Dr.

00:45:12.300 --> 00:45:16.139
Royster, for joining me today, and thank you, Warriors, for listening.

00:45:16.300 --> 00:45:17.739
I've included the links Dr.

00:45:17.820 --> 00:45:22.219
Royster was referring to as well as her one in three profile in the show notes.

00:45:22.460 --> 00:45:25.500
I will be back next week with another episode for you.

00:45:25.739 --> 00:45:27.739
Until then, stay strong.

00:45:27.820 --> 00:45:33.260
And wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone.

00:45:35.659 --> 00:45:42.539
Find more information, register as a guest, or leave a review by going to the website one in threepodcast.com.

00:45:42.699 --> 00:45:47.099
That's the number one the number three podcast.com.

00:45:47.260 --> 00:45:51.980
Follow one in three on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at one and three podcast.

00:45:52.300 --> 00:45:56.300
To help me out, please remember to rate review and subscribe.

00:45:56.539 --> 00:45:59.260
One in three is a.5 Panoi production.

00:45:59.579 --> 00:46:02.380
Music written and performed by Tim Crow.
Dr. Karalynn Royster Profile Photo
Dr. Karalynn Royster

Psychologist & Co-Parenting Expert (Learn with Little House)

Dr. Royster is a Co-Parenting Expert, Child Psychologist and a mom. She lives and parents in Colorado, and is passionate about helping moms navigate the challenges of divorce and co-parenting. With years of professional experience as an Child Psychologist and a deep understanding of motherhood, she specializes in guiding moms through high-conflict situations while keeping their children’s emotional the focus.

Dr. Royster's signature program, the Kids First Co-Parenting System, provides a high level of support for smart, high-achieving moms who are juggling the very hard job of parenting young children while managing a difficult ex. Her approach helps moms move from feeling anxious to empowered and clear about how to support their kids.