Jan. 21, 2026

104-The Badge Doesn’t Make You Immune: Coercive Control & Trafficking with Mia Shagena

One in three women will experience domestic violence. But what happens when the survivor wears a badge?

In this episode of 1 in 3, Ingrid speaks with Mia, a law enforcement officer who entered policing at 21 and was groomed, isolated, and assaulted by a senior officer who framed abuse as “consent” and control as “lifestyle.” Her story exposes how coercive control works behind closed doors and inside institutions meant to protect.

We break down the dangerous overlap between domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking, and why survivors are so often failed when systems treat these crimes as separate issues. Mia explains how compliance is rewarded, resistance is punished, and identity is slowly erased until survival is mistaken for choice.

This conversation explores:

Coercive control and grooming in intimate partner violence
Why “she could have left” is a myth rooted in misunderstanding trauma
How trafficking doesn’t always involve money—status, access, and dominance are “things of value”
Evidence beyond DNA: strangulation markers, threats to career, financial abuse, digital trails, and witness grooming
Probable cause vs. proof beyond a reasonable doubt and why totality of circumstances matters

Mia also introduces the Valkyrie Warrior Movement, a training initiative focused on trauma-informed investigations, lethality assessments, and survivor-centered practices for law enforcement, healthcare providers, and allied professionals.

For survivors inside and outside the system, this episode delivers a powerful reminder: shame belongs to abusers, not survivors—and help is worth pursuing until you find it.

If this episode resonates, please subscribe, share, and leave a review. Your voice helps others find safety—and accountability.

Mia’s Links:

https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/mia-shagena/

https://www.valkyriemovement.org/

https://www.instagram.com/valkyriewarriormovement/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mia-shagena-116ab4233/

1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.

Support the show

If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.

Contact 1 in 3:

Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/

Thank you for listening!

Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe

00:00 - Welcome And Mia’s Background

02:43 - Cop And Survivor: Dual Perspective

07:03 - Changing Law Enforcement’s Mindset

11:03 - Breaking Stereotypes Of Trafficking

18:13 - Consent, Coercion, And Control

24:43 - Reporting And Systemic Barriers

30:43 - How Predators Groom Professionals

36:33 - Leaving, Deprogramming, And Recovery

43:23 - The Button-Up Shirt Analogy

50:03 - The Valkyrie Warrior Movement

55:33 - Training, Threat, And Lethality Assessments

01:00:53 - Culture Shift And Accountability

01:05:38 - Calls For Collaboration And Courage

01:08:53 - How To Connect And Final Message

WEBVTT

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Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.

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I'm your host, Ingrid.

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I've said this before and I'll say it again and again.

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Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence.

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Level of education, profession, and uniforms do not offer protection.

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Today, Mia courageously joins me to share her experience as a law enforcement officer who survived domestic violence and intimate partner trafficking.

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Here's Mia.

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Hi, Mia.

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This has been a while in planning, but I'm glad that you have finally made it and welcome to One in Three.

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Thank you.

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Thanks for having me.

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I appreciate it.

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I'm glad we were able to schedule it and get it together.

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Yes.

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And uh just a little background on the two of us.

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We met doing the domestic violence rally back in October.

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Uh between Did you do you know Cynthia?

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Is that how you or was it um?

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I actually know Jennifer Garcia.

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Okay, that's what I thought.

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I was going to say, I think it was Jennifer.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So uh if if listeners, if you haven't checked that out, I think it's still available, right?

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On Facebook somewhere or something.

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You know what?

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I actually don't know, but I did post a little clip on my stuff too.

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Um but I I don't know if it's still available.

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I tried to look at the website and I couldn't find it.

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So Okay.

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I'll try to I'll try to find it and see if um if if we can get that back up in case anyone wants to take a look at it.

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It was a long, a long, long, long and I was the very last.

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Oh my gosh, you hung in there so well though.

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It was for like four hours.

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I was the very last person.

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It was crazy.

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It was crazy.

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But it's so much good information.

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It was.

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It was really important too.

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So I was like, I was good with it.

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It was really interesting listening to everybody.

00:02:12.540 --> 00:02:13.420
Yes, I agree.

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I and yeah, so many good topics.

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Men, parental alienation, women, trafficking, um, all sorts of things.

00:02:21.579 --> 00:02:24.379
So uh okay, so that was our little connection.

00:02:24.540 --> 00:02:32.860
But could you just give a little personal background, professional background, whatever, just a little bit of information on yourself so listeners can get to know you a bit?

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Yeah.

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Um, so I I've been in law enforcement for a really long time.

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Um, I started in 2008, and I so I'd like to say that I have 17 years, um, which is crazy to say.

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I took a little bit of a break though.

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So I don't, I don't technically have 17 years.

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Um, but it feels like it feels like 25.

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Um and I have worked in patrol and I worked, um, I actually did some undercover operations and things like that too.

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Um, and now I'm an investigator, a detective.

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Um, so that's fun.

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And I also investigate like sex crimes, domestic violence, trafficking, all the things.

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It's busy and hard and a lot, but I love it because people are my jam.

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I I love human behavior and I love, you know, helping people, and I feel like I can really make a difference in somebody's life, like in real time, which is probably what kept me in law enforcement.

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But the crazy part about me is that I have lived experience with being in a domestic violence, um, intimate partner trafficking relationship, which while I was a cop, so usually that doesn't happen.

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And I was very, very young.

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I was a brand new cop.

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Uh, he was older, lots older than me, and he was a senior cop.

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So we had that kind of dynamic.

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Um, but it's an interesting perspective because I have the perspective of being a survivor and law enforcement.

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So I understand what both sides are going through.

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Yeah, and you understand what it is like as a victim survivor trying to navigate the the whole legal system with and then and then challenges that you can face even as a law enforcement.

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Yeah, and it's um it's really interesting because I I think for a big chunk of my career, um, you know, I always did my best and I always cared about people and I was always very compassionate to people.

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But I think so it wasn't for a really long time that I actually realized that I was a victim, um, which is interesting, and we can talk about that too.

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But um I think that once I tried to call on the system the way I had been working in it, so I tried to report it.

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Um, yeah, I mean, the way I was treated was insane.

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So not in a good way, um, which was really, really crazy.

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And so it I think it really helped me as a cop because I was like, wait a minute, like we should we cannot be treating people like this.

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You know, this is something that affects somebody's entire life, their family, um, their future, um, you know, just the way they move in life, the way they have relationships.

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And sometimes law enforcement is somebody's first contact when they when somebody realizes that they've been a victim, or um, you know, right after an incident happens, and then we're treating them like they're liars, like we don't believe them that, oh, this couldn't have happened this way or whatever.

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And it's I mean, it just compounds the trauma.

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So a big part of what I'm trying to do now, um, I'm still in law enforcement, and everything that I'm doing now is just me.

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Um, it has nothing to do with my agency or anything like that.

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Um, it's just me, but I I'm teaching also and training and teaching and speaking, um, doing consulting and things like that too.

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Um, I started the Valkyrie Warrior movement, um, and I decided to start that because Valkyrie Warriors were female warriors that they actually chose who um who was held in a in a really positive regard in I don't I don't know if it was a heaven or hell situation, but um, you know, they chose the warriors that they were gonna take with them.

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And what I felt about it was that we can choose to be warriors for ourselves and that we can fight for ourselves, and we are warriors.

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I mean, survivors are I mean, it's a crazy thing to go through.

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And so I started that.

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Um, and I am doing mostly training with law enforcement because I I really do believe in changing the narrative on how law enforcement sees victims and survivors, especially in trafficking, but also in domestic violence.

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I mean, we have come a long way in domestic violence, but we have a long way to go still.

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Um, trafficking, I think we have a long way to go.

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I think we're starting to talk about it, but there's a lot of people that tell me in law enforcement they don't really understand it that well.

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And so I'm I'm really trying to change the narrative because back in the old days, when I first started, um, you know, it was looked at as, well, it was prostitution, and prostitution was a crime and all of these things.

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And, you know, what we've come to find out is really someone is forcing someone to do these things.

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And so it changes the perspective on trafficking.

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Um, and so I'm really trying to help change that narrative within law enforcement and also um, you know, this just the system, DA's offices, the medical field, um, even community organizations.

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You know, there's community organizations out there that they're really helping people and they're really trying to help people, but they really do need a good grasp of understanding of what survivors are going through, but also the side of law enforcement, that what they need to help us and what we need to help them.

00:08:41.339 --> 00:08:43.259
So it's kind of like bridging that gap.

00:08:43.579 --> 00:08:47.019
Yeah, it's a whole network that needs to work together.

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That doesn't always necessarily work together and there's no communication back and forth.

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I'm a nurse practitioner, so I know the healthcare portion of it.

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And it's it's very difficult to not already have some sort of a stereotype in your mind when somebody comes in to the hospital, your clinic, or wherever.

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And without any actual interaction with domestic violence or trafficking, you will put those stereotypes out there.

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You're you're trying not to.

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Everyone's supposed to be treated equally, but you don't understand it.

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And it's it's really hard to grasp.

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I mean, I think I think it's a no fault to s your own or anybody, but it law enforcement does the same thing.

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Um and I think it's no fault to anybody.

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I think it's sensationalized on TV.

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I think we have a specific idea of who people are and what people have gone through to get to that point or something like that.

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When really, I mean, I kind of break all those stereotypes.

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Um, you know, I didn't come from a deep poverty background.

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I didn't come from um, you know, a background where I was being molested as a child by family members and things like that.

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I didn't come from a background where I was running away and um my parents weren't doing drugs.

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And, you know, I didn't come from that stereotypical what people think that that's you know how somebody ends up in trafficking.

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Um I came from a regular middle class family and um I became a cop, you know, so that's not the stereotype either.

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And I think that it's very easy to be involved in these kinds of relationships because, you know, I mean, I'm a parent, and I think that just trying to raise your kids, it's difficult because we try not to screw them up, right?

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But things happen in growing up that your parents might not even have tried to do that may have made you feel like you were craving love or acceptance, or you know, you wanted to prove yourself to someone more than your parents probably intended you to feel.

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And sometimes those vulnerabilities and those um weaknesses can translate into an adult world and cause you to seek that out in people.

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And I personally think that there's predators, there's just predators out there.

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And I think that they pick on it, pick up on it so easily.

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Yeah, I also think and along those lines is they will pick up on individuals who want to make things work.

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That, for instance, like family is really, really important to them.

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So they know that that person's not just going to give up.

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You know, they're gonna say, I need to keep trying.

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We need to make this work.

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Yeah, that was me.

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Um, and I also had very good family morals and values where you don't, you know, I we I didn't grow up being taught you should be flaky in relationships.

00:12:00.860 --> 00:12:09.659
Um, if somebody doesn't do something that it does something that you don't like, like not picking up their clothes or they're not, you know, whatever, you need to work it out.

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You know, that was a big thing was work it out, figure out how to work it out.

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Well, I do believe in that, but I also believe that if you're being hurt in the process, we don't need to be working it out.

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Um, and I learned that the hard way, but that was the way I was brought up.

00:12:25.740 --> 00:12:39.500
Um and I also think that predators look for people who are strong and they look for people who are charismatic and they have a lot of friends and they're lights to be around.

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You know, they're they have this internal light that these people, these predator people, don't have.

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And so they go, hey, I I want some of that.

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And they it and I think it's also a challenge to crush those people down.

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And I think that they feel some sort of I'm I feel better about myself now that I was able to crush that person down, look at me, see how much better I am than they are.

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Yes, yeah.

00:13:06.139 --> 00:13:10.059
It's they want initially, they want the person who's going to make them look good.

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But then if that person starts looking too good, then it's it's a competition.

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I actually would say this to my abuser, I'm like, what are you doing?

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We're supposed to be a team, you're acting like this is a competition.

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And he would say, This is a competition.

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I mean, he would just blatantly say it, it is a competition.

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And it's it's disgusting behavior, but it's I think that considering the two of us, you and law enforcement, me and the the medical profession, to become victims of uh well, you domestic violence and trafficking, but me, domestic violence, it just goes to show that there's nobody that is exempt from potentially being a victim.

00:13:51.580 --> 00:13:51.980
Yeah.

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And you know, it's it's still for me, it is still sometimes difficult, even hearing like being a victim of trafficking is really challenging for me because for a really long time I didn't see it that way.

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Um, and I blamed myself for a really long time.

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And I didn't even realize that was what was happening to me.

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Um, and also there is a deep shame around those things, especially being in law enforcement.

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You know, I should have known better, I'm smarter than that.

00:14:25.179 --> 00:14:31.179
Um, you're a cop, how do you, you know, you go out and arrest these people, how can you be a victim in it?

00:14:31.259 --> 00:14:32.779
You know, there's a lot of that.

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So that's also a message that I I love to put out there is that we just cannot beat ourselves up.

00:14:41.019 --> 00:14:45.259
And the public needs to not beat us up because we're beating ourselves up enough.

00:14:45.580 --> 00:14:53.179
Um and also like I was a victim in something, but I'm not a victim.

00:14:53.340 --> 00:14:54.620
You know, I'm not a victim.

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I'm a survivor of it.

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Um and in law enforcement we talk, and I know, you know, in if you work with victims in the medical field, we talk in victim, suspect, defender, witness, reporting party, all of those terms.

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But, you know, I don't feel like I was vi I feel like I was victimized, but I don't feel like I'm a victim in this, which means to me I want people to feel sorry for me.

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I want my life to be treated differently because something like that happened to me.

00:15:26.620 --> 00:15:29.419
Um no, I survived it.

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I, which is more, which I think is better than what they ever intended for me.

00:15:37.259 --> 00:15:43.179
Um, because I think that the purpose was to keep me down and to keep me torn down.

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And I I feel like resilience is the best revenge.

00:15:48.059 --> 00:15:51.580
Um, but it's it's still challenging.

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Uh, you know, talking about being a victim of trafficking is crazy to me.

00:15:57.419 --> 00:16:13.340
And I think part of that stigma needs to go away if we really are going to listen to people that have gone through things like this, because, you know, automatically people go, oh, how did you end up in that kind of dirty situation?

00:16:13.580 --> 00:16:17.019
Well, you know, it that's not always how it happens.

00:16:17.179 --> 00:16:24.139
Um, and we shouldn't be shaming victims and survivors because they're they're shaming themselves enough.

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We don't need to do it for them.

00:16:26.460 --> 00:16:32.139
And also, like, it's the same thing as shaming domestic violence victims.

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I mean, you trusted someone, you loved someone, um, you wanted to make it work, you were loyal to them, you cared about them and really deeply felt something for somebody.

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Like, all of those things are really good things.

00:16:47.820 --> 00:16:49.659
All of those things are positive.

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They're not something, some dirty bad thing that you did.

00:16:54.299 --> 00:17:01.179
I mean, this is these are all things that are, I think are should be held in a high regard in a relationship.

00:17:01.580 --> 00:17:07.980
Um and when someone has that stigma of, oh, how did you, how did you end up like that?

00:17:08.139 --> 00:17:10.940
It's like, you know, maybe you should be picking better men.

00:17:11.019 --> 00:17:12.619
Like I hear that a lot.

00:17:12.860 --> 00:17:15.259
Um, maybe you should be picking better men.

00:17:15.579 --> 00:17:21.259
What I feel really should be said is maybe those men shouldn't have treated you that way.

00:17:21.500 --> 00:17:35.579
You know, maybe they shouldn't have hurt you and abused you and took advantage of you because you have really great values and someone shouldn't have exploited that.

00:17:35.980 --> 00:17:41.019
Yeah, I think it's for society, I think it's so much easier to blame the victim.

00:17:41.339 --> 00:18:07.099
Because if you're going to blame the perpetrator or the abuser, then you have to come to terms with understanding that there are people out there that are so inherently evil that they're going to pose as this person who can be trusted and loved by this under other individual and then just flip around and hurt them worse than any other, than their enemy would.

00:18:07.339 --> 00:18:10.619
And it is, I think it is just easier to blame the victim.

00:18:10.779 --> 00:18:13.740
You're right, we shouldn't be blamed at all.

00:18:14.140 --> 00:18:18.220
But uh I mean, unfortunately, that is that is the case.

00:18:18.539 --> 00:18:19.900
You know, it's really interesting though.

00:18:19.980 --> 00:18:29.099
That's a that's a really interesting talking point because I in my world, in law enforcement, we know.

00:18:29.819 --> 00:18:31.579
Like we know there are those people.

00:18:32.059 --> 00:18:42.059
We come across people like that every day who take advantage of people, who exploit people, who you know, some people I believe are just evil people.

00:18:42.619 --> 00:18:44.380
They just do evil things to people.

00:18:44.859 --> 00:18:45.819
So we know.

00:18:46.059 --> 00:18:57.819
And I mean, the whole you should just pick better men, I've heard from men in my field who know that there's people out there that treat people like that.

00:18:57.900 --> 00:19:00.220
So it's it's it's wild.

00:19:00.380 --> 00:19:01.339
I mean, I agree with you.

00:19:01.420 --> 00:19:04.539
I agree that society does that usually.

00:19:04.859 --> 00:19:09.819
Um, and it's kind of like the the boogie monster that you don't want to acknowledge.

00:19:10.460 --> 00:19:16.859
But it's really interesting though, because in my field, like really they should know better.

00:19:17.180 --> 00:19:18.380
You're absolutely right.

00:19:18.539 --> 00:19:29.099
I guess I never really thought of it from a law enforcement perspective because I think as somebody not in law enforcement, you want to make an excuse of somebody's behavior.

00:19:29.259 --> 00:19:30.940
So somebody robs a bank.

00:19:31.099 --> 00:19:45.579
Well, they were, you know, they had really hard times, the economy's bad, they had a family to feed, or they somehow got, you know, hooked on whatever kind of drugs, and that's you know, they're at their wit's end trying to feed this habit.

00:19:45.900 --> 00:19:53.339
And you want to make an excuse for the bad things that happen as a non-law enforcement person.

00:19:53.500 --> 00:19:53.819
Yeah.

00:19:54.220 --> 00:19:55.900
And but yeah, you're right.

00:19:56.059 --> 00:20:02.940
From from your perspective and and your colleagues, it's something that they should understand more.

00:20:03.180 --> 00:20:03.500
Yeah.

00:20:04.140 --> 00:20:18.380
I think too the longer that you that someone does my job, um, I think that you can get wrapped up into the, you know, people need to take responsibility for their own actions, right?

00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:23.259
Um and I get that to some degree.

00:20:24.700 --> 00:20:26.779
But I just don't think it's that simple.

00:20:27.579 --> 00:20:36.460
You know, I think that because trafficking, domestic violence, sex assault, they're very intertwined.

00:20:36.940 --> 00:20:40.059
It all it all has to do with coercive control.

00:20:40.460 --> 00:20:40.859
Right.

00:20:41.019 --> 00:20:44.779
I mean it's not that much different from each other.

00:20:44.859 --> 00:20:53.819
And a lot of times domestic violence, sex assaults play into trafficking, trafficking plays into domestic violence, trafficking can play into sex.

00:20:54.380 --> 00:20:57.579
I mean, you know, it it's all kind of intertwined.

00:20:59.579 --> 00:21:12.059
So I just feel like it's really interesting when people I think that people want people to take responsibility for themselves.

00:21:12.299 --> 00:21:28.700
Um but I think just in some circumstances, there's things that happen that the script gets flipped onto someone where it's like, well, you are the problem.

00:21:29.980 --> 00:21:34.619
And so I think a victim really is trying a lot of times.

00:21:34.779 --> 00:21:48.700
I know I did this, I did try to take responsibility for myself in those relationships because I if I was the problem, then I needed to prove myself to make it better.

00:21:49.019 --> 00:21:54.299
And that was my downfall because that's how I got stuck in those relationships.

00:21:54.460 --> 00:22:00.059
I constantly tried to prove that I wasn't the person that they were telling me that I was.

00:22:01.660 --> 00:22:08.940
And have you have you watched the like the documentary on PDAD?

00:22:09.660 --> 00:22:09.980
No.

00:22:10.460 --> 00:22:13.980
So it's really interesting, and I think that that's a really good documentary.

00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:31.019
Um it it's it's interesting from the point of trafficking and domestic violence um and sex assault, and the point of view that surv that society has on all of those things.

00:22:31.339 --> 00:22:33.420
Um what is that on?

00:22:33.900 --> 00:22:35.259
Um where can you find it?

00:22:35.500 --> 00:22:38.859
Oh my gosh, I think it's on Netflix, the new one, it's The Reckoning.

00:22:39.180 --> 00:22:39.420
Okay.

00:22:39.579 --> 00:22:43.019
Um, I thought that was I watched both, but I think that one's a really good one.

00:22:43.819 --> 00:22:53.339
Um it it's really interesting because he didn't get uh convicted of trafficking.

00:22:54.059 --> 00:22:58.220
And you watch this and you're like, how can how is this not trafficking?

00:22:59.099 --> 00:23:07.579
And even the jurors talk on there about, well, if it was that bad, she could have just left.

00:23:07.819 --> 00:23:10.859
She chose it to some degree, right?

00:23:11.180 --> 00:23:23.740
And I think that that is a point that we have to start having conversations around, is that society and professionals and you know, all the people want people to take responsibility for their own actions.

00:23:23.900 --> 00:23:24.859
Like she stayed.

00:23:24.940 --> 00:23:28.059
She she she said she wanted it at some point.

00:23:28.140 --> 00:23:29.259
And I it's really interesting.

00:23:29.339 --> 00:23:39.660
I was watching it and I was like, well, you know, her saying she wanted these things, wasn't that just like her surviving?

00:23:40.299 --> 00:23:40.940
Yes.

00:23:41.180 --> 00:23:46.059
Yes, you know, you get to the point where, and again, it's it's coercion, right?

00:23:46.380 --> 00:23:47.500
So you keep saying no.

00:23:48.299 --> 00:23:49.819
Yes, she was being beat up.

00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:50.299
Exactly.

00:23:50.460 --> 00:23:53.099
You say no, you get hit, no, hit, no, hit.

00:23:53.180 --> 00:23:58.059
Eventually, you want to stop getting hit and you learn to condition yourself.

00:23:58.299 --> 00:24:00.460
If I say yes, this stops.

00:24:00.779 --> 00:24:03.980
And if I believe that this is actually what I actually want.

00:24:04.220 --> 00:24:10.220
Or if I if I try to convince myself that this is, I guess I'm just this person now, you know.

00:24:10.619 --> 00:24:16.140
Um I think that it plays into that.

00:24:16.220 --> 00:24:18.380
I'm gonna prove to you these things.

00:24:18.619 --> 00:24:24.700
Um, I think it plays into the I I I have to survive.

00:24:24.859 --> 00:24:31.500
Like, I don't want to continue to get hit or strangled or whatever else.

00:24:31.740 --> 00:24:40.299
Um but it was it was a really interesting documentary because it it taught it shows a lot about what society's view is.

00:24:40.539 --> 00:24:48.299
And it I think it's it stirs questions within yourself of like, how do I really feel about all of this?

00:24:48.619 --> 00:24:54.539
Um can you consent if you're being hit all the time?

00:24:55.019 --> 00:25:05.019
Can you, you know, if if no one was really so my question was always, well, if nobody's paying him, right?

00:25:05.180 --> 00:25:08.299
Because that's the that's what we think about trafficking, right?

00:25:08.380 --> 00:25:13.500
It's it's straight up just exchange for money for commercial sex, okay?

00:25:13.740 --> 00:25:19.980
And I've done a lot of research into this because I don't think that that's always how it works, right?

00:25:20.059 --> 00:25:21.819
It can be anything of value.

00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:30.940
Can his satisfaction of dominance and watching someone sexually assault her be a thing of value?

00:25:31.180 --> 00:25:59.339
Doesn't say monetary value, but him having the control of providing her to people for status, for people continuing to come to him for things, um for his own fantasy, pleasure, whatever, um, that dominance over that complete control dominance over that person, can't that be a thing of value?

00:25:59.819 --> 00:26:00.140
Yeah.

00:26:00.299 --> 00:26:01.660
I mean, it can be, right?

00:26:02.059 --> 00:26:12.059
You look at any other crime and you can see where their instant gratification is is the the prize, I suppose.

00:26:12.460 --> 00:26:27.579
Yeah, I think that in law enforcement, I think that we need to have conversations with our district attorneys and we need to have we need to really look into the law and see, you know, what, especially in the courts, right?

00:26:27.660 --> 00:26:31.579
We need to see what the court deems a thing of value.

00:26:31.900 --> 00:26:45.099
Because I don't know if some judges or DAs will see, you know, the control and domination um a thing of value, but I I sure think it is.

00:26:45.339 --> 00:26:50.940
Um, especially when you're being, especially if that's what your life is.

00:26:51.180 --> 00:26:54.220
You know, that's I mean, that was what my life was.

00:26:54.539 --> 00:26:56.859
He was very violent to me.

00:26:57.180 --> 00:27:13.099
Um and he pretty much, I mean, I I said to him before, you know, you're just like the people that I arrest, and I'm just like the people that we are out there trying to help, and this is what you're doing.

00:27:13.180 --> 00:27:16.779
And he was like, Yeah, either deal with it or shut up.

00:27:17.420 --> 00:27:19.099
Um, or say something about it.

00:27:19.180 --> 00:27:22.299
But it was always, if you say something about it, then I'm gonna take you down with me.

00:27:22.460 --> 00:27:31.900
I'm also gonna get you fired because if you're involved in anything like this, then you know, you I'm and and it wasn't even the trafficking thing, it was the it was domestic violence.

00:27:32.059 --> 00:27:33.420
I was a I was a baby cop.

00:27:33.500 --> 00:27:35.900
I I know better now, but I didn't know then.

00:27:36.299 --> 00:27:45.660
I thought if you were involved in domestic violence in any aspect, whether you were a victim or around it, I mean, any of it, that you were going to lose your job.

00:27:45.819 --> 00:27:51.819
And to me, I I had moved across the country, I had left my family, I was alone.

00:27:52.140 --> 00:27:53.980
Um, it was my career.

00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:55.900
It was like the rest of my life career.

00:27:55.980 --> 00:27:58.700
I had worked so hard in the academy.

00:27:58.779 --> 00:28:03.500
I had busted my butt in the academy and got through it and, you know, was really proud of myself.

00:28:03.579 --> 00:28:09.740
And then here he was saying, you know, if you report me, then I'm going to, I'm, I'm taking you down with me.

00:28:09.980 --> 00:28:14.539
And I was terrified, you know, and that's part of the the coercion and control.

00:28:15.180 --> 00:28:32.299
And then it was, you know, if I didn't want to sleep with someone else, or and he would, he would groom the people around us too, because he would um make people believe that we were living a certain lifestyle.

00:28:32.619 --> 00:28:35.500
And I didn't want to live that lifestyle.

00:28:35.740 --> 00:28:37.980
And we fought about it all the time.

00:28:38.140 --> 00:28:42.859
Um, and anytime I told him I didn't want to, he would hit me and hurt me.

00:28:42.940 --> 00:28:47.019
And anytime that we would, we would get in a fight, he would strangle me.

00:28:47.339 --> 00:28:55.579
And I I mean, I didn't even know then that because we didn't talk in law enforcement, we didn't talk about strangulation then the way we do now.

00:28:55.819 --> 00:28:57.819
Um, but I I could have died.

00:28:57.900 --> 00:29:00.460
I, you know, I was close to death at times.

00:29:00.619 --> 00:29:03.740
Like I didn't, I didn't even realize it.

00:29:04.220 --> 00:29:10.779
And so when we fought about me not wanting to sleep with other people or be with other people, he would do those things.

00:29:11.019 --> 00:29:14.380
And then could I really consent?

00:29:14.859 --> 00:29:17.660
Like, could I really consent in that situation?

00:29:18.059 --> 00:29:30.619
And what was interesting is when I tried to report it to law enforcement, they were like, Yeah, but the domestic violence, the the assaults, the even the sex assaults, they're past the statute of limitations.

00:29:30.700 --> 00:29:36.059
And and I was like, Yeah, they are, you're right, but that goes into the other stuff.

00:29:36.220 --> 00:29:48.619
Like you have to take that into the, we love the words, totality of the circumstances and law enforcement, you have to take that into the totality of the situation and go like that is what's playing into this other stuff.

00:29:48.859 --> 00:29:55.259
You know, how can you consent when you're being beat up and strangled and almost killed all the time?

00:29:55.420 --> 00:30:09.339
How can you consent to sleeping with other people for his gratification or you know, sex at all or a relationship with this person if you're being beat up all the time?

00:30:09.420 --> 00:30:13.900
I mean, how do you that's you can't, that's not consensual anymore.

00:30:14.059 --> 00:30:18.619
And then the the life he wanted to live was I'm going to dominate you.

00:30:18.779 --> 00:30:20.700
You're gonna be submissive to me.

00:30:20.940 --> 00:30:26.940
And so, like, to me, even that type of, and listen, BDSM, people live that life.

00:30:27.099 --> 00:30:30.779
I have no judgments, but that's all consensual, right?

00:30:31.259 --> 00:30:38.779
Swinging, BDSM, all of those things, they're all can when people do those things because they want to, it's because they want to.

00:30:38.859 --> 00:30:39.900
It's consensual.

00:30:40.059 --> 00:30:45.099
You you shouldn't have to get blacked out drunk every time you do something like that.

00:30:45.259 --> 00:30:51.980
You shouldn't have to um feel scared or be worried if you're going to die if you say no.

00:30:52.140 --> 00:30:54.140
I mean, that's not consensual anymore.

00:30:54.299 --> 00:31:02.140
So that type of lifestyle, can that be consensual if someone's beating you up all the time if you say no?

00:31:02.299 --> 00:31:08.859
I mean, you know, and those are the types of things that like as professionals we need to look at.

00:31:09.180 --> 00:31:20.059
Because I think the con the thought process around it is like people can be swingers, people can live BDSM lifestyles.

00:31:20.299 --> 00:31:24.059
Like that's not illegal, you know, and it's not.

00:31:24.619 --> 00:31:26.059
And if people want to do that, great.

00:31:27.259 --> 00:31:31.980
But not when it's there's force, fraud, a coercion in there.

00:31:32.220 --> 00:31:33.259
That's what makes it a crime.

00:31:33.579 --> 00:31:33.819
Yeah.

00:31:33.980 --> 00:31:41.019
So is that the the lifestyle that he was trying to say tell the other people who got involved that they were okay?

00:31:41.500 --> 00:31:51.819
Yeah, and that he and at so at some point I was like, I guess this is just what it is.

00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:56.059
Like I didn't, it's funny.

00:31:57.259 --> 00:32:01.660
When I first became a cop, I was I I thought I was not naive.

00:32:02.700 --> 00:32:03.980
I was 21 years old.

00:32:04.220 --> 00:32:07.099
I was like, oh no, I know, I'm a grown-up, you know.

00:32:07.259 --> 00:32:09.660
But now I'm like, I was pretty naive.

00:32:09.740 --> 00:32:12.619
I didn't even know what swinger swinging was.

00:32:12.779 --> 00:32:14.140
I didn't even know what that was.

00:32:15.019 --> 00:32:16.859
You know, I I didn't live in a big city.

00:32:16.940 --> 00:32:17.980
I was from a small town.

00:32:18.140 --> 00:32:20.299
I was like, I didn't even know what that was.

00:32:21.819 --> 00:32:26.539
You know, so he he tried to make it this thing.

00:32:27.660 --> 00:32:32.460
Um, and he groomed everybody around us to think that this was what it was.

00:32:32.940 --> 00:32:35.180
And it wasn't.

00:32:35.500 --> 00:32:36.859
It was a crime.

00:32:37.500 --> 00:32:48.779
Did anyone you encountered during that time frame, did anyone ever try to, did they ever notice that you were not happy or there was something wrong?

00:32:48.940 --> 00:32:51.259
Did anyone try to intervene to help?

00:32:52.059 --> 00:32:59.099
Um no, but I people at work noticed.

00:32:59.339 --> 00:33:10.700
So when I first um would go to work, I was I was like that baby rookie cop who was so excited to be at work, so smiley.

00:33:10.859 --> 00:33:16.859
I would I'd go to work at like an hour early to get my car ready and like get everything ready for work.

00:33:17.099 --> 00:33:20.380
And I loved going to work.

00:33:20.700 --> 00:33:25.500
Um and people would even say to me, like, why are you smiling so much?

00:33:25.900 --> 00:33:27.579
And I'm just like, I loved it.

00:33:27.819 --> 00:33:29.420
I'm so excited to be here.

00:33:29.980 --> 00:33:40.700
And then probably a couple years into it, um people would just be like, You're you just look so tired.

00:33:41.500 --> 00:33:45.900
You just look so tired, and you're just like not smiley anymore.

00:33:46.059 --> 00:33:48.299
And no one ever like talked to me about it.

00:33:48.380 --> 00:34:06.220
And and I I think I go back and forth because a lot of times I'm like, well, maybe if somebody would have said something or intervened or whatever, but I don't even know if I was so like loyal that I don't even know if I would have even taken the help.

00:34:06.460 --> 00:34:20.779
I think that it would have taken him getting arrested, um or me getting killed to probably or me probably going to the hospital.

00:34:21.579 --> 00:34:27.659
Um to like I knew it was I knew it was wrong though.

00:34:27.980 --> 00:34:29.180
Like I knew it was.

00:34:29.739 --> 00:34:37.820
I think I was just so at some point I was so far in that I was like, I guess this is just what it is now.

00:34:37.980 --> 00:34:41.019
Like I I I don't even care anymore.

00:34:41.179 --> 00:34:46.860
Um, which is a really sad place for people to be, especially like knowing me now.

00:34:47.019 --> 00:34:52.300
Sometimes I look back and I'm like, I don't even, I don't even know how I could have turned into that person.

00:34:53.019 --> 00:34:56.780
Um but it's slow, and you know how it is.

00:34:56.940 --> 00:35:00.300
It's not like, hey, we go on our first date and I'm just gonna slap you in the face.

00:35:00.460 --> 00:35:03.500
Like everybody'd be like, uh, peace out, you crazy psycho.

00:35:03.579 --> 00:35:04.860
I'm gonna go call the cops now.

00:35:05.019 --> 00:35:05.420
That's right.

00:35:05.579 --> 00:35:08.460
You know, and people are always like, Well, why didn't you just leave?

00:35:08.619 --> 00:35:10.139
And why didn't you just call the cops?

00:35:10.219 --> 00:35:12.539
And and by the way, cops were called.

00:35:12.619 --> 00:35:16.380
Um, but you know, why didn't you just leave and why didn't you just call the cops?

00:35:16.460 --> 00:35:23.820
And it's like, yeah, because at that point I just was like, this was my fault.

00:35:24.619 --> 00:35:24.940
Right.

00:35:25.099 --> 00:35:36.539
You know, well, yeah, I mean, your your your reality is twisted and twisted and twisted and turned upside down so many times that you don't know who is to blame anymore for anything that's happening.

00:35:36.860 --> 00:35:44.619
Yeah, and he took advantage of me being young, me being in a new place, me being naive, me coming from a small town.

00:35:44.780 --> 00:35:50.860
I mean, I would get told constantly that you're not, you're not how men want women to be.

00:35:51.260 --> 00:35:59.420
You know, you're you're not a real woman if you don't do certain things, you're not a real woman if you don't look a certain way or dress a certain way.

00:35:59.659 --> 00:36:03.980
Um, and if you don't do it, I'll just go find somebody who will.

00:36:04.380 --> 00:36:11.500
And and for me, that was like, I should have just, you know, now I've been like, then please go find someone else.

00:36:12.860 --> 00:36:19.579
Um because that's like everybody's thought in their head when I say something like that is like, why didn't you just say, like, yeah, go find somebody else?

00:36:19.739 --> 00:36:21.659
And that should have been my reaction.

00:36:21.980 --> 00:36:27.420
But I was young and I was like, I really like this person.

00:36:27.579 --> 00:36:46.860
And he spent a lot of time in the beginning, like telling me how much he cared about me and how um how great I was, and how he was going to help me as a cop, and how he was, you know, he was such a great guy, and he was so charismatic, and everybody really liked him.

00:36:47.260 --> 00:36:56.699
And I was just enthralled as a young woman and also as a young cop, and there was a lot of things that were intertwined into it.

00:36:56.780 --> 00:36:59.980
And I think that in law enforcement, that happens a lot.

00:37:00.380 --> 00:37:17.659
It happens a lot, it happens a lot where there's older cops, higher-ranking cops, where they, you know, these new rookie women come in and they just it's almost not every one of them, but there's almost this weird predatory thing that goes on.

00:37:17.980 --> 00:37:30.860
And these young women are like, look at this established, well-liked, um, great, everybody likes this person, guy.

00:37:31.019 --> 00:37:42.059
That like, I want to have a great reputation, and I want to be connected to this per person because you know, I want to be looked at like they are, and you know, all of those.

00:37:42.139 --> 00:37:44.219
There's so much stuff that goes into it.

00:37:45.340 --> 00:37:47.500
So, how did you get out?

00:37:48.940 --> 00:37:55.579
Um, I physically removed myself and moved back across the country.

00:37:56.300 --> 00:37:57.900
Yeah, it's terrifying here.

00:37:58.300 --> 00:37:58.860
Yeah.

00:37:59.179 --> 00:38:13.019
Um it was it was really hard, and I would love to say that one violent incident was the last straw, but I think that it was more emotional for me.

00:38:13.179 --> 00:38:37.739
It was the realization that this person that I was trying so hard to make love me didn't really love me, because that's not what you do when so you love someone, that I didn't really like who he was, that if we weren't married, that I wouldn't have been even friends with him, um, that he was never going to treat me like his family.

00:38:38.300 --> 00:38:41.179
And I think it was more of an emotional realization.

00:38:41.900 --> 00:38:46.300
Um, and I wasn't even who it was, I wasn't even myself anymore.

00:38:46.539 --> 00:38:48.219
I was exhausted.

00:38:48.380 --> 00:38:50.059
I was constantly exhausted.

00:38:50.219 --> 00:39:00.380
I was not doing, I mean, I never, I didn't get in trouble in my job, or I didn't like, I think I was still a good cop, but I wasn't doing the things that I wanted to do.

00:39:00.539 --> 00:39:05.420
I wasn't on the you know trajectory that I was in the beginning.

00:39:05.820 --> 00:39:12.860

Mia Shagena

Detective/Survivor/Business Owner/Trainer/Expert

Mia Shagena is a survivor, advocate, and Investigations Detective whose life and work have been defined by resilience and purpose. A survivor of intimate partner trafficking, Mia brings a rare and powerful perspective, one that bridges lived experience with nearly two decades of service as a police officer. Since 2008, she has dedicated her career to protecting others and bringing critical awareness to the crimes that too often remain hidden in plain sight.

Her dual perspective, both as a survivor and as a law enforcement professional, allows her to approach these crimes with empathy, insight, and determination to create change where it matters most. Mia is dedicated to equipping first responders, medical professionals, and community-based organizations through education and training to recognize signs of trafficking and domestic violence, and to serve survivors with dignity and care. Through this work, she also walks alongside survivors one-on-one, helping them navigate healing and rebuild their lives after trauma. At the heart of Mia’s mission is a commitment to changing the narrative, shifting how first responders engage with survivors, and raising public awareness about how closely trafficking and domestic violence are intertwined. She believes that the loudest voices, joined together, can push for meaningful change. Honored to be part of this movement, Mia continues to use her story, expertise, and her platform to ensure survivors are seen, heard, and supported.

104-The Badge Doesn’t Make You Immune: Coercive Control & Trafficking with Mia Shagena

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