Sept. 9, 2025
86-Your Authentic Self Is Waiting on the Other Side of Therapy With Linda Feig Knipe
Linda's powerful journey through trauma and therapy unfolds as she shares how a professor's casual comment triggered severe PTSD symptoms decades after her sexual assault. Rather than continuing to bury her experience—something she'd done for years believing it showed strength—she embarked on a therapeutic journey that would transform her life. The conversation delves deep into how trauma affects our minds and bodies. Linda beautifully explains memory as "biology plus biography," revealing w...
Linda's powerful journey through trauma and therapy unfolds as she shares how a professor's casual comment triggered severe PTSD symptoms decades after her sexual assault. Rather than continuing to bury her experience—something she'd done for years believing it showed strength—she embarked on a therapeutic journey that would transform her life.
The conversation delves deep into how trauma affects our minds and bodies. Linda beautifully explains memory as "biology plus biography," revealing why traumatic memories become fragmented and resurface unexpectedly as PTSD symptoms. Her description of experiencing a persistent "creepy feeling" in her back, which she eventually recognized as dread from her assault, offers listeners a visceral understanding of how the body holds onto trauma when the mind tries to forget.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is the candid exploration of therapy itself—not as we see it portrayed in media, but as it actually unfolds. Linda shares the fears that kept her from seeking help sooner: the shame of revealing things she'd sworn never to discuss, practical concerns about cost and finding the right therapist, and the false belief that strength means handling problems alone.
Though Linda emphasizes the difficulty of therapy—calling it "the hardest thing I've ever done"—she equally celebrates its profound rewards. Her journey helped her become the authentic person she always wanted to be, find love with her soulmate, and develop a lasting sense of gratitude that sustained her even through his death. For anyone struggling with trauma or considering therapy, Linda's message offers both comfort and conviction: we all face difficult experiences, but true healing comes through vulnerability, connection, and the courage to face what we've hidden from ourselves.
Ready to start your own healing journey? Check out Linda's book "Braving Therapy" and remember that whatever trauma you're carrying, you don't have to face it alone.
Linda's Links:
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
00:46 - Welcome to the Healing Journey
03:44 - Linda's Trauma and Buried Pain
07:36 - Understanding PTSD and Memory
18:22 - Why People Avoid Therapy
34:17 - The Difficult but Rewarding Work
50:17 - Braving Therapy and Final Wisdom
01:07:34 - Closing Thoughts and Resources
WEBVTT
00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:01.887
Hi warriors, welcome to One in Three.
00:00:01.887 --> 00:00:03.245
I'm your host, ingrid.
00:00:03.245 --> 00:00:06.349
Trauma affects us all in different ways.
00:00:06.349 --> 00:00:10.191
Some of us bury it, while others face it head on.
00:00:10.191 --> 00:00:19.908
My guest today, linda, is the author of Braving Therapy, where she shares her journey into therapy and the lessons she learned along the way.
00:00:19.908 --> 00:00:37.491
Let's dive in to the importance of therapy and healing trauma.
00:00:37.512 --> 00:00:40.113
Please welcome, linda.
00:00:40.113 --> 00:00:41.615
I'm looking forward to talking with you.
00:00:42.295 --> 00:00:51.953
Oh, I'm very much excited for this episode because I think there's a lot of relatable information that we're going to be sharing, not just for myself, but also for many listeners.
00:00:51.953 --> 00:01:01.771
But before we dive into that conversation, could you share a little bit of a background about yourself, just so the listeners could get to know you a little bit?
00:01:01.811 --> 00:01:07.447
Yeah, I am in upstate New York.
00:01:07.447 --> 00:01:12.750
I'm actually sitting in a little cottage that I have on Lake Ontario right now.
00:01:12.750 --> 00:01:19.865
I'm really resistant to leaving for the year because that means summer's over.
00:01:19.865 --> 00:01:24.132
So I grew up in this area.
00:01:24.132 --> 00:01:26.114
I actually grew up in Summers on the Lake.
00:01:26.114 --> 00:01:32.674
I have a big, happy family and most of them have cottages or trailers around here.
00:01:32.674 --> 00:01:37.269
We're we're pretty just normal middle-class family.
00:01:37.269 --> 00:01:40.659
That was close, a lot of siblings, um.
00:01:40.659 --> 00:02:08.118
So I I will just start out by saying I don't know why, but when I was in high school I remember this, um I just felt really strongly that it wasn't fair that I had such a happy, loving family and so many people, um just kind of were twisted around, um, by what life had handed them, that I kind of were twisted around by what life had handed them, that I kind of made it.
00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:28.256
I felt like my purpose in life was going to be to help people, you know, to help people kind of find their way, because I felt very lucky and then, as I went off on my own, I had a lot of difficult experiences.
00:02:28.256 --> 00:02:57.872
Life is harder than you think it's going to be when you're a kid for some of us and in my 20s I had a couple of really traumatic incidences and one of them was I was living alone in an apartment in Florida, very far away from my family, and my apartment was broken into and I was raped by someone I didn't know and because I was strong and tough, I just buried that and moved on with my life.
00:02:57.872 --> 00:03:04.810
I got married, I had children, and then I had worked as a social worker.
00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:14.665
Children and then I had worked as a social worker and I went back to school.
00:03:14.665 --> 00:03:18.414
I was a Red Cross director too and decided to go back to school for counseling as in school counselor.
00:03:18.414 --> 00:03:43.612
So because my thinking was I was working with a lot of people who were making bad choices as a Red Cross director in a small chapter and thought if I can start helping people make better choices when they're younger especially career choices and things maybe people could have a better direction.
00:03:44.013 --> 00:04:05.075
As soon as I went into the grad program, I was close to 40, and at the end of the first class on counseling theories we were talking about therapy and I asked a question and the professor made a statement about when therapy is worse before it gets better.
00:04:05.075 --> 00:04:09.506
Is in the situation where you have a rape in your background that you didn't deal with.
00:04:09.506 --> 00:04:16.805
And when you go through therapy it's going to be pretty hard for a while until it starts to get better.
00:04:16.805 --> 00:04:19.331
And that was my situation.
00:04:19.331 --> 00:04:24.350
I'd never dealt with it and I just I wanted to blink.
00:04:24.350 --> 00:04:32.896
And we were sitting in a circle of about a dozen students and I was just telling myself don't blink, don't blink, they'll all know.
00:04:33.497 --> 00:04:35.824
And that started as soon as I left there.
00:04:35.824 --> 00:04:43.225
I started with post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms and they got to be severe.
00:04:43.225 --> 00:04:52.829
I had all of the symptoms that you've heard about for PTSD and finally I didn't know what was going on.
00:04:52.829 --> 00:04:56.730
I finally went back and talked to the professor a couple of weeks later.
00:04:56.730 --> 00:05:02.632
He explained PTSD and told me I was really going to need to see a therapist.
00:05:04.923 --> 00:05:41.209
So that was the start of that's the beginning of the book going through that period, yeah, and I think that you and I have different stories but similar backgrounds, where I also have gone through my life thinking I am so lucky to have the amazing support of family and friends around me that just surrounded with love and you know, that's unfortunately not the case for everyone and I also did the same thing of when I left my abusive relationship.
00:05:41.209 --> 00:05:47.483
I thought I was okay, I'm a tough person, I'll, you know, buck up and carry on.
00:05:47.483 --> 00:05:58.745
And it was not quite as long as you, but quite a while later before I realized that I was starting to show cracks of PTSD.
00:05:58.745 --> 00:06:06.375
So could you do you mind just describing a few of the characteristics of PTSD for those who may not be familiar?
00:06:09.062 --> 00:06:20.175
Well, yeah, so I'll tell you the characteristics of PTSD first, and then I'm going to explain a little bit about memory and how we store especially traumatic memories.
00:06:20.175 --> 00:06:29.214
But for PTSD there's lots of intrusive thoughts or re-experiencing.
00:06:29.214 --> 00:06:52.290
So intrusive meaning they just come into your mind and you can't control them, which was one of the things that was driving me crazy, because I was I guess I was a pretty controlling person as far as my own thoughts and behaviors and things.
00:06:52.290 --> 00:06:57.569
I was very disciplined and it was like why can't I just put this out of my mind and you cannot.
00:06:57.569 --> 00:07:09.391
So you're experiencing, you experience sensations, you experience thoughts that you can't stop thinking about or you just re-experience what happened.
00:07:09.391 --> 00:07:12.516
So that's one of the symptoms.
00:07:13.257 --> 00:07:14.620
Avoidance is another one.
00:07:14.620 --> 00:07:29.136
You just want to avoid anything that reminds you of the trauma and anything that might, you know, trigger any of those feelings again.
00:07:29.136 --> 00:07:49.980
And nightmares, all of that and I'm feeling like there is more that I'm not thinking of, because there is a list of like three main areas, but re-experiencing and avoidance and like nightmares and things are a big part of it.
00:07:49.980 --> 00:07:54.791
And sensations I had very weird sensations in my body.
00:07:56.956 --> 00:07:59.341
And that's so important too, is paying attention to your body.
00:07:59.341 --> 00:08:15.675
I have found that my body will speak to me before my brain catches on to something that's not feeling right, yeah yeah, actually, I had this very creepy feeling in my back and it was very funny.
00:08:16.379 --> 00:08:19.824
It wasn't funny, but it was very interesting to me.
00:08:19.824 --> 00:08:41.511
It felt like my description of it to my therapist at the time was that it felt like I was standing with my back against a wall that had lots of spiders and bugs and snakes and everything, and that I was like right in front of this wall and I knew that they were all behind me.
00:08:41.511 --> 00:08:56.942
And if you can imagine that creepy sensation and I didn't, and I would have that feeling in my back and I would just, I would be in a crowd at night and I would have that feeling in my back and I was just like I couldn't get rid of the feeling it's very creepy.
00:08:56.942 --> 00:09:14.875
And so this went on for months that I was, and it was interesting because, as because I was in a grad program and I had started with my therapist, my grad program was in counseling and counseling theory and all of that while I was seeing a therapist.
00:09:14.875 --> 00:09:27.413
So I felt like I was getting to watch both sides of it, like I would be watching him when he was working with me of it, like I would be watching him when he was working with me.
00:09:27.433 --> 00:10:08.509
It took me months to figure it, to think about what it was, and I finally realized and I don't remember what the situation was, but that was exactly the same feeling and, if I explain this as you think about being a kid, when you used to sit around and tell ghost stories in the dark with your friends and you would feel that creepy heebie-jeebies feeling in your back and you'd want to turn around because it felt like that people would laugh at you, so you wouldn't turn around and you'd just sit there with that feeling in your back.
00:10:08.509 --> 00:10:13.826
That's the feeling that I was having in these just normal situations.
00:10:13.826 --> 00:10:24.894
It was that creepy heebie-jeebies feeling in my back, but then I was having a very difficult time because you really start numbing yourself to emotions.
00:10:24.894 --> 00:10:49.402
Identifying emotions and identify the emotion that I was feeling as a physical sensation in my body is dread, and dread is the feeling I had had when this attack was about to occur and during the attack to occur and during the attack.
00:10:49.422 --> 00:10:51.666
That's so interesting how you're able to tie those feelings years later to that specific experience.
00:10:52.006 --> 00:10:57.043
It took a long time for one thing, and the other thing was even.
00:10:57.043 --> 00:11:15.432
I mean, therapy was very hard because I was really resistant to talking about a lot of things, because a lot of my book is about shame and vulnerability and hiding things and being tough and not revealing our weaknesses.
00:11:15.432 --> 00:11:29.594
But I would be sitting in therapy going man, this is fascinating and this is happening to me At the same time that I can barely talk because I'm so anxious, but cognitively I was going wow.
00:11:31.620 --> 00:11:36.706
You know, I have the same kind of brain and I was thinking the same thing like this is the craziest trip.
00:11:36.706 --> 00:11:48.844
Like I wish I was watching a movie to see all this happening instead of actually experiencing it happening instead of actually experiencing it.
00:11:48.864 --> 00:11:50.886
Yeah yeah, I didn't like the experiencing it, but it was an amazing, an amazing.
00:11:50.886 --> 00:12:00.451
Even thought that stuff that I had read about was actually I was actually experiencing it and I didn't have control over it.
00:12:01.921 --> 00:12:06.932
Yeah, that's crazy too, actually learning about it and experiencing it at the same time.
00:12:07.681 --> 00:12:16.283
So you asked a question about talking about PTSD a little bit and I said that I would go back and talk a little bit about memory.
00:12:16.283 --> 00:12:48.392
So generally, when we remember things, generally when we remember things, there was a white paper that I read way back then because I was in grad school, I had access to the grad school library and so I was reading academic papers about this all the time, and one person described memory as biology plus biography equals memory.
00:12:48.392 --> 00:13:01.081
So the biology is the experience and the way we experience it, our sensations in our body, and the biography is the narrative that you put to it.
00:13:01.081 --> 00:13:12.225
Cognitively, you combine the sensations that you had with the narrative that you put to it and you store it properly in your memory.
00:13:12.225 --> 00:13:22.327
And there's a part of our brain that deals with all of the really scary kind of stuff that you have to make decisions about right away.
00:13:22.327 --> 00:13:45.509
It's called the amygdala, and a professor, when she was describing it, said the amygdala is like the old Ernestine operator skits that they used to have on some shows, where somebody would call up and then Ernestine would plug it into the right place.
00:13:46.660 --> 00:13:48.708
And that happens in the amygdala.
00:13:48.708 --> 00:14:06.691
It has to make decisions really quickly, and what happens with some people with trauma is it is the sensations and the whole trauma is so uncomfortable to think about.
00:14:06.691 --> 00:14:08.441
That you don't think about.
00:14:08.441 --> 00:14:24.542
You shove the sensations away really quickly without any narrative to them, and so actually those sensations are shoved away with other kinds of memories, things that were happening around the same time.
00:14:24.542 --> 00:14:30.750
So that's how they come popping out when you don't have any control about them.
00:14:30.750 --> 00:14:38.741
If you had memories that were properly stored, with the narrative and stuff, you would have more control over those thoughts.
00:14:38.741 --> 00:14:54.221
But when you just shove away sensations without putting any narrative to them, it's like something that's misfiled in a file cabinet and you go to pull out a file and all of a sudden this weird paper comes out that just got stuck in there.
00:14:54.221 --> 00:15:05.395
So that's how the PTSD symptoms kind of keep coming back out when you don't want them and in the strangest times.
00:15:05.395 --> 00:15:25.890
Okay, and that explains also why some people are, you know, able to carry on with their life.
00:15:25.890 --> 00:15:39.018
For, however, although as I was in my therapy, I realized how insidiously that protective feeling is like you just are much more controlling in your life.
00:15:39.018 --> 00:15:42.078
You kind of shut down your emotions, are much more controlling in your life.
00:15:42.078 --> 00:15:50.254
You kind of shut down your emotions because all of that feels kind of unsafe.
00:15:50.254 --> 00:15:52.688
You feel like you need to keep things into control.
00:15:53.179 --> 00:16:16.595
When I first started my grad program and it was a summer class there were only a dozen students in the class and I remember two of us in the class were very cognitive thinkers and everybody else in the class was kind of more emotional in their responses and we felt just the two of us you could tell by the way we were talking we felt very superior for just making decisions cognitively.
00:16:17.321 --> 00:16:25.534
But through the class I started realizing that I referred to my emotions in the third person.
00:16:25.534 --> 00:16:37.047
Like I couldn't even claim an emotion I would say it's a feeling of being uncomfortable, it's a feeling of having a creepy sensation, it's a feeling of being sad.
00:16:37.047 --> 00:16:47.534
I didn't even say I'm sad and as I was going through the class I started going wow, what's the deal?
00:16:47.534 --> 00:16:56.548
And I said that to my sister and she said, wow, I always am examining my emotions and I said I never thought about it.
00:16:56.548 --> 00:17:10.515
But when I realized that when I'm describing how I feel about stuff, I describe it as a feeling that I don't say I feel and that's a real numbing kind of I'm afraid of emotions.
00:17:10.575 --> 00:17:29.368
I don't even want to claim them always find it easier to describe somebody else's emotions than my own.
00:17:29.368 --> 00:17:34.826
Or if I actually in therapy, when I was talking about my emotions, I was referring to myself in a past tense, so, like you know, younger me.
00:17:34.826 --> 00:17:40.383
And that was okay, but it was difficult for me to say myself yeah, you can't claim it yourself.
00:17:40.443 --> 00:17:58.546
And the other thing that I realized and I thought it was just an empathic, I thought it was just me being empathic, except that this doesn't happen to me much anymore is I would feel very deeply emotions that I thought other people were feeling.
00:17:58.546 --> 00:18:27.286
So if something happened to somebody, and oh, so during that time or before that time I wrote about this I think it was probably early in my therapy I had three little boys and there was a mother who had been in a car accident with three little boys and they had all been killed, I could not.
00:18:27.286 --> 00:18:41.442
I was so overcome with grief because I was feeling the grief that I imagined she must be feeling, and I was so overcome with grief that I almost couldn't function.
00:18:41.442 --> 00:18:49.013
And I used to do that just about everything that I imagined people were feeling, and I don't do that anymore.
00:18:49.998 --> 00:18:50.559
I was the same.
00:18:50.559 --> 00:18:54.752
I mean, it would be something simple, Like if I saw somebody eating lunch by themselves.
00:18:54.752 --> 00:19:01.634
I created this narrative that they didn't want to be by themselves and I felt so sad for them, Like did they lose?
00:19:01.694 --> 00:19:02.856
somebody.
00:19:02.856 --> 00:19:06.003
Yes, they must be so embarrassed and alone.
00:19:06.003 --> 00:19:13.281
Yes, oh my goodness, and it didn't even occur to me that maybe they really needed to get away from all the people.
00:19:14.523 --> 00:19:24.342
Actually, yes, my sister is an LCSW and I've told her about this and she said you know, some people actually just want to eat by themselves.
00:19:24.883 --> 00:19:31.780
Yeah, yeah, I'm deaf and when I'm alone, please don't come up and talk to me.
00:19:34.691 --> 00:19:35.635
Okay, I'll keep that in mind.
00:19:35.635 --> 00:19:38.851
Okay, so what?
00:19:38.851 --> 00:20:04.505
You know, what prevents somebody from moving on when they are stuck sort of in this cycle, either of recognizing some of the features of PTSD or, you, you know, still ignoring or not ignoring, but, you know, bypassing that well, I think it's really easy when you're not suffering from the craziness of ptsd.
00:20:04.625 --> 00:20:13.596
I mean, once ptsd surfaces you're gonna have to do something about it, you know, because maybe you can wait it out until it gets buried again.
00:20:13.596 --> 00:20:16.770
But for me it went on for five years.
00:20:16.770 --> 00:20:22.840
So you need to deal with it and you need help with that.
00:20:22.840 --> 00:20:26.051
It's not something that you can just tell yourself.
00:20:26.051 --> 00:20:27.693
I can control this, put it away.
00:20:29.836 --> 00:20:43.402
And the reason is because it's very uncomfortable to talk about trauma, like people who've had trauma I mean for military people.
00:20:43.402 --> 00:20:58.974
You know, actually they've developed many different therapies for military people because going back and talking about that stuff is so awful that it's re-traumatizing.
00:20:58.974 --> 00:22:07.644
But for my situation, being able to talk it through and being able to start understanding the emotions that I was feeling at the time kind of released those emotions that I had buried and I had just become super numb as far as being an emotional person was concerned, I was still kind and I felt good stuff, I felt love for my kids and things, but I didn't feel a lot of negative emotions and I think they would come out in kind of controlling ways, like I would try and keep everything under control so that I didn't have to deal with them, and I'm thinking you need to go back to the question because I think I got off track.
00:22:09.792 --> 00:22:10.917
Well, you did kind of cover it.
00:22:10.917 --> 00:22:11.809
It was.
00:22:11.809 --> 00:22:14.511
You know what prevents people from moving on.
00:22:14.511 --> 00:22:16.953
So obviously when they're showing the signs of PTSD, there's sort think.
00:22:16.973 --> 00:22:59.855
I want to see a therapist Because and most of my book is I don't know if I wrote a book about breathing therapy and it was about this journey of like seeking of realizing I needed to get therapy after almost 20 years and seeking it and all of the things that I had to overcome when I was thinking about therapy.
00:22:59.855 --> 00:23:22.371
And it was funny because my oldest son, who was a great, he was a very good sounding board for me and he said you need to include a chapter, or at least write about all of the reasons why people don't want to go to therapy, because he'd been through that himself and his.
00:23:22.371 --> 00:23:35.103
You know people that he knew and you well, first of all, you think you can handle it yourself, or you can, you know, talk to friends, but you don't want to talk about things.
00:23:35.103 --> 00:24:00.138
There are certain things you just tell yourself you're never going to talk about, because those are the things that are the skeletons in your closet or the things that you hide, and you just, even if you went to talk to somebody, you wouldn't talk about that stuff, and my fear was that maybe they would somehow know how to get that out of me, and so that created fear.
00:24:00.138 --> 00:24:07.431
There are practical fears like how am I going to fit it in, how am I going to pay for this, how am I even going to find the right person?
00:24:07.431 --> 00:24:17.402
Everything in my head is such a jumbled mess I don't know how I'd ever start talking about it to begin with.
00:24:17.402 --> 00:24:21.767
And then what if it's the wrong person and I have to go find somebody else?
00:24:21.767 --> 00:24:45.156
All of those things, like everything that you can think of that you're creating an obstacle for yourself about therapy will come up.
00:24:45.176 --> 00:24:52.526
And there are, when you're thinking about it, things like worrying about other people finding out you're in therapy.
00:24:52.526 --> 00:24:59.482
Well, who's going to tell them unless you tell them?
00:24:59.482 --> 00:25:00.849
Because the therapist can't tell them.
00:25:00.849 --> 00:25:11.801
And and honestly I will tell you that I know people in positions that people do go and talk to bartenders, things like that, and they do talk.
00:25:11.801 --> 00:25:24.036
So if you want to be able to talk to somebody, if you're using somebody because you need to let down, find a therapist because they are the one person that can't talk about what you're saying Everybody else.
00:25:24.036 --> 00:25:27.971
If you go and talk to somebody, you have no idea who they're going to tell.
00:25:30.212 --> 00:25:45.186
So, worrying about that, worrying about finding the right therapist, what I have said is it may seem like a jumble in your head, but you'll know you're talking to the right person when you're talking about the right stuff very quickly.
00:25:45.186 --> 00:25:57.592
Different organizations that you can go to.
00:25:57.592 --> 00:26:03.003
There are mental health associations and things to be able to pay for therapy, and now they're doing therapy online so you can fit it into your life.
00:26:03.003 --> 00:26:27.364
There's always a solution to all of those, but the big one is worrying about talking about stuff that you don't ever want to reveal, and a good therapist lets you make the decision about what you're going to talk about.
00:26:27.364 --> 00:26:30.515
A good therapist is not going to direct you.
00:26:30.515 --> 00:26:39.362
They're going to help you talk and, honestly, if you go to somebody who directs the conversation, then you probably need to find a different therapist.
00:26:41.150 --> 00:26:41.431
Yeah.
00:26:41.431 --> 00:26:50.161
So I have a few things I wanted to mention, but directing the conversation is a big one, because there were times I would go into my therapist and I would say what should I do?
00:26:50.161 --> 00:26:53.297
And she would look at me.
00:26:53.297 --> 00:26:58.240
She's like okay, ingrid, we need to talk about this, let's process through, you know whatever.
00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:02.159
And I'm like no, I just want you to give me the answer, I just want you to tell me.
00:27:02.519 --> 00:27:03.602
I just want you to fix me.
00:27:04.190 --> 00:27:15.451
Yes, so I know a few reasons that people don't want to go to therapy is like you mentioned what are people going to say?
00:27:15.451 --> 00:27:22.430
I do believe that, at least today, the stigma of therapy is not such a prevalent thing anymore.
00:27:22.430 --> 00:27:29.132
People are more open in talking about mental health and going to therapy, so that's a really nice thing.
00:27:29.132 --> 00:27:31.215
That's happened over the years.
00:27:31.215 --> 00:27:41.366
And regarding people who talk, that's bartenders, yes, people who cut your hair I mean my therapist, the girl who cuts my hair.
00:27:41.366 --> 00:27:49.114
Sometimes I would go in and I said so, hey, I haven't seen my therapist in a couple you know, couple weeks, so I'm going to unload on you quick, because you're therapist number two.
00:27:49.114 --> 00:27:52.579
But yeah, they will talk, they absolutely will talk.
00:27:53.340 --> 00:27:59.416
And another thing that I wanted to bring up that is as recent is chat GPT.
00:27:59.416 --> 00:28:18.326
Apparently, a lot of people are going to these AI tools and using AI as their therapist, which, surprisingly, I heard about this and I plugged you know just a made up story into ChatGPT and it gave pretty decent advice.
00:28:18.326 --> 00:28:20.838
But something to keep in mind is one, it is AI.
00:28:20.838 --> 00:28:31.644
Two, if you speak with a therapist or if you speak with an attorney, they're held to their client privileges and HIPAA laws for you know, therapists.
00:28:31.644 --> 00:28:34.721
But ChatGPT is not HIPAA laws, for you know therapists, but chat GPT is not.
00:28:39.490 --> 00:28:44.019
Yeah, the other thing that would really terrify me with chat GPT is we still don't know which direction it's going in.
00:28:44.019 --> 00:28:51.355
Yes, and there have been times when it has told I've heard some stories about things that it's told young people to do.
00:28:51.355 --> 00:28:52.559
That are terrifying.
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:55.919
I mean, you're talking to something that doesn't have a conscience.
00:28:55.919 --> 00:28:58.693
That's pretty terrible.
00:28:58.734 --> 00:29:01.290
Why don't you just kill yourself, right.
00:29:01.290 --> 00:29:07.523
So I did want to bring that up, because that's not a good alternative to actual therapy?
00:29:07.990 --> 00:29:10.455
No, you don't know what you're getting.
00:29:10.455 --> 00:29:11.538
You don't know what you're getting.
00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:35.534
Exactly, and another good resource is I know your story is not again the same as mine, but domestic violence.
00:29:35.534 --> 00:29:43.922
A lot of domestic violence agencies out there do have resources available for individuals if they need assistance with therapy, that you are able to get therapy through those organizations.
00:29:43.922 --> 00:29:47.826
So that's a good place to check out Right therapy through those organizations so that's a good place to check out Right.
00:29:47.826 --> 00:29:50.307
And there are a lot of rape crisis programs that are available that will provide counseling.
00:29:50.307 --> 00:30:01.924
It may not be long-term, but for things like rape crisis, the quicker in any kind of therapy, the quicker you get it, the less you've kind of internalized all of that trauma and let it get mixed up in the way that you just function in the world.
00:30:01.924 --> 00:30:09.799
It's a little easier to parcel out and take care of it.
00:30:09.799 --> 00:30:17.990
So, yes, it's well worth it and take care of it.
00:30:18.010 --> 00:30:18.531
So, yes, it's well worth it.
00:30:18.531 --> 00:30:33.141
Another common theme that comes up is when dealing with trauma is control, and I think, regardless of whatever kind of trauma you've experienced if it's you mentioned war trauma, rape, trauma, domestic violence, trauma, any kind of trauma, a car accident sort of trauma you don't have control of that situation.
00:30:33.141 --> 00:30:43.477
So naturally, following the incident, your brain may want to somehow grab onto it or you may consciously say I need to control this narrative.
00:30:43.477 --> 00:30:54.502
I was not able to control that in the past and I mean that's like I said, it's a common theme that I've seen is trying to control the narrative.
00:30:55.164 --> 00:31:11.019
Yeah, I was going to say I think the control thing also has to do with avoidance and one of the ways that that part of your brain works, the amygdala, and they call it the amygdala attack.
00:31:11.019 --> 00:31:30.999
But we are on the lookout for threatening kind of things and when you're in that state where you're trying to control everything, a lot of things look like a threat that aren't necessarily a threat, but a lot of things look like a threat.
00:31:30.999 --> 00:31:38.817
And the amygdala was the part of our brain that is on guard to keep us alive.
00:31:38.817 --> 00:31:41.983
I mean, that's ultimately in our reptilian brain.
00:31:41.983 --> 00:31:47.974
That's how we were kept alive, as it was on guard against threats.
00:31:48.154 --> 00:32:04.349
And then, the minute that it perceives a threat, it does things like you will start to hyperventilate, your eyes might dilate, you feel your heart rate increase.
00:32:04.349 --> 00:32:10.083
Well, those are all things that are going to help you to either fight or escape.
00:32:10.083 --> 00:32:16.031
To either fight or escape.
00:32:16.031 --> 00:32:30.558
So the heart pumping blood faster, which you can feel, your heart pounding is pumping blood into your muscles in case you need to run or you need to fight, and the hyperventilating is oxygenating yourself and your eyes dilating is so that you can see things better.
00:32:30.558 --> 00:32:37.666
So your brain is responding in a way to protect you.
00:32:37.666 --> 00:32:42.422
The problem is, a lot of things aren't threats really anymore.
00:32:42.422 --> 00:32:45.759
You start perceiving so many more things as threats.
00:32:45.759 --> 00:33:02.761
So that's one of the reasons why PTSD feels so crazy, because you can't control the reptilian part of what your body is doing to protect you.
00:33:03.784 --> 00:33:12.084
Right, so okay, so we've talked about why people need therapy and why people stay away from therapy.
00:33:12.084 --> 00:33:28.794
So can we talk a little bit about actual therapy, because that is some difficult work and I don't want to say, you know, emphasize the difficult part, because I don't want to steer anybody away from therapy, because it is an incredible experience, but it is a lot of work.
00:33:29.634 --> 00:33:53.096
Yeah, so I will say that, as hard as therapy was, while I was in it, I was thinking to myself this is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I'm growing more than I have ever grown at any other time in my life.
00:33:53.096 --> 00:33:59.980
Like going through something that difficult, I learned so much.
00:33:59.980 --> 00:34:03.983
I became the person that I always wanted to be.
00:34:03.983 --> 00:34:07.807
I am much more authentic now than I ever was before.
00:34:07.807 --> 00:34:16.009
It was the most difficult experience, but the best experience of my life.
00:34:16.009 --> 00:34:23.402
Yeah, there's something else that I was going to say about that, but I will.
00:34:23.641 --> 00:34:31.248
So I'm the kind of person where you know we talked about being strong that I want to tackle things head on.
00:34:31.248 --> 00:34:40.463
So when I started noticing the little cracks in my exterior when I went into therapy, I said this is what's going on, let's get to it, let's.
00:34:40.463 --> 00:34:43.666
This is what's going on, let's get to it, let's jump in and take care of it.
00:34:43.766 --> 00:34:44.666
I want in and out.
00:34:44.666 --> 00:34:47.248
You're fast, me too.
00:34:47.429 --> 00:34:51.311
Me too, in and out, and it was not fast.
00:34:51.311 --> 00:34:55.715
And actually when we started the conversation, actually I wanted to talk about that quick too.
00:34:55.715 --> 00:34:56.416
I did not.
00:34:56.416 --> 00:35:04.423
I had not done therapy before and I wasn't sure, you know, I had seen things on TV.
00:35:04.423 --> 00:35:05.226
Am I supposed to lay down on this couch?
00:35:05.226 --> 00:35:05.427
What am I?
00:35:05.427 --> 00:35:06.550
You know what's supposed to happen?
00:35:06.550 --> 00:35:08.577
And it was really uncomfortable.
00:35:08.577 --> 00:35:11.367
I sat down for a minute and I said I don't know what to do.
00:35:11.367 --> 00:35:12.990
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
00:35:12.990 --> 00:35:17.503
And she was just like this is your time, whatever you want to do.
00:35:17.503 --> 00:35:18.726
And I said, all right.
00:35:18.726 --> 00:35:21.889
And then I get almost the same conversation.
00:35:21.909 --> 00:35:25.193
Yes, it was just a really comfortable.
00:35:25.193 --> 00:35:28.481
Yeah, don't make me talk, right.
00:35:28.702 --> 00:35:31.130
And so I just was like looking around.
00:35:31.130 --> 00:35:43.496
I was like, so I mean, today I just started like talking about my day and then eventually she definitely was the right person for me and I was able to start opening up.
00:35:43.496 --> 00:35:48.552
And then that's when I jumped in I said, okay, this is why I'm here and I want to get this taken care of.
00:35:48.552 --> 00:36:02.873
And as we talked more to try to figure out the right modality to get to the root of my trauma, we discovered other pieces that played into it too, and things that that you said.
00:36:02.974 --> 00:36:10.516
Like what you mentioned, you became your more authentic self, and here I am in, you know, older age.
00:36:10.516 --> 00:36:13.384
I was like I wish I would have known these things about myself when I was 20.
00:36:13.384 --> 00:36:22.648
And it's really incredible how this word is overused, but I don't know what other word to use is empowering.
00:36:22.648 --> 00:36:29.523
It really is because you start to understand yourself and you start to recognize things that you never recognized about yourself before.
00:36:30.885 --> 00:36:35.514
So let me say, when I've done author talks, it's so interesting.
00:36:35.514 --> 00:36:43.893
So I wrote this book because not because it was therapeutic for me I was a counselor.
00:36:43.893 --> 00:36:47.103
I used all of the information.
00:36:47.103 --> 00:36:54.965
I channeled my therapist, my psychologist a lot when I was working with students because we did a lot of personal counseling.
00:36:54.965 --> 00:36:59.782
So I had a very purposeful life after that.
00:36:59.782 --> 00:37:08.911
But I didn't feel like I was done with the experience until I passed along the learning, which is why I wrote the book.
00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:01.887
00:00:01.887 --> 00:00:03.245
00:00:03.245 --> 00:00:06.349
00:00:06.349 --> 00:00:10.191
00:00:10.191 --> 00:00:19.908
00:00:19.908 --> 00:00:37.491
00:00:37.512 --> 00:00:40.113
00:00:40.113 --> 00:00:41.615
00:00:42.295 --> 00:00:51.953
00:00:51.953 --> 00:01:01.771
00:01:01.811 --> 00:01:07.447
00:01:07.447 --> 00:01:12.750
00:01:12.750 --> 00:01:19.865
00:01:19.865 --> 00:01:24.132
00:01:24.132 --> 00:01:26.114
00:01:26.114 --> 00:01:32.674
00:01:32.674 --> 00:01:37.269
00:01:37.269 --> 00:01:40.659
00:01:40.659 --> 00:02:08.118
00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:28.256
00:02:28.256 --> 00:02:57.872
00:02:57.872 --> 00:03:04.810
00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:14.665
00:03:14.665 --> 00:03:18.414
00:03:18.414 --> 00:03:43.612
00:03:44.013 --> 00:04:05.075
00:04:05.075 --> 00:04:09.506
00:04:09.506 --> 00:04:16.805
00:04:16.805 --> 00:04:19.331
00:04:19.331 --> 00:04:24.350
00:04:24.350 --> 00:04:32.896
00:04:33.497 --> 00:04:35.824
00:04:35.824 --> 00:04:43.225
00:04:43.225 --> 00:04:52.829
00:04:52.829 --> 00:04:56.730
00:04:56.730 --> 00:05:02.632
00:05:04.923 --> 00:05:41.209
00:05:41.209 --> 00:05:47.483
00:05:47.483 --> 00:05:58.745
00:05:58.745 --> 00:06:06.375
00:06:09.062 --> 00:06:20.175
00:06:20.175 --> 00:06:29.214
00:06:29.214 --> 00:06:52.290
00:06:52.290 --> 00:06:57.569
00:06:57.569 --> 00:07:09.391
00:07:09.391 --> 00:07:12.516
00:07:13.257 --> 00:07:14.620
00:07:14.620 --> 00:07:29.136
00:07:29.136 --> 00:07:49.980
00:07:49.980 --> 00:07:54.791
00:07:56.956 --> 00:07:59.341
00:07:59.341 --> 00:08:15.675
00:08:16.379 --> 00:08:19.824
00:08:19.824 --> 00:08:41.511
00:08:41.511 --> 00:08:56.942
00:08:56.942 --> 00:09:14.875
00:09:14.875 --> 00:09:27.413
00:09:27.433 --> 00:10:08.509
00:10:08.509 --> 00:10:13.826
00:10:13.826 --> 00:10:24.894
00:10:24.894 --> 00:10:49.402
00:10:49.422 --> 00:10:51.666
00:10:52.006 --> 00:10:57.043
00:10:57.043 --> 00:11:15.432
00:11:15.432 --> 00:11:29.594
00:11:31.620 --> 00:11:36.706
00:11:36.706 --> 00:11:48.844
00:11:48.864 --> 00:11:50.886
00:11:50.886 --> 00:12:00.451
00:12:01.921 --> 00:12:06.932
00:12:07.681 --> 00:12:16.283
00:12:16.283 --> 00:12:48.392
00:12:48.392 --> 00:13:01.081
00:13:01.081 --> 00:13:12.225
00:13:12.225 --> 00:13:22.327
00:13:22.327 --> 00:13:45.509
00:13:46.660 --> 00:13:48.708
00:13:48.708 --> 00:14:06.691
00:14:06.691 --> 00:14:08.441
00:14:08.441 --> 00:14:24.542
00:14:24.542 --> 00:14:30.750
00:14:30.750 --> 00:14:38.741
00:14:38.741 --> 00:14:54.221
00:14:54.221 --> 00:15:05.395
00:15:05.395 --> 00:15:25.890
00:15:25.890 --> 00:15:39.018
00:15:39.018 --> 00:15:42.078
00:15:42.078 --> 00:15:50.254
00:15:50.254 --> 00:15:52.688
00:15:53.179 --> 00:16:16.595
00:16:17.321 --> 00:16:25.534
00:16:25.534 --> 00:16:37.047
00:16:37.047 --> 00:16:47.534
00:16:47.534 --> 00:16:56.548
00:16:56.548 --> 00:17:10.515
00:17:10.575 --> 00:17:29.368
00:17:29.368 --> 00:17:34.826
00:17:34.826 --> 00:17:40.383
00:17:40.443 --> 00:17:58.546
00:17:58.546 --> 00:18:27.286
00:18:27.286 --> 00:18:41.442
00:18:41.442 --> 00:18:49.013
00:18:49.998 --> 00:18:50.559
00:18:50.559 --> 00:18:54.752
00:18:54.752 --> 00:19:01.634
00:19:01.694 --> 00:19:02.856
00:19:02.856 --> 00:19:06.003
00:19:06.003 --> 00:19:13.281
00:19:14.523 --> 00:19:24.342
00:19:24.883 --> 00:19:31.780
00:19:34.691 --> 00:19:35.635
00:19:35.635 --> 00:19:38.851
00:19:38.851 --> 00:20:04.505
00:20:04.625 --> 00:20:13.596
00:20:13.596 --> 00:20:16.770
00:20:16.770 --> 00:20:22.840
00:20:22.840 --> 00:20:26.051
00:20:26.051 --> 00:20:27.693
00:20:29.836 --> 00:20:43.402
00:20:43.402 --> 00:20:58.974
00:20:58.974 --> 00:22:07.644
00:22:09.792 --> 00:22:10.917
00:22:10.917 --> 00:22:11.809
00:22:11.809 --> 00:22:14.511
00:22:14.511 --> 00:22:16.953
00:22:16.973 --> 00:22:59.855
00:22:59.855 --> 00:23:22.371
00:23:22.371 --> 00:23:35.103
00:23:35.103 --> 00:24:00.138
00:24:00.138 --> 00:24:07.431
00:24:07.431 --> 00:24:17.402
00:24:17.402 --> 00:24:21.767
00:24:21.767 --> 00:24:45.156
00:24:45.176 --> 00:24:52.526
00:24:52.526 --> 00:24:59.482
00:24:59.482 --> 00:25:00.849
00:25:00.849 --> 00:25:11.801
00:25:11.801 --> 00:25:24.036
00:25:24.036 --> 00:25:27.971
00:25:30.212 --> 00:25:45.186
00:25:45.186 --> 00:25:57.592
00:25:57.592 --> 00:26:03.003
00:26:03.003 --> 00:26:27.364
00:26:27.364 --> 00:26:30.515
00:26:30.515 --> 00:26:39.362
00:26:41.150 --> 00:26:41.431
00:26:41.431 --> 00:26:50.161
00:26:50.161 --> 00:26:53.297
00:26:53.297 --> 00:26:58.240
00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:02.159
00:27:02.519 --> 00:27:03.602
00:27:04.190 --> 00:27:15.451
00:27:15.451 --> 00:27:22.430
00:27:22.430 --> 00:27:29.132
00:27:29.132 --> 00:27:31.215
00:27:31.215 --> 00:27:41.366
00:27:41.366 --> 00:27:49.114
00:27:49.114 --> 00:27:52.579
00:27:53.340 --> 00:27:59.416
00:27:59.416 --> 00:28:18.326
00:28:18.326 --> 00:28:20.838
00:28:20.838 --> 00:28:31.644
00:28:31.644 --> 00:28:34.721
00:28:39.490 --> 00:28:44.019
00:28:44.019 --> 00:28:51.355
00:28:51.355 --> 00:28:52.559
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:55.919
00:28:55.919 --> 00:28:58.693
00:28:58.734 --> 00:29:01.290
00:29:01.290 --> 00:29:07.523
00:29:07.990 --> 00:29:10.455
00:29:10.455 --> 00:29:11.538
00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:35.534
00:29:35.534 --> 00:29:43.922
00:29:43.922 --> 00:29:47.826
00:29:47.826 --> 00:29:50.307
00:29:50.307 --> 00:30:01.924
00:30:01.924 --> 00:30:09.799
00:30:09.799 --> 00:30:17.990
00:30:18.010 --> 00:30:18.531
00:30:18.531 --> 00:30:33.141
00:30:33.141 --> 00:30:43.477
00:30:43.477 --> 00:30:54.502
00:30:55.164 --> 00:31:11.019
00:31:11.019 --> 00:31:30.999
00:31:30.999 --> 00:31:38.817
00:31:38.817 --> 00:31:41.983
00:31:41.983 --> 00:31:47.974
00:31:48.154 --> 00:32:04.349
00:32:04.349 --> 00:32:10.083
00:32:10.083 --> 00:32:16.031
00:32:16.031 --> 00:32:30.558
00:32:30.558 --> 00:32:37.666
00:32:37.666 --> 00:32:42.422
00:32:42.422 --> 00:32:45.759
00:32:45.759 --> 00:33:02.761
00:33:03.784 --> 00:33:12.084
00:33:12.084 --> 00:33:28.794
00:33:29.634 --> 00:33:53.096
00:33:53.096 --> 00:33:59.980
00:33:59.980 --> 00:34:03.983
00:34:03.983 --> 00:34:07.807
00:34:07.807 --> 00:34:16.009
00:34:16.009 --> 00:34:23.402
00:34:23.641 --> 00:34:31.248
00:34:31.248 --> 00:34:40.463
00:34:40.463 --> 00:34:43.666
00:34:43.766 --> 00:34:44.666
00:34:44.666 --> 00:34:47.248
00:34:47.429 --> 00:34:51.311
00:34:51.311 --> 00:34:55.715
00:34:55.715 --> 00:34:56.416
00:34:56.416 --> 00:35:04.423
00:35:04.423 --> 00:35:05.226
00:35:05.226 --> 00:35:05.427
00:35:05.427 --> 00:35:06.550
00:35:06.550 --> 00:35:08.577
00:35:08.577 --> 00:35:11.367
00:35:11.367 --> 00:35:12.990
00:35:12.990 --> 00:35:17.503
00:35:17.503 --> 00:35:18.726
00:35:18.726 --> 00:35:21.889
00:35:21.909 --> 00:35:25.193
00:35:25.193 --> 00:35:28.481
00:35:28.702 --> 00:35:31.130
00:35:31.130 --> 00:35:43.496
00:35:43.496 --> 00:35:48.552
00:35:48.552 --> 00:36:02.873
00:36:02.974 --> 00:36:10.516
00:36:10.516 --> 00:36:13.384
00:36:13.384 --> 00:36:22.648
00:36:22.648 --> 00:36:29.523
00:36:30.885 --> 00:36:35.514
00:36:35.514 --> 00:36:43.893
00:36:43.893 --> 00:36:47.103
00:36:47.103 --> 00:36:54.965
00:36:54.965 --> 00:36:59.782
00:36:59.782 --> 00:37:08.911