Recognizing the Signs: What to Watch for and How to Help Safely

This blog post is based on the recent 1in3Podcast episode featuring Susanne Shepherd Post of Shear Haven. In the episode, we explored the critical role that hairstylists and other salon professionals can play in recognizing and responding to domestic violence. This post will delve deeper into the subtle signs of abuse, how to approach these situations with sensitivity and care, the importance of maintaining boundaries, and the incredible impact Shear Haven is having worldwide. Read on to explore how everyday conversations can become life-saving interventions.

Introduction: Why Hairstylists?

Think about it: who do you confide in regularly? Who touches you, listens to you, and builds a relationship with you over time? For many, the answer is their hairstylist. Stylists are often privy to intimate details about their clients' lives – their joys, their sorrows, and sometimes, their struggles. This unique position makes them invaluable allies in the fight against domestic violence. They often hear the subtle cues, the offhand comments, and the early warning signs that might go unnoticed by others. They're not therapists, or counselors, but trusted humans who are in a perfect position to offer help to those in need.

Hairstylists develop trust and rapport with their clients over the years. Clients often feel comfortable sharing personal stories and experiences during appointments. This creates an opportunity for stylists to notice patterns and changes in behavior that could indicate domestic abuse. This is why training programs like Shear Haven are so important. They provide stylists with the knowledge and tools to recognize these signs and respond appropriately.

The Shear Haven Initiative: Transforming Salons into Safe Spaces

Shear Haven is an organization dedicated to transforming salons into safe spaces by training hairstylists and other salon professionals to recognize the signs of domestic violence and provide resources to those in need. Founded by Susanne Shepherd Post, Shear Haven provides a free, 20-minute online training program that equips beauty professionals with the knowledge and skills to make a difference. This training isn't about turning stylists into therapists; it's about empowering them to be informed, compassionate listeners who can offer support and connect individuals with the appropriate resources.

The Shear Haven initiative was born from a desire to make a tangible difference in the lives of those affected by domestic violence. Susanne Shepherd Post recognized the unique position of hairstylists and saw an opportunity to leverage their relationships with clients to create a network of support. The organization provides resources and training materials, including information on local and national domestic violence hotlines and support services. By partnering with salons and beauty schools, Shear Haven is creating a culture of awareness and support within the beauty industry.

The Shear Haven training covers a range of topics, including: Recognizing the signs of domestic violence; Understanding the dynamics of abuse; How to safely approach a client you suspect is experiencing abuse; Providing resources and referrals; and Setting boundaries to protect yourself and your client. The training emphasizes the importance of listening without judgment and creating a safe space for clients to share their experiences.

Subtle Signs of Domestic Violence: What to Watch For

Domestic violence is not always physical. It can manifest in various forms, including emotional, verbal, financial, and psychological abuse. Recognizing these subtle signs is crucial for early intervention. Here are some warning signs that a hairstylist (or anyone) might observe:

• Sudden Schedule Changes: Frequent cancellations or rescheduling of appointments, especially if explained by a controlling partner. A partner that insists on booking or changing appointment.
• Isolation from Friends and Family: A client who gradually stops talking about or seeing their friends and family, or mentions that their partner discourages them from doing so.
• Controlling Behavior: A partner who constantly calls, texts, or shows up unexpectedly at the salon. A partner that monitors their significant other's social media or phone usage.
• Low Self-Esteem: A client who constantly puts themselves down, apologizes excessively, or expresses feelings of worthlessness.
• Fear or Anxiety: A client who seems nervous or afraid when talking about their partner, or who constantly checks in with their partner during the appointment.
• Love-Bombing: Over-the-top displays of affection or gifts, followed by periods of intense criticism or control.
• Financial Control: A client who mentions that their partner controls all the finances and gives them a strict allowance, or prevents them from working or accessing money.
• Minimizing or Denying Abuse: A client who makes excuses for their partner's behavior or denies that anything is wrong, even when there are clear signs of abuse.
• Physical Signs: Unexplained bruises, cuts, or other injuries, especially if the client is evasive about how they occurred. Be aware that clients may cover the bruising with makeup.
• Changes in Demeanor: A noticeable shift in the client's personality, such as becoming withdrawn, anxious, or depressed.

It's important to remember that these signs don't necessarily indicate domestic violence, but they should raise a red flag and prompt further observation and careful conversation.

How to Approach the Situation with Care and Without Judgement

Approaching a client who you suspect is experiencing domestic violence requires sensitivity, empathy, and a non-judgmental attitude. Here are some tips on how to approach the situation with care:

• Create a Safe Space: Choose a private moment when you can speak with the client alone, away from other clients and staff.
• Express Concern: Start by expressing your concern for the client's well-being. For example, you could say, "I've noticed you seem a little down lately, and I wanted to check in on you."
• Listen Actively: Let the client do the talking. Listen attentively and without interruption, and validate their feelings.
• Avoid Judgment: Do not judge the client or their relationship. Remember that leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly difficult and dangerous.
• Offer Support: Let the client know that you are there for them and that they are not alone. Offer to listen without judgment and provide resources if they are interested.
• Use "I" Statements: Frame your concerns using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, "I'm concerned about you because I've noticed..." rather than "You seem to be in an abusive relationship."
• Respect Their Decisions: Ultimately, the decision to seek help or leave the relationship is the client's. Respect their choices and continue to offer support without pressure.

It is crucial to avoid giving advice or telling the client what to do. Instead, focus on providing a listening ear and connecting them with resources that can help them make informed decisions.

The Importance of Boundaries: Stylists as Guides, Not Therapists

While hairstylists can play a vital role in supporting clients who are experiencing domestic violence, it's essential to recognize and respect professional boundaries. Stylists are not therapists or counselors, and they should not attempt to provide therapy or solve their clients' problems. It's important to stay in your scope of practice, and recognize when you are not qualified to handle certain complex needs.

The role of a hairstylist in this context is to be a trusted, supportive listener who can offer resources and referrals to professional services. Here are some guidelines for maintaining healthy boundaries:

• Avoid Giving Advice: Instead of telling the client what to do, focus on providing information and resources that can help them make informed decisions.
• Don't Take on Their Problems: It's important to be empathetic, but don't let the client's problems consume you. Remember to take care of your own mental and emotional well-being.
• Refer to Professionals: If the client needs professional help, refer them to a therapist, counselor, or domestic violence advocate.
• Set Time Limits: Be mindful of the time you spend discussing personal issues with clients. While it's important to be supportive, you also need to balance your professional responsibilities.
• Maintain Confidentiality: Respect the client's privacy and do not share their personal information with others without their consent.

By setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, stylists can provide valuable support to clients without compromising their own well-being or overstepping their professional role.

Shear Haven's Impact: Reaching a Global Audience

Shear Haven's impact has been nothing short of remarkable. Since its inception, the organization has trained over 160,000 learners across 100+ countries. This widespread reach is due in part to Shear Haven's partnership with Barbicide, which allows the training to be offered online and accessible to beauty professionals around the world. The training is currently available in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese, making it accessible to a diverse audience.

The online format of the Shear Haven training has been particularly effective in reaching stylists who may not have access to in-person training. It allows them to learn at their own pace and on their own schedule. The training is also easily shareable, allowing stylists to encourage their colleagues and friends to get trained as well.

The impact of Shear Haven's training extends beyond individual stylists. By creating a network of trained professionals, Shear Haven is fostering a culture of awareness and support within the beauty industry. This can help to break the silence surrounding domestic violence and create a safer environment for clients to seek help.

Policy Wins and Teen Advocacy: Expanding the Reach

Shear Haven's impact extends beyond individual training sessions. The organization has also been instrumental in advocating for policy changes that support domestic violence awareness and prevention. In Tennessee, Shear Haven successfully advocated for a law that keeps the domestic violence training free, fast, and accessible for beauty professionals. This ensures that stylists have access to the resources they need to make a difference.

Shear Haven is also working to expand its reach through teen-led advocacy. By partnering with organizations like Burd Beauty, Shear Haven is engaging young people in the fight against teen dating violence. Burd Beauty bottles feature a QR code that links directly to the Shear Haven training, making it easy for teens to learn about the signs of abuse and how to get help. This innovative approach is helping to spark conversations about teen dating violence and empower young people to take action.

By working with policymakers and engaging young people, Shear Haven is creating a multi-faceted approach to domestic violence prevention that is both effective and sustainable.

Resources and How to Get Help

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone and there is help available. Here are some resources that can provide support and assistance:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788
• The Hotline: thehotline.org
• Shear Haven: shearhaventraining.org
• Local Domestic Violence Shelters and Advocacy Organizations: Contact your local YWCA or search online for domestic violence resources in your area.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. Don't hesitate to reach out for assistance.

Conclusion: Empowering Conversations, Changing Lives

As explored in this blog post and in the latest podcast episode, the power of a simple conversation can be transformative. By equipping hairstylists and other beauty professionals with the knowledge and resources they need to recognize the signs of domestic violence, we can create a network of support that reaches into communities around the world. The Shear Haven initiative is a testament to the impact that one person's vision can have on countless lives.

You are encouraged to share this information with your friends, family, and colleagues, and to consider taking the Shear Haven training yourself. By working together, we can create a world where everyone feels safe, supported, and empowered to live their lives free from violence. Let's continue the conversation and work towards changing lives.