June 3, 2025
71-Rainbow Shadows: When Home Isn't Safe for LGBTQ+ DV Survivors
Happy Pride Month, Warriors. This episode takes you on a powerful journey through LGBTQ+ history in America while exploring a critical issue often overlooked amid the celebrations: the alarmingly high rates of domestic violence affecting queer communities.
From New York's 1966 laws prohibiting alcohol service to gay patrons to the watershed moment of the Stonewall uprising, I trace how systemic discrimination created environments where LGBTQ+ individuals were criminalized simply for existing. Understanding this history provides crucial context for grasping why domestic violence poses unique challenges for queer survivors today. When society has already taught you that you're unwelcome, where do you turn when the person who promised to love you becomes your greatest threat?
The statistics are sobering: 61.1% of bisexual women and 43.8% of lesbian women experience intimate partner violence—significantly higher than rates among heterosexual women. Yet fewer than 5% of LGBTQ+ survivors seek protective orders. Why? Because they face distinctive barriers: threats of being outed, histories of trauma from discrimination, and systems that often fail to understand or accommodate their needs. For many, seeking help means risking further harm, creating a dangerous silence we must collectively break.
This Pride Month, I'm dedicating this podcast to amplifying LGBTQ+ survivors' voices. If you have a story to share—publicly or anonymously—please reach out at 1in3podcast@gmail.com. Your experiences matter, and together, we can create spaces where healing is possible for everyone, regardless of who they love or how they identify.
Sources:
https://www.history.com/articles/pride-month
https://www.loc.gov/item/today-in-history/june-28/
https://www.history.com/articles/the-stonewall-riots
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
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Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
00:46 - Welcome & Pride Month Introduction
01:37 - LGBTQ+ Legal History in America
03:17 - The Stonewall Uprising Explained
06:47 - Marriage Equality & Remembering Violence
08:49 - LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Statistics
11:19 - Closing Remarks & Call for Stories
WEBVTT
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Hi Warriors, welcome to 1 in 3.
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I'm your host, ingrid, and happy Pride Month.
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Buckle up, because today I'm taking you on a brief but powerful journey through LGBTQ plus history in the United States.
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Did you know that back in 1966, it was actually illegal in New York to serve alcohol to anyone perceived to be gay?
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That law gave authorities broad power to harass queer people and shut down bars that served as safe spaces for the community.
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A few years later, in 1962, Illinois became the first state to decriminalize homosexuality by repealing its sodomy laws.
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A quiet, but crucial step forward.
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A quiet but crucial step forward.
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On June 28, 1970, what we now recognize as the very first Pride Parade took place.
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Thousands of activists marched through Manhattan to mark the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising a pivotal moment.
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I'll get to in just a bit.
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What started as a defiant act of remembrance has blossomed into a month-long celebration of identity, resilience and community.
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In the United States, june became nationally recognized as Pride Month in the year 2000, when President Bill Clinton officially declared it Gay and Lesbian Pride Month.
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Then, in 2009, president Barack Obama expanded the recognition, proclaiming June as Lesbian, gay, bisexual and Transgender Pride Month, honoring the full spectrum of the LGBTQ identities.
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It's important to note not every country celebrates Pride in June.
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Some nations mark it at different times of the year and in many places the fight for visibility and rights is still ongoing.
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But here in the United States, june is a time to reflect, uplift and celebrate the progress made and recommit to the work still ahead.
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As I mentioned earlier, up until 1966, it was illegal in New York to serve alcohol to anyone identifying as homosexual.
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But even after the law was overturned, same-sex relationships were still criminalized.
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Just to be clear, acts like kissing, holding hands or even dancing with someone of the same sex could get you arrested.
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So police found other ways to continue harassing patrons of gay bars and clubs, often through routine and violent raids.
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One of those clubs was the Stonewall Inn, a mafia-owned, well-known gay bar located in New York City's Greenwich Village, quick rundown on the Stonewall.
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It was owned by the Genovese crime family, who regularly paid off the police to look the other way.
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The place itself often filthy and frequently overflowing, and still it was a refuge.
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Stonewall was one of the only clubs that welcomed drag queens, transgender people, homeless queer youth and allowed same-sex dancing.
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For many in the LGBTQ plus community, it was one of the few places they could be themselves.
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With use of their bribes to law enforcement, the owners of the Stonewall Inn were usually tipped off before a police raid.
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That heads up gave them just enough time to stash the alcohol sold without a license and shut down any other illegal activity going on inside.
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And shut down any other illegal activity going on inside.
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But in the early hours of June 28, 1969, just after 1 am, that warning never came.
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Police entered the bar with a warrant and wasted no time roughing up the patrons.
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Thirteen people were arrested, charged with bootlegging alcohol and violating what was known as the three-article rule.
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Oh, I haven't told you about that one yet.
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At the time it was considered illegal, even though there wasn't any actual law, for a person not to wear at least three pieces of clothing that aligned with their birth assigned gender.
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It was one of the many ways queer and trans people were criminalized just for existing were criminalized just for existing.
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During the arrests, a lesbian was struck over the head by an officer as he tried to force her into a police van.
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She called out for help and the crowd nearly 400 strong answered.
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Usually, when bars were raided, people scattered, but this night was different.
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This time the crowd fought back, throwing coins, bottles, bricks, anything they could find.
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The police were pushed back into the bar and ended up barricading themselves inside.
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Reinforcements were called, but before they could arrive, the barricade was broken and someone set the bar on fire.
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Firefighters and police eventually showed up in time to extinguish the flames.
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By around 4 am, the crowd began to disperse, but the fight wasn't over.
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That very evening, thousands of people returned to protest the ongoing mistreatment of the LGBTQ community.
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The rebellion continued for five nights, becoming a turning point in queer liberation history.
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Now let's fast forward back to the year 2000, when Vermont broke new ground by becoming the first state to legalize civil unions and recognize registered partnerships between same-sex couples.
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Then came a major milestone in 2004.
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Massachusetts became the first state to fully recognize same-sex marriage and finally, in 2015, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v Hodges, making marriage equality the law of the land in all 50 states.
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While pride is a time for celebration, it's also a time of remembrance.
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We can't forget the discrimination, violence and hate the LGBTQ plus community has faced and still faces.
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There was the brutal torture and murder of college student Matthew Shepard in 1998, the devastating Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando in 2016 that claimed 49 lives, and the Club Q shooting in Colorado Springs in 2022, another sanctuary violated.
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These are just a few of the most publicized tragedies, but the truth is there are countless more stories less covered but just as painful.
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The LGBTQ plus community has endured judgment.
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The LGBTQ plus community has endured judgment, rejection and systemic harm from neighbors, schools, the legal systems, politicians and society at large.
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So why am I bringing this up?
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This is a domestic violence podcast, after all, because I want you to imagine what it's like to walk through the world every day believing that it hates you, and then, when you finally make it home seeking refuge, you're met by someone even more dangerous the person who promised to love you.
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For many, that's not a metaphor, it's reality.
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Now let me get into some specific facts about the LGBTQ plus community and domestic violence.
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According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, intimate partner violence, or IPV, impacts LGBTQ plus individuals at alarmingly high rates.
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Plus individuals at alarmingly high rates, 43.8% of lesbian women and a staggering 61.1% of bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner.
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That's compared to 35% of heterosexual women.
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Among men, 26% of gay men and 37.3% of bisexual men report similar experiences compared to 29% of heterosexual men.
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Yet, despite these high numbers, fewer than 5% of LGBTQ plus survivors in 2012 attempted to obtain protective orders.
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So why aren't more survivors seeking help?
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Because, while the abusive tactics may be similar across all relationships, lgbtq plus survivors face unique barriers.
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One of the most devastating is the threat of being outed by an abuser to family, co-workers or the public.
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For many, that threat alone is enough to keep them silent.
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Add to that a history of trauma, bullying, discrimination, hate crimes, and it's easy to see why asking for help can feel impossible.
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Imagine being gaslit not just by your partner, but by society itself, being told you're unstable, immoral or a monster.
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How do you trust your own reality?
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How do you trust that anyone will believe you?
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And for transgender victims, the risks are even higher.
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They're more likely to face harassment, intimidation and threats, not just from partners, but sometimes from the very systems meant to protect them.
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Prejudice, misinformation and a lack of LGBTQ plus understanding still shape how these cases are handled.
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And then there's the practical side Few, fewer shelters and fewer resources that are truly LGBTQ plus friendly.
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All of this creates a dangerous silence, one we need to break together.
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In honor of the LGBTQ plus community.
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I'm dedicating as many episodes as possible this month to sharing stories from LGBTQ Plus survivors of domestic violence.
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If you or someone you know has experienced domestic violence in an LGBTQ Plus relationship and would like to share your story publicly or anonymously, please email me at onein3podcast at gmailcom.
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That's the number 1-I-N the number 3, podcast at gmailcom.
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Your voices matter and your privacy will always be respected.
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Let's stand together, amplify each other and make space for healing.
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Thank you for listening.
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Sources for today's episode can be found in the show notes.
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I will be back next week with another episode for you.
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Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone.
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Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website 1in3podcastcom.
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That's the number 1-I-N-3podcastcom.
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Follow 1in3 on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at 1in3podcast.
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To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe.
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1in3 is a .5 Pinoy production Music written and performed by Tim Crow.
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