Faith After Domestic Violence: Healing, Forgiveness & Finding Peace with Rita Cartwright | Ep. 120

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Hi Warriors, welcome to One and Three. I'm your host, Ingrid. Today's episode is one I've been wanting to do for years, but I knew I needed to find the right person to have a conversation with. My guest, Rita, joins me to speak about how her faith in God has helped guide her healing after surviving domestic abuse, infidelity, and the

Welcome And Meet Rita

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loss of close loved ones. Now, whether you identify as a Christian or not, I truly believe this conversation will speak to most of you. In a world that can feel so overwhelmingly dark at times, my hope is that this episode brings even just a little bit of light. Here's Rita. Rita, Rita, thank you so much for joining me and welcome to One in Three. Thank you for having me, Ingrid. I am so glad to be here. It is quite a blessing to be able to share with you today and with your viewing audience. And I'm going to share a little background with the audience that it's a blessing that we're both here at the same time because I've had to reschedule a few times and then there's a case of lost links, but we've made it. We are here. And this is going to be such a good conversation. But before we get into all of that, could you just share whatever background you want to share with us? I am an entrepreneur uh for since 2002. And that is as a result of being fired. I don't get fired, you all. I am a good employee. And so um

Fired Into Entrepreneurship

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I pound the pavement. I had a new degree in marketing. However, when I graduated from Arizona State University, um, I was 45 years old. And so, as some of you know, that at that age you're gonna face some opposition. And so here I was, an older black female trying to get another job. And by the way, it was Sears who fired me, you all. Okay, we're boy, we're boycotting Sears. We're boycotting Sears. And so that's how I ended up being an entrepreneur because I couldn't find another job. And I heard God say, launch your own business because you will not fire yourself. And so that is this backdrop, the backstory of how I became an entrepreneur. And a little bit more on the entrepreneur side, being that I launched my business in 2002, that was when virtual assistant was coming on the scene. And it wasn't really a respected industry. And so there was some pushback. I know we do a lot of online work now, but back then it was like just crossing over, where we were just grind uh gaining ground and and recognition and respect for for being an online entrepreneur. So I just threw that in there. So it was it was sort of rough beginnings, but anyways, God has blessed me to keep the doors open. Um, what is it be? 24 years, October 1. And I am also an author. This is my first book, How to Heal Your Broken Heart. And I am also a speaker. And Ingrid, if you allow me a little bit later to give an overview of my book, I would love that. I love you too. Yes. And I uh, as I said, I'm also a speaker. Um, I work for my church, I volunteer for my church, I am the director of media ministry, so I operate the live stream broadcast over there. I am very much into technology and when it works, I love it. I am also a mom, a grandmother, and a great grandmother. I have nine grandchildren and sixteen great-grandchildren, and I am getting ready to be a great great grandma. I know. Oh my goodness, I know. I know. I just learned a couple of weeks ago. I was like, what? And so, yeah, this is my uh great-granddaughter. She's an adult. I was a young mom. Um, as I would discuss in my book, I was a teenage mother. Um I became a mom at 16 years old. And my mom and my grandmother helped me raise my son. And um, I discussed him in my book. And so when we come back to my book, I always share that story. And so, by being a young mom, I am a young great-great-grandma. And so that is the backstory of me. I am pretty busy. I have two businesses, um, RJ's Digital Solutions. That is the one that I launched in 2002. In 2019, I launched a nonprofit business called Go Beyond the Limit. And it is

Tech Ministry And Big Family

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an organization which teaches survivors, women survivors of domestic violence how to become online entrepreneurs. I am a survivor, as I discussed in my book. I am a survivor. I dealt with domestic violence uh in two consecutive relationships, as I discussed in my book, at the risk of repeating myself. And so God used my background, um, my experience, I should say, um, with domestic violence and my years of entrepreneurship experience and meshed them together and gave me this vision of go beyond the limit. And I named my school um School of Rebirth, because our ladies are are at a stage of rebirthing, um, starting over again, beginning new beginnings. And so this is uh go beyond the limit is a passion of mine. And like I said, I launched it in 2019. And if anyone interviewing the audience, know any survivors who uh wish to become um entrepreneurs, um please send them my way. Go to our website, go beyond the limit, and contact us that way, send us uh, fill out the contact information. Our online classes are free, they're free to the students. And so, yes, this this is a um an organization, um, a mission that's very close to my heart. Um I am called to empower the downtrodden women, and so and and on the spiritual side,

School Of Rebirth For Survivors

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um my calling is based on Luke 4 and 18, where is Jesus is talking about the spirit of the Lord has come up on me and he has anointed me to heal the brokenhearted. And so my book is a tool to aid these women in healing their broken hearts. So that's the background, that's my backstory. I would say I love it, but I know it had to be a tragic story to heal a broken heart, right? Um, so I actually kind of want to get into the book at the right away. Let's let's talk about what what was it that I guess what experiences led you to want to write a book and who you've already mentioned who some of your key audience would be in terms of who you would like to read and heal from or learn from the book. But what what led you to do it? Interesting question, Ingrid. About five months um after my husband passed, um I was we were married 24 years. So that was tragic. And after about five months, as I said, after he passed, I received a prophecy from a prophet who said, I see you writing a book, and this book will help hurting, excuse me, hurting women to heal. And my first response was, but I don't like to write. That's what I told the prophet. I'm arguing with the prophet, you know, prophets or mouthpieces of God, right? I'm always debating with God. You sure?

Why She Wrote The Book

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I'm always debating with God, like here she is again, and so lo and behold, this book is a result of a prophecy. So this is why I wrote the book. And about 20 years prior to that, I had sketched out some of my stories because my late husband told me, um, it was around 2000, 2002, he said, you should write a book. He thought my story was my life was interesting enough to write a book. And so I started writing and I put it on the shelf. I said, I I I have I don't I don't see a need for this. And fortunately, I had started on that manuscript because that was like, you know, some of the stories involved, it's like 50 years ago. Of course, my husband was six years ago, and then I lost my oldest son a year later. And so that's almost um four years ago, that was in 22. And so, anyways, um the my husband was sick a year and a half, and that's why I say I lost him six years ago. Because when the paramedics came and picked him, I'm I I know I'm veering off, but I want to go back to why I say five and six. Um, when my husband became sick, um, that was last month. It was um April, April 30th, marked uh six years ago, and the paramedics never brought him back home. So I share that in my book. And so, anyways, um a year and a half later, that is when he passed. And so on paper in black and white, it's five years ago. But I lost my husband six years ago when the paramedics took him away from here, and he never came back home. And so, back to why I wrote the book, I had already started on the manuscript, and like I said, some of the stories involved when I was in my 20s. I would be 72 next month. So that so I'm glad I wrote it when my husband suggested it. And so when the prophets said it, I pulled their manuscript off the shelf, dusted it off, and put the finishing touches on it. And I also share in my book uh my experience with infidelity. And the third story is the loss of precious loved ones, which involves my husband and an older brother and my son, all within a year span of time. And but when my husband suggested I write the book, um, back in the early 2000s, I did I didn't I wasn't walking with God like I am now. And when I put the book together, he gave me eight biblical principles, which I include in my book. I share my story first, my three stories on domestic violence, infidelity, and the loss of precious loved ones. And then I included the eight biblical principles after that. And so an example of some of the principles is spending time with God, um, reading his word daily, um, spend time in prayer daily, uh, praise God for your healing even before you see it, because it's that's a sign of your faith that you believe he's going to heal you. Um partake of communion. Communion is not only a um remembering Jesus' finished work, it it also has healing virtue, healing power to it. And in my book, I teach on how to partake of holy communion in a way that for healing, for healing. And so that is what my book consists of, those three stories, and there are stories within stories, because um in the section on domestic violence, um uh one of my other children, my middle son, was injured. And so there are stories within stories, and he ended up with um brain damage, and he's 53 now, and the left side of his brain is damaged. And so I go into his story as well, um, what the doctor said and blah blah blah, and versus now. And so all of that's in my book. I don't want to share it all in case anyone wants to buy my book, and so God said that he's going to use my book as a tool to heal women, his daughters who have broken hearts. And so, to answer your question, the book is as a result of a prophecy. And I when I do my speaking engagements, um, I talk on domestic violence, and I talk to churches as well, because my publisher and I um discovered that uh because it was her idea. She said, I hear God say you should speak on this. And it was like I started speaking last year at 71 years old. I'm like, God, here I am debating with God again. God, you want me to start a new career now, in addition to everything else I'm already doing? Okay. Send me, I'll go. So, anyways, um, so when

Abuse Hidden In Church Spaces

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we were put into speaking package together, we discovered that one in four church goers are involved in some type of abusive relationship. So I've been speaking to churches, um, then different organizations that, you know, deal with domestic violence awareness. Um, but my target audience to speak are to the churches, um, because this is a topic, one of those type of topics that the old school churches swept under the rug. And God wants it, confront it, bring it out to the public so it can be dealt with and done away with. So, yes. Did I answer your question? You sure did. That was such a great answer. Okay, and and there's so many things. Okay, one, I had no idea those statistics of one in four churchgoers. Now, personally, personally, I know a young lady that we went to the same church, and the old school mothers of the church would say, stay there. She was in an abusive relationship. So they told this young lady to stay in the relationship, and she did, but finally she got enough courage to leave. But I'm just saying how back in the day where they expected you to stay regardless. And so, but now, Ingrid, it is still happening, and some of the guilty party are the church leaders. I hate to say it. And you know, um, a lot of them haven't accepted my invitation. Well, some of them haven't accepted my invitation to come speak to their congregation. And so my daughter and I was speaking on it, speaking about that, and she said, Mom, they probably are the perps. You need to uh target the the women who are pastors of their churches rather than those men. So, yes, those are sad for truthful stats. One in four church goes are involved or is involved in some type of, it may not be violent, domestic, but some type of abuse. It could be emotional, verbal. Abuse is abuse. Agreed. I I believe those statistics because a great place for abusers to hide is the church. That's that's incredible though. I had not heard that before. One thing I wanted to ask you because you you've suffered such tragedy throughout your life. I mean, the the domestic violence, infidelity, and the loss of husband, son, brother, all so closely and mother. And mother, goodness. So she was first. Oh gosh. And and first of all, my condolences on on those losses. But but go ahead. Ingrid, may I interrupt you for a minute? Yes, please do. I just want to honor God for my healing because you all have heard. I'm talking to the to the viewing audience, you all have heard uh uh a piece of my background and the the trauma and and the drama and that I have gone through, which was quite traumatic, but I stand before you, I sit before you, a healed woman, because of the biblical principles that I apply to my life. It is written, God sent his word and it healed them. I don't know how to tell anyone how to heal if they don't don't include God in the mix. And that's I just want to share that I am healed

Faith When Life Feels Cruel

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today. God did that. Yes. So my question, one of my questions, one of my many questions that are spinning around in my mind. You take one of those tragedies that you have gone through, and an individual will perhaps question their faith as they go through that piece of their life. And this this podcast has a variety of listeners. There are people who are are currently living some form of abuse, whether it be from a partner, a parent, perhaps a child, um, or perhaps they've survived some sort of abuse as well. And a question that I have been asked, because I I have a strong faith in God. And part of my story is my abuse did escalate to physical violence. So at one point, my abuser was asking me, where is your God now? And you should start praying to your God now. And I, for split second, that moment, I was I thought, we're, oh my gosh, you're right. But then the next split second, I just felt calm. And so I've had people ask me, How can I still remain faithful? To God when there is so much tragedy in the world and so much hurt. And I've had, you know, I've I've heard it, I was, I will say the abuse of parent to child or other family member to child or teacher to child or whatever, whatever abuse it is of an adult to a child seems to be not that all other abuse is not horrific, but that holds its own special place of horror and and sadness. And those individuals who most of them are parents or other loved ones of those children, they truly question is there a God that exists in a world where there are monsters that can do this to children? And if so, why doesn't God step in? And so I applaud your faith, I applaud my faith. It's it's sometimes it's difficult to remain steadfast in your faith. Uh and I feel that there are people listening right now who are questioning themselves what is happening and why is this allowed to happen. I don't know if I have a question in there. There is a question in there. If you can find it. Okay, yes, please. Well, this is where learning the word of God is vital. Because when you know the word of God, you will recognize why. And I I I am a teacher of the Bible. God called me to be a teacher. That's one of the gifts he gave me. I am a teacher, and you will learn in the Bible that different situations happen. You will learn in the Bible how God will bring you through that situation. You will learn in the Bible the reason that God doesn't step in. And the reason God doesn't step in is because God has given all of us free will. And this is the choice that man makes. God would love to step in and interrupt that, but then he wouldn't be God because he gave man that free choice. God doesn't like that. He appalls that. They were learned that. This other person is not that. Why am I healed? And this person is not. Um when children are being abused. Jesus said, You, you, I'm paraphrasing, you you mess with my little ones. It's like hanging a mealstone around your neck and jumping into the lake or the sea or high, whatever. They will pay. However, there's also an evil force in the world, and that evil force includes lying to us to distract us away from what God has for us and cause people to question where is your God? God, it is written, God is with us 24-7. He's with us 24-7. It's just like when you were going through that experience when the person asked you, where's your God? At first, you felt one emotion, and then you became calm. God was with you, offering you that calmness, that peace, and that escape. Things will happen to us. It is written, Jesus said, I believe it's John 16 and 33. In this world you are how trials and tribulations. You got to read the word to know what it says. He tells us, in this world you will have trials and tribulations. But cheer up, don't worry about that. I'm paraphrasing y'all. Don't sweat that. Jesus said, I got this, but you got to let me handle it. So that is that's a long response to anybody standing on the corner asking you a question, you telling them all of this. It's in the word. The word, the Bible, its acronym. This is me. This is Rita. Basic instructions before leaving earth. That's the Bible. B-I-B-L-E. Basic instructions before leaving earth. Jesus told us, and I believe in Matthew 24, he told us the signs that will happen before he comes back and get us. Those signs of happening now are being manifested now. But if you don't know the word, you won't recognize the signs. Going through what I went through, I already had a relationship with God, but it brought me closer to God, obviously. Because the more time you spend with God, you're spending time, Jesus is a healer. He is the healer. That's in Isaiah 53, how it talks about how he took the stripes that beat down for our healing. So when you spend a time in the Word, you spend a time with the healer. And so when you spend time with God, you get more than just healing because it also is written, yo God, I'm teaching. This is also written. This is why you're here. And it's also written in Hebrews that his word is alive and active. The word will change you from the inside out. The word will give you wisdom. When you learn the word, you will recognize. You will have the discernment between good and evil. And when these things happen, you say, oh, I get it. I see what's happening. And people don't realize, Ingrid. Jesus also told us, oh, is it in Mark or Luke? Because it's in both areas where it's talking about the authority that he's given us. He's given us the authority to fight against Satan. But like our Father God says, I'm offering it to you, but you have to take it. I'm not going to force you to take it. It's the free will of men. It's the free will of man. Why these things happen. God can't stop, can't step in, excuse me. He can't step in and change it. Because then he wouldn't be God. He doesn't like it. He called, in fact, he called death. He doesn't like death. He called death an enemy. He told Jesus, death would be the last enemy I put under your feet. Did y'all hear what he said? He called death an enemy. He does not like death. These are the things we go through in life. But if you receive what God has for you, you will get through it. You can, we can do all things through Christ Jesus. That's written to y'all. Okay, so you have to receive it, but what how do you get past that anger, that disappointment that you are feeling in the midst of what is happening to you or to your loved one or around you? How do you get past that to be able to pick up the Bible and read it or hear the word and let and receive that? Yeah. Like you're saying. That is a very good question. That is a very good question. Um and I really don't I can't I can't really say that I have an answer for that because I believe that is the responsibility of those of us who are in the right position with God, is when we see that and when we recognize that,

Getting Past Anger With Prayer

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that we pray for that. And when we pray, excuse me, for that particular person or persons in general, because we can pray in general, you all, for anyone who just may be going through that relation, that type of relationship or scenario. It is also written there the harvest is ready to be harvested. I'm paraphrasing, but the laborers are few. There are laborers that God will use to place in a person's path, and he will use that person to encourage that person to pick up the Bible, to read the Bible, and he makes it so convenient for us now. I rely on the UVersion app. I have my grandma's paper Bible, but it's on the shelf. I use the UVersion app right on the phone. He makes it so easy for us. And so it is up to us who have faith and who believe in prayer and who has a relationship with God, who are in right standing with God because they have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior to pray for those people. That's our responsibility. And God will place a laborer, a person. He will strategically place a person in that person's life that would lead them. That's why we who know the gospel, it's our responsibility to share the gospel so someone in that position hears us. We have the responsibility to share that. Because if we don't share it, how would they know? If we don't pray for them, how would they be in a position to be led to their path? Because we all have paths and we all get off our path. But through prayer, through somebody, I am the result of my mom and grandma's prayers. Come on, y'all. I was dropping it like it's hot. I'm just saying. Somebody prayed for me. I'm just saying, this is a result of prayer, y'all. Some of the stories I'm taking to the grave with me. You don't get you don't get to be a great, great grandmother without a lot of prayer behind you, right? So that is a very excellent question, Ingrid, because it is on us to pray for these people. Okay, so people who who have been raised religiously in in Christianity, they understand what prayer can or cannot look like. I don't know that there is a cannot, to be honest, with what prayer should or shouldn't be. But someone who may not know how to pray or has maybe never spoken to God, or has been a really, really long time since it's happened. Is there a right way or a wrong way to pray? Is there anything that you're supposed to? Uh I was not raised Catholic. My mother was raised Catholic, so they have their specific prayers that they're supposed to do. Is there any rules in regards to when you're trying to have a conversation with God? Well, prayer is an actual conversation, and it doesn't take a certain posture, a certain place, you know, like on your knees or a certain time of the day. I will tell y'all, I pray while sitting on the toilet. Rita, I'm

How To Pray Without Rules

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loving this episode more and more. I'm just saying. I've had some good prayer sessions on the toilet doll. I'm just saying. God doesn't care, it's just a conversation. But Jesus taught us the outline, so to speak, the order. And this is not like, you know, written in stone, you know, because anything written in stone is like going back to the law. You know what I'm saying? And we won't get into the law versus grace thing. But we can't do it because it's said to be is habitual or we feel guilty. We can't do that. And so there's a certain order. And if you get out of this order, that's what I'm saying. If you get things out of order, God doesn't care. All he cares is that you come and talk to him. That's all he cares about. And he will talk to you. And that's why it's vital that the person establish a relationship with God so they can recognize his voice. But to answer your question, the the Lord's Prayer, Jesus taught us, the order is you honor God first for who he is and what he is. And then you thank him for something. You have something to be grateful for. You thank him before you ask him. And so that that is the general order. But it is if like, for instance, I have heard people testify about that they're like right at the point of getting in a car accident, and all they have time to say is Jesus. And they're saved from that accident. So you see what I'm saying? Now the law would say you gotta honor God first, you gotta thank him first, you gotta, you see what I'm saying? Now, Jesus gave us the order. But my point is, don't beat yourself up if you have to run to God and ask for something right away without going through the process of honoring him, recognizing him. You see what I'm saying? Thanking him. He doesn't care about that, but that is the general outline. Honor God for who he is, what he's about, because he he is, oh my God, and we want to get it and get into that part. Who he is, who he is, and thank him. You the the people who God are even going through situations, horrific situations, have something to thank him for. It is written to thank God in all situations. He didn't say good situations, he said all situations. And it's also written, Romans 8.28, where he will work all things together for our good and for his glory. And when he said all things, he didn't say just good things. I heard someone talk about the scenario, not scenario, um, what's the word I'm looking for? I can't think of it, but anyway, they use analogy. Thank you, Holy Spirit. They use the cake as an analogy. Think think about a cake that you make from scratch, homemade, and the different ingredients that go in that cake. Think about those individual ingredients. Are they tasty? Do they taste good? Oh no. Vanilla smells so good, it does not taste good. Have you accidentally tasted vanilla? I purposely tasted it because I still think it's surely it tastes good. It smells so good. No, it doesn't. Eggs. Ooh, you know. I mean, you know, milk, okay, if you like milk, you know, and sugar, all right, maybe a little bit. But think about that. The individual ingredients that go in a cake, they are not good. However, all of those ingredients mixed together, even before the cake bakes. The bowl is good. Lick spoons, the mix of spoons, all over this cake. Yes, me. You see how you work it all together, and they come out to this delicious cake. Even if it's a basic cake, it tastes better together than an individual ingredients. So I like that analogy of a cake. And so, yes, I don't know if I answered your question or not, but that is the outline, the general outline of prayer. But God only cares about that you take out time to spend with him, and he is worthy of that. He does, it doesn't have to be a certain amount of time. He doesn't care. God is with us all the time, 24-7, whether we recognize that or not, he's there with us and available for us. His spirit, one of the in the amplified version, when it's talking about Holy Spirit, the attributes of Holy Spirit, um, one of the attributes is standby. And that simply means if if it wasn't covered in the other attributes, you know, description, describing his character, his characteristics, it also said, you know, it's say he's a comforter, um, strengthener, and all of that. And then it says he's a standby. And what that means is he's standing by for whatever we need. He's right there for us to ask for it. And we will receive it if it agrees with the will of God, because God knows what's best for us. We may think we want that, because if there's some guys, it'd be like, God, I thank you that you've got that person out of my life. Hallelujah. So we have to wait on God, but that to answer your question. That is how you pray. And don't think about it like it's some ritual. It's a simple conversation. It's not like putting on some air or talking out loud or oh Lord. Come by here today. Do not pass me by. It's not that, y'all. Right. I mean, it's really however you I mean, if you want to do that. But he might be like, turn the volume down. It hurt my hurt my ears. Because it written, he speaks to us in a small, still voice. He doesn't yell. Right. And you know, now, and and and and one of the uh uh Holy Spirit just gave me a thought. If a person is trying to learn how to discern between good and evil, this is another reason why it is vital that you know the word of God. Because if a it's if if a situation is presented to you or a thought coming to your head, and we do have control of what we think, you all, I learned that from Joyce Meyer. If you have a bad thought coming to your head, and don't don't don't waddle in that, immediately start thinking about something positive. In the Bible, it tells us what to think on. And so if you know the word of God, you will recognize good and evil. And you will recognize when a situation, like I said, is presented to you, and you be like, ooh, is this God or is this Satan? If you know the word of God, you will know whether it's God or whether it's Satan, which way to go. So I just wanted to throw that out there. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Okay, well, I was going to say, you know, you have the the little outline, I suppose, of a prayer, but it's not like God is going to say, Oh, you didn't go in the right order, so I'm not going to listen to this one. That's an example of the law. Oh, how the priests and the Levites and the Sadducees and you know the Pharisees, they that's what they were. You didn't pray in the right order, so you out of here. Right. Right. And see, I like to look at God as God the Father, right? So he's a parent. So I think if I tell my kids, I'm in my room, my door is closed, you can always talk to me, but knock on the door before you come in. If they come barging in, Mom, I have to tell you something, I'm not going to say, get out of the room. You know, you have to, you didn't do it the proper way. I need you to take these steps first before I listen to you, they're bleeding or whatever. And like, no, you didn't ask me in the right steps. So I'm not going to listen to you this time. So yeah, I like that. Uh I like your your clarification of it. Here are the things that we want to include, but it doesn't have to be if you are a novice, a prior novice, you could just be like, hey, God. It's all because I talk like that. All right, God, you and me again. What what's the I do the same? I feel like, I mean, he knows what's in our minds, right? So if I'm if I'm saying, like, all right, I know I'm getting on your nerves with this one, but I can't let it go. I need I need you to say this a little more time. Yes. But but Ingrid, I do want to point out to the audience that you don't have to be in good standing. You don't have to be in good standing to come to God. I like an example that the that Joyce Myers used. Um, she was saying one of the one of their children um had behavior issues. And so they have to, you know, stay on his case, blah, blah, blah. And he had an outline of duties he was to complete, um, you know, task and things around the house. And and and she said, but when that child was like outside playing or something like that, and they hadn't completed their their list of things to do, and that child cried, Daddy, said, Daddy will run out of that house and go see what's up with that child. And so it said the same way with God. If you haven't, you feel like you you aren't worthy to talk to God, or you didn't do something that God told you to do, or you didn't complete A, B, and C. God doesn't care anything about that. So I'm just piggybacking back in on what you said, Ingrid. He's gonna come to our rescue. That's in Psalm 91. Mm-hmm. He said, I will rescue those who love me. And so, no, you don't have to be in good standing with God to pray, y'all. Right. So if you went through this part of your life, this horrible part of your life, and you sat there and you said, I hate you, God. I hate you. Look what you've done to me. I can't believe this, you know, and you live that that part of your life hating God, and then you you all of a sudden realize, no, I want God back. He's gonna, he's not going to say, No, you said you said you hated me. I'm not like we would. Like we would, right? That's right. That's right. I'm not listening. Right. Right. That's where forgiveness comes in, too, but that's another story. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. God doesn't hold that against us like that. And he also, if you want forgiveness, because I asked him, what's up with that? About, we all, I'm always doing sidebars. It was in 2 Chronicles 7 and 14, when God says, if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray, uh, turn from their wicked ways and seek my faith, then I will hear hear them from heaven and forgive them and heal the land. That's 2 Chronicles 7 and 14. I got on, I got stuck on the part. I'm talking about receiving what God has for you. I got stuck on the part where it said, then I will hear you from heaven and forgive you. And I'm like, but that's why Jesus died. I'm having a debate with God again, y'all. I said, but that's why Jesus died is for our forgiveness. So aren't we already forgiven? That's me. Because isn't that it, A Ingrid? Aren't we already forgiven? That's why Jesus died for our forgiveness of our sins and to redeem us from the curses of Satan. And so he said, Yes, I have forgiven you, but you have to receive it. Ah, it's all about receiving, yes. And so even if we get off track and we need to be forgiven for something, don't stay there wallowed in that. Although we've already been forgiven, we've already been forgiven. That's why it's there for our receiving. We have to receive it. Remember, God is a gentleman, He gave us free will, a choice. You either take it or leave it. So that answer, I thought, oh, because I'm wrestling with that. We have been forgiven, but you have to receive it. Even the person who likes the scenario you just used, if they say that they hated God all the day, they need to be really forgiven for that statement. But the but they is there, he's standing there with his hands open for you to receive it. He wants you to receive it. Okay, so here's a tough one. Okay. On the lines of forgiveness and not God forgiving us, because I think God is readily going to forgive us. Like you said, if we are willing to receive it, we're we're going to be forgiven. Not so easy for us to do. And I think

Forgiveness With Boundaries

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that is a big, that's a big hurdle for some. I will say myself included. A big hurdle. How do you forgive the person who has done the unmentionable to you, to your child, to your loved one? How do you, and do you have to? Do you have to? And how do you forgive that person monster? I feel like it's it's even it's so difficult to even classify some of these people and the the levels of abuse that they've inflicted as a person. It's just you you don't it just doesn't feel it's inhumane, some of these people. And believe it or not, they are God's creation too, and we ought to pray for that person. We ought to pray for our enemies. That that is written. Ingrid, we can't. We do not have it in us as a human being to forgive another person. However, with the grace of God, we can't. We can't. You say, how do you do it? We can't do it. It's with the grace of God. So unforgiveness is a big issue in the body of Christ. In the body of Christ, there's a lot of Christians who are harboring unforgiveness in their hearts. It is also written that if we I'm paraphrasing now, if we have unforgiveness in our hearts, it will hinder our prayers being answered. This is how important unforgiveness is to our God in heaven. We have to get to the point to ask God for the grace to forgive that person. In my story, in my story on infidelity, I talk about how my ex-husband um cheated on me and had a baby by the woman he was having an affair with. That's how we receive his forgiveness. This is how important unforgiveness is to God. Now that's that's in the Bible. That's Mark 16 around the 25th or the 26th verse, where Jesus talks about how we have the power and authority to tell a mountain, and a mountain represents whatever is coming against or whatever that whatever that mountain is in your life. We have the mountain the authority and the power to tell that mountain, you be lifted up and thrown into the sea. And that is like metaphorically, metaphor, you know, how you can you have the power to cause a situation to be lifted up out of your life. However, it tells us at the same time, it goes down in an in the next verse say if you if there's any unforgiveness, I'm I'm paraphrasing this that unforgiveness will block your ability uh to do this. We have to have the grace of God. I was able to forgive my ex-husband and the woman he had the affair with. When I see her, I give her a loving hug. And it's genuine, it's not fake, it's out of my heart. When I see him, I give him this if we had a child together, that's my daughter. That's my daughter that we have together. So I was able to forgive him. And when I truly was able to forgive him, it felt so good. It was like a burden had been lifted, a weight had been lifted off of my shoulder, off of my life. But we cannot forgive anybody. We need the grace of God to be able to do that. And so we pray for those people who are in a position where they need to forgive someone and they find it impossible. We pray that God will give them the grace, whoever they may be. We pray that God will give them the grace and the desire in their hearts to want to forgive the person because unforgiveness is a hindrance to our lives, to our blessings, to what God has for us. I know it seems like it's unfair, but life is unfair. And what did I say earlier? Jesus said, You will have trials and tribulations, but I have overcome that. But you got to turn to Jesus for that. I don't know any other way. So what about, okay, so you have to be in the position to receive forgiveness from God. What about the person who has inflicted whatever abuse on these individuals? What if that person thinks they've done no wrong? And if and they are willing to say, if I were put in that exact same situation, yes, absolutely, I would do it again, over and over and over again. And I don't want your forgiveness. I don't care what you think. I'm still going to continue to be this evil person. What how what are the expectations then? Is it still how do you give forgiveness if they're not willing to receive if you can't receive forgiveness if you're not willing to receive? Does that make sense? Yes. I went on twisty turvy here. No, no, no. Because when you forgive a person, just because I forgave my ex-husband, don't mean I hang out with him. He doesn't know I've forgiven him. We never discussed that. That was between me and God. Okay. That's on that person's part. We're only responsible for our own souls, but we ought to pray for the other people. Now, even the one who is the perp, believe it or not, we ought to pray for that person's soul. Because it is also written that God wished that no man perish, but everyone would come into knowing Jesus. I'm paraphrasing. He wants everyone, every living soul to receive Jesus. And we are to pray for even the person who done us wrong. We are to pray for their souls. Because it that is the easy discernment. Is that God ruling that person, or is that Satan ruling that person? That's an easy discernment. You don't have to wrestle with that. You know that is not of God. However, God wants that person's soul taken out of the kingdom of darkness and placed in his kingdom of light. Because that is his creation. That is his creation. Even certain politicians that we frown up on, we won't go there. That's another episode. It is written, we ought to pray for our leaders. So we be at peace. So don't be complaining, blah blah blah, talking about the president. You know what he's doing, he's doing a lot, you know. Some people agree with it, and some people don't. I'm in the don't agree with him and his politics. However, I am yet to pray for him and pray for his soul. When you said that about one of the persons who don't think they need forgiveness, he's one of the ones who said he hasn't done anything wrong that requires forgiveness. He's one of the ones who said that. Now, it's also written, we have all come short of the glory of God. In other words, we all have done something that needs forgiving. And so that that that right there is, but I still pray for him. I pray for his leadership, I pray for his health, and I pray for his soul that he truly received Jesus. And so if the to answer your question, we are not to wait on the person to ask us for forgiveness. It is our individual responsibility to God to forgive that person, or else our blessings will be hindered. And don't forgive the person just because your blessings are hindered. Forgive that person because God says so. Well, and I like how you said it's between you and God. You're not necessarily telling them that you forgive them. You're not saying everything that you did or they did was okay. But I like that it makes it a lot more palatable to think that that's something between you and God. You and God. Like my ex-husband doesn't know I have forgiven him. And believe you me, y'all, when my husband passed, here he is sending me text, trying to be all up in my Kool-Aid. I forgive him, but I'm not going there. Thank goodness. I'm not going there. But to forgive a person personally, I'ma share something personal. I won't give all the details. But my daughter experienced that. Um sexual abuse, molestation. I don't know the details because I I didn't want to know the details of one of my ex-husband's children, because he had children, I had children when we married. One of his sons molested my daughter, and that's her brother, in our home while we were gone to work. I never shared that with anyone else in public because that's her story to tell. She had to forgive her brother. I have to forgive him for what he did to my baby. That's a hard hill to swallow, yeah. Yeah. I took care of this child in my home.