WEBVTT
00:00:23.681 --> 00:00:25.788
Hi Warriors, welcome to 1 in 3.
00:00:25.788 --> 00:00:27.233
I'm your host, ingrid.
00:00:27.233 --> 00:00:31.847
Today I'm covering a topic I have been anticipating since beginning this podcast.
00:00:31.847 --> 00:00:36.540
Parental Alienation is a real and horrific nightmare for many.
00:00:36.540 --> 00:00:43.763
Pamela Richardson was courageous enough to document her personal experience in a book A Kidnapped Mind.
00:00:43.763 --> 00:00:49.280
Before you listen, please note this episode includes details of suicide.
00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:51.868
This is Pamela's story.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:07.432
It was nearing Christmas in 2000 in Vancouver, canada.
00:01:07.432 --> 00:01:16.783
Pamela Richardson was on her way home with her two youngest boys when the three noticed her oldest son, 16-year-old Dash, in the parking lot of a liquor store.
00:01:16.783 --> 00:01:19.512
He was smiling and talking with a friend.
00:01:19.512 --> 00:01:24.393
Her young boys asked her to stop so they could see their older half-brother.
00:01:24.393 --> 00:01:28.510
She declined, explaining it would be too dangerous with a snowy weather.
00:01:28.510 --> 00:01:32.897
Glancing again at her child, she slowly drove away.
00:01:32.897 --> 00:01:35.621
She later sent Dash a Christmas card.
00:01:35.682 --> 00:01:45.370
While she, her husband Dave and their two boys packed and made their annual trip to Whistler, dash's relationship with his father, peter, was finally cracking.
00:01:45.370 --> 00:01:57.870
On the exterior, the two always projected a strong, mutually loving and respectful bond, but lately, in his 180-pound man-sized frame, dash was defiant.
00:01:57.870 --> 00:02:03.263
He and Peter would often argue and even become physically aggressive with each other.
00:02:03.263 --> 00:02:08.001
Following these battles, dash would leave, spending days away.
00:02:08.001 --> 00:02:11.709
He would sleep in cars or crash at friends' houses.
00:02:11.709 --> 00:02:18.649
This became such a common occurrence Peter wouldn't bother looking for Dash until days following his absence.
00:02:18.649 --> 00:02:21.760
Christmas break was no exception.
00:02:21.760 --> 00:02:25.971
Following one of their notorious arguments, dash left the house.
00:02:25.971 --> 00:02:33.560
On New Year's Eve He went to a party and was noted to be sitting alone, sober and solemnly looking down at his lap.
00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:40.439
He told one kid I got nothing for Christmas, my dad kicked me out and I have nowhere to go.
00:02:40.439 --> 00:02:46.599
Dash and others left when police were called to kick out anyone who had not been invited.
00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:49.248
He eventually went home.
00:02:49.248 --> 00:02:54.485
The facts of what happened when Dash and Peter faced each other again that night are unknown.
00:02:54.485 --> 00:02:59.116
What is known is Peter had a black eye for days afterward.
00:02:59.137 --> 00:03:11.135
Dash left the house again sometime in the early hours wearing pajama bottoms, two pairs of sweatpants, a t-shirt, four shirts, a sweatshirt, a jacket and a purple toke.
00:03:11.135 --> 00:03:13.659
He walked along Granville Street Bridge.
00:03:13.659 --> 00:03:18.935
When he was above Granville Market, dash took off his toke and laid it down.
00:03:18.935 --> 00:03:22.966
He slowly climbed the handrail of the bridge.
00:03:22.966 --> 00:03:27.900
The 16-year-old boy opened his arms and threw himself off.
00:03:29.223 --> 00:03:33.376
Let's pause here for a moment and talk about Parental Alienation Syndrome.
00:03:33.376 --> 00:03:41.322
I need to begin by pointing out there is a slight difference between Parental Alienation Syndrome and Parental Alienation.
00:03:41.322 --> 00:03:48.641
Parental Alienation Syndrome as a syndrome takes on the belief it is a diagnosable condition.
00:03:48.641 --> 00:03:59.356
However, parental Alienation Syndrome is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, american Psychology Association and American Medical Association.
00:03:59.356 --> 00:04:10.586
Due to the lack of supporting evidence, it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or the International Classification of Diseases.
00:04:10.586 --> 00:04:15.921
There is also a vast concern over using the term in legal proceedings.
00:04:16.925 --> 00:04:24.086
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a term identified by American psychiatrist Richard Gardner in 1985.
00:04:24.086 --> 00:04:29.442
He coined the term describing children who were impacted by parental alienation.
00:04:29.442 --> 00:04:38.129
He described Parental Alienation Syndrome as a disorder in which one parent brainwashes a child to disrupt their relationship with the other parent.
00:04:38.129 --> 00:04:45.670
The brainwashing or programming parent twists memories and situations to make the target parent look bad.
00:04:45.670 --> 00:04:48.983
He or she may also victimize themself.
00:04:48.983 --> 00:04:58.718
For example, the programming parent may suggest he or she cannot take the child to extracurricular activities because the target parent was awarded more parenting time.
00:04:58.718 --> 00:05:06.846
The child in turn begins to believe the target parent is unfair or controlling and reacts by alienating that parent.
00:05:06.846 --> 00:05:13.201
It is important to know that in Gardner's definition, the alienated parent is in fact innocent.
00:05:13.201 --> 00:05:19.271
There can be no history of any form of abuse or neglect from that parent.
00:05:19.271 --> 00:05:26.913
Parental alienation is, in fact, almost identical in Gardner's definition of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
00:05:27.821 --> 00:05:31.630
Dr Gardner, with his medical background, used the term syndrome.
00:05:31.630 --> 00:05:36.610
A syndrome, by definition, requires a cluster of related symptoms.
00:05:36.610 --> 00:05:40.970
It is in this specificity that makes his terminology difficult.
00:05:40.970 --> 00:05:45.069
It also requires diagnosing the child with a disorder.
00:05:45.069 --> 00:05:49.728
Parental alienation places everything on the programming parent.
00:05:49.728 --> 00:05:57.824
Parental alienation refers to when a child rejects, alienates, hates and or becomes hostile toward the target parent.
00:05:57.824 --> 00:06:18.230
In direct relation to the programming parent's actions, it is apparent when the child uses the same language as a programming parent has unjustified or irrational beliefs of the target parent and the reasoning is not from actual personal experiences of the child but from what has been taught or told to them.
00:06:18.230 --> 00:06:38.382
Parental alienation not only ruins the relationship with the target parent but can also lead to inability to form healthy relationships in the future, lower self-esteem, anxiety, depression, lack of impulse control and other behavioral issues, and or a decline in scholastic performance.
00:06:38.382 --> 00:06:47.889
The World Health Organization recognizes these facts, along with a lack of evidence-based health care interventions available for parental alienation.
00:06:47.889 --> 00:06:55.764
The World Health Organization does take the stance that parental alienation can be an issue in judicial contexts.
00:06:55.764 --> 00:07:02.552
In summary, parental alienation's syndrome is not recognized as a diagnosable condition.
00:07:02.552 --> 00:07:09.661
However, parental alienation certainly does occur and is acknowledged in the judicial system.
00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:13.105
Now let's get back to our story.
00:07:13.105 --> 00:07:18.129
Pamela met and fell in love with Peter Hart in 1981.
00:07:18.129 --> 00:07:22.689
They were married and had a son they named Dashel, shortened to Dash.
00:07:22.689 --> 00:07:29.552
Peter was an attorney and initially the relationship was good, but alcohol became an issue.
00:07:29.552 --> 00:07:32.966
So did Peter's temper and lashing out.
00:07:32.966 --> 00:07:38.810
After years of emotional and psychological abuse, pamela filed for divorce.
00:07:38.810 --> 00:07:40.985
The divorce became ugly.
00:07:40.985 --> 00:07:46.550
Peter had attempted to manipulate finances and ownership of property, which backfired.
00:07:46.550 --> 00:08:00.427
He was caught and he blamed his consequences on Pamela From there forward, but actually, in all honesty, probably from the get-go, peter focused on ruining any part of Pamela he could.
00:08:01.401 --> 00:08:16.108
Again, the setting of this case is in Canada in the early 1990s, and at that time the judicial system could and would award joint custody in divorce cases, but would also take different circumstances into consideration.
00:08:16.108 --> 00:08:19.968
Often times, sole guardianship would be given to one parent.
00:08:19.968 --> 00:08:24.089
In the case of Peter and Pamela, that's exactly what happened.
00:08:24.089 --> 00:08:33.810
The judge was concerned with a volatile relationship between the two and, at the advice of a child psychologist, leaned toward giving sole guardianship to one parent.
00:08:33.810 --> 00:08:37.408
He felt this would alleviate any potential stress on Dash.
00:08:37.408 --> 00:08:39.966
Because Peter was an attorney.
00:08:39.966 --> 00:08:48.164
He was well versed on the vocabulary and the story the court system would need to hear to grant the guardianship to him, And that's what happened.
00:08:48.164 --> 00:08:52.528
Pamela was, however, supposed to get equal parenting time.
00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:57.330
Following the court's decision, peter did not waste any time.
00:08:57.330 --> 00:08:59.625
He started with Dash's school.
00:08:59.625 --> 00:09:08.307
Pamela would often volunteer And Peter did not like the extra time she would get as a result, so he contacted the school.
00:09:08.307 --> 00:09:14.192
He informed the school that, as sole guardian, he wanted her volunteer status to be revoked.
00:09:14.192 --> 00:09:21.331
In addition, he did not want any communication to happen between her and the school whatsoever.
00:09:21.331 --> 00:09:24.366
He did the same with medical professionals.
00:09:24.366 --> 00:09:35.105
He informed Dash's primary care provider, the dentist, the psychologist or any other professional that they were not to provide Pamela with any updates or information.
00:09:35.105 --> 00:09:38.087
Everything was to go through him.
00:09:38.910 --> 00:09:44.722
As Pamela adjusted to these decisions, peter began to manipulate her time with Dash.
00:09:44.722 --> 00:09:48.158
He signed their sunup for sports, in which he was the coach.
00:09:48.158 --> 00:09:54.653
Pamela's Friday nights were taken away as Peter would suggest team sleepovers each night before their games.
00:09:54.653 --> 00:09:59.100
He would tell Dash it would be better for them to show up together to the games.
00:09:59.100 --> 00:10:02.697
Pamela also lost time during the week for practices.
00:10:02.697 --> 00:10:06.619
She did not settle for these decisions and pushed back.
00:10:06.619 --> 00:10:11.539
She continued to appeal to the court's decisions and asked for joint guardianship.
00:10:11.539 --> 00:10:14.437
Peter jumped on this opportunity.
00:10:14.437 --> 00:10:19.259
He would explain to Dash that his mother's actions were disrupting their lifestyle.
00:10:20.049 --> 00:10:24.880
Over time Dash began to resent his own mother for fighting to see him more often.
00:10:24.880 --> 00:10:29.360
This cycle continued throughout the next decade of Dash's life.
00:10:29.360 --> 00:10:35.982
Peter slowly took Pamela's time away and systematically blamed her for any interruption in his life.
00:10:35.982 --> 00:10:38.317
Eventually Dash's behavior worsened.
00:10:38.317 --> 00:10:40.155
He would get into trouble at school.
00:10:40.155 --> 00:10:42.316
He was inappropriate with classmates.
00:10:42.316 --> 00:10:44.895
His grades suffered tremendously.
00:10:44.895 --> 00:10:47.557
Pamela continued to fight for her son.
00:10:47.557 --> 00:10:51.438
She found Dr Gardner's research on parental alienation syndrome.
00:10:51.438 --> 00:10:56.100
She attempted to get Dash the psychological and educational support he needed.
00:10:56.100 --> 00:11:01.280
Each time she made some progress, peter would destroy her efforts.
00:11:01.280 --> 00:11:07.822
She followed the advice of child psychologists and her legal team but began to feel defeated.
00:11:07.822 --> 00:11:13.520
Eventually, dash's outlook on everything mirrored those of his father.
00:11:14.450 --> 00:11:16.918
The police called Pamela on their way to her house.
00:11:16.918 --> 00:11:18.394
They had Dash with them.
00:11:18.394 --> 00:11:24.333
He was taken along with a friend as they were found smoking a joint on the roof of a house under construction.
00:11:24.333 --> 00:11:30.576
Dash was brought to Pamela's house at the recommendation of the friend's mother, as Dash's dad was not home.
00:11:30.576 --> 00:11:34.197
They didn't come peacefully and was placed in handcuffs.
00:11:34.197 --> 00:11:38.500
The cuffs were removed before the police and Dash walked up the drive.
00:11:38.500 --> 00:11:48.181
They had decided not to press charges nor take him to the police station because they believed even one night in juvenile detention significantly changed a kid.
00:11:48.181 --> 00:11:50.494
They left Dash with his mother.
00:11:50.494 --> 00:11:58.254
After finally reaching Peter, dash pointedly told her I won't stay with you, i want to go home.
00:11:58.254 --> 00:12:03.860
Once later, pamela whispered goodbye as her son climbed into her father's car.
00:12:03.860 --> 00:12:06.684
There was no response from Dash.
00:12:08.231 --> 00:12:13.623
Following the day Dash was brought to her house, pamela was once again in the courts advocating for her son.
00:12:13.623 --> 00:12:16.778
She brought Allison, the child's advocate, with her.
00:12:16.778 --> 00:12:20.921
As in times past, she had documentation and a strong case.
00:12:20.921 --> 00:12:25.761
However, the judge wanted she and Peter to work together and come to an agreement.
00:12:25.761 --> 00:12:34.344
Just prior to all of this happening, pamela was temporarily given sole guardianship, which the judge now took away.
00:12:34.344 --> 00:12:36.878
He granted joint guardianship.
00:12:36.878 --> 00:12:43.162
He ordered Dash to go under psychoeducational testing by an individual both parents agreed upon.
00:12:43.162 --> 00:12:49.802
Peter singularly chose an individual to conduct only an educational assessment.
00:12:49.802 --> 00:13:05.399
Despite noticing some awkward interactions and discussing Dash's case thoroughly with Pamela, this individual chose to only concentrate on Dash's dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and not address his underlining emotional concerns.
00:13:05.399 --> 00:13:11.461
They unsuccessfully tried to get Dash into a school in New York which attended to learning disabilities.
00:13:11.461 --> 00:13:19.524
From there forward, pamela desperately searched for a school that would also include counseling for Dash's parental alienation syndrome.
00:13:19.524 --> 00:13:25.000
She continued diligently with her research into the winter season of 2000.
00:13:25.970 --> 00:13:33.003
A cyclist witnessed a body falling from the Granville Street Bridge at 4 am on January 1, 2001.
00:13:33.003 --> 00:13:38.740
The police officer who first arrived was able to determine this was clearly suicide.
00:13:38.740 --> 00:13:43.120
No alcohol or other substances were found in Dash's system.
00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:44.914
He fell silently.
00:13:44.914 --> 00:13:52.802
Peter didn't look for Dash until January 3rd, which was the same day Pamela and her family returned home from Whistler.
00:13:52.802 --> 00:14:00.501
She was informed of her son's death at 2 pm that day when Peter's attorney called and coldly informed her.
00:14:00.501 --> 00:14:08.682
The days, weeks, months and years following Dash's death left a clear hole in the lives of his friends and family.
00:14:08.682 --> 00:14:18.038
When Peter Hart did not appear in court and did not answer multiple phone calls in August 2004, someone was sent to his home to check on him.
00:14:18.038 --> 00:14:24.301
The 61-year-old was found deceased for what appeared to have been at least one week.
00:14:25.791 --> 00:14:30.041
Pamela experienced guilt, anger and all the expected reactions.
00:14:30.041 --> 00:14:36.142
During her roller coaster of emotions she settled on controlled anger and attempting peace.
00:14:36.142 --> 00:14:42.501
Her journey throughout the court system and seeking professional assistance is well documented in her book.
00:14:42.501 --> 00:14:48.201
Clearly, poor choices for Dash were decided by his father and legal professionals.
00:14:48.201 --> 00:14:51.658
But did Pamela make the right choices?
00:14:51.658 --> 00:14:55.639
Was there anything she could have done or should have done differently?
00:14:55.639 --> 00:14:59.755
What if Things were different in the 90s?
00:15:00.269 --> 00:15:06.601
More education regarding mental health, domestic abuse and, specifically, parental alienation is now available.
00:15:06.601 --> 00:15:10.378
That doesn't mean more work isn't necessary.
00:15:10.378 --> 00:15:13.417
I believe that's why this book was written.
00:15:13.417 --> 00:15:17.159
There are many points throughout this story that are important to realize.
00:15:17.159 --> 00:15:22.481
One is the financial resources and time Pamela had to pursue her case.
00:15:22.481 --> 00:15:31.938
We need to recognize that for many individuals following what is frequently a drawn-out legal battle, money is often tight, if not non-existent.
00:15:31.938 --> 00:15:37.072
Others may not be able to push for multiple appeals In the same respect.
00:15:37.072 --> 00:15:40.780
Despite Pamela's persistence, her pleas were not upheld.
00:15:40.780 --> 00:15:46.861
Parental alienation is just one element of domestic abuse, devastating as it may be.
00:15:46.861 --> 00:16:02.880
Regarding parental alienation and domestic abuse as a whole, we can only keep pursuing justice, keep lobbying for change, for more education, for more resources, keep making our voices heard and hopes the right person or people listen.
00:16:02.880 --> 00:16:06.238
Keep supporting each other and those who are struggling.
00:16:07.429 --> 00:16:13.022
If you want to learn more about Pamela and Dasha's story, you can pick up her book A Kidnapped Mind.
00:16:13.022 --> 00:16:17.379
I have included additional sources used for this episode in the show notes.
00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:20.557
I will be back next week with another story for you.
00:16:20.557 --> 00:16:24.775
Until then, remember it isn't your fault.
00:16:24.775 --> 00:16:28.222
There is hope and you are not alone.
00:16:28.222 --> 00:16:37.777
Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website 1and3podcastcom.
00:16:37.777 --> 00:16:42.360
That's the number 1, i-n the number 3, podcastcom.
00:16:42.360 --> 00:16:47.402
Follow 1and3 on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at 1and3podcast.
00:16:47.402 --> 00:16:51.660
To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe.
00:16:51.660 --> 00:16:57.681
1and3 is a.5 Pinoy production music written and performed by Tim Crow.