July 18, 2023
Domestic Violence, Self-Defense, and the Law: The Story of Nicole Addimando I Ep. 19
What happens when a survivor fights back — and the justice system fails to recognize the abuse behind the act?
In this powerful advocacy-driven episode of the 1 in 3 Podcast, Ingrid examines the case of Nicole Addimando, whose story exposes the complex intersection of domestic violence, self-defense, and criminal justice.
Drawing from the documentary And So I Stayed and investigative reporting, this episode explores the years of physical and sexual abuse Nicole endured, the escalating risk factors that placed her in danger of homicide, and the controversial conviction that initially overlooked her lived reality as a survivor.
The discussion highlights the importance of the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act — legislation designed to bring context and fairness to cases involving survivors of abuse within the criminal justice system.
🎧 In this episode:
- The realities of coercive control and prolonged abuse
- Risk factors linked to domestic violence homicide
- Self-defense and survivor criminalization
- How the justice system evaluates abuse evidence
- The impact of survivor-focused legislation
Nicole’s story challenges listeners to reconsider how society defines justice — and why advocacy and legal reform remain essential for survivors everywhere.
Sources:
Documentary "And So I Stayed"
https://andsoistayedfilm.com/
https://abcnews.go.com/US/nikki-addimando-speaks-prison-shares-story/story?id=96817692
https://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/story/news/local/2021/07/14/murderer-nicole-addimando-sentence-reduced-domestic-violence-act/7967311002/
https://westandwithnikki.com/casehttps://www.newyorker.com/news/dispatch/when-can-a-woman-who-kills-her-abuser-claim-self-defense
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
00:00 - Survivor's Story
13:01 - 1and3 Podcast
WEBVTT
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Hi Warriors, welcome to 1 in 3.
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I'm your host, ingrid.
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In preparation for this episode, I watched the emotional documentary so I Stayed.
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The film follows the paths of three women in abusive relationships who chose to survive instead of being killed.
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While Kim charges through the documentary, pushing for the domestic violence survivors justice act to finally be passed into law, one of the other women is charged, convicted and sentenced without consideration of the abuse she had suffered for years.
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This is the story of Nicole Addimando.
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Okay, guys, first I want to say this documentary, which was directed and produced by Natalie Patillo and Daniel Nelson, is so fucking raw and I wasn't kidding when I said it was emotional.
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If you're interested in watching it for yourself, it is available to rent through Vimeo.
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I have the link to the website and the show notes.
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Just make sure to keep your personal triggers in mind before you jump into it.
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For this episode you need to understand.
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The state of New York signed the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act into law in 2019.
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This law enables a judge to consider the history of domestic violence endured by a survivor when sentencing that individual for an offense committed against their abuser After serving her own 17-year prison sentence.
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One of the other women in the documentary, Kim Dadou pursued getting the act signed into law for 10 years.
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So now let's get into Nikki's story.
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Nikki was a 19-year-old gymnastics coach when she met Chris Grover in 2008.
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He too was a gymnastics coach and was two years her senior.
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The two worked together and became friends.
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That friendship eventually blossomed into a romance.
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Chris was gentle and understanding, so much so Nikki felt very comfortable confiding in him about a sexual assault she endured at the age of five years.
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Nikki became pregnant in 2011.
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The couple moved in together in 2012, in time to welcome their newborn son.
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One of the first aggressive sexual encounters occurred just over a year after the arrival of their baby.
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Chris had proposed sex to Nikki, in which she declined.
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He then slammed her head into the door frame before raping her.
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Nikki began to notice Chris seemed to prefer forced sex.
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She wondered what she was doing to cause him to want that.
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She questioned if she was not clear enough.
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When she said no, Nikki began seeing a licensed mental health counselor named Sarah Within just a few months, Sarah began to notice bruises on Nikki's face and where she wore clothing, leaving other areas of her body exposed.
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She noticed the bruises on her arms, neck and chest too.
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Sarah became well aware of the abuse Nikki was facing In September of 2014,.
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Nikki informed Sarah of an incident that had happened.
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She had shrugged off a kiss Chris had given her in an attempt to initiate sex.
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He then bit her, slammed her head into the counter and raped her.
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You see, chris believed Nikki owed him.
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She was not working full time and he was, as he provided financially.
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He felt Nikki's purpose was to serve him sexually Whenever and however he wanted it.
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Following that assault, Nikki took the advice of Sarah and had a forensic nurse examine and document her findings.
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Nikki didn't press charges, though, out of fear Chris would take their son away from her.
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Three days later, Nikki was making eggs for their son.
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Chris said you better be making enough for me, to which she gave a sarcastic yes, sir.
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Feeling she was not being respectful enough, chris had to teach her a lesson.
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He forced her to the floor, took a metal spoon and held it in the flames of the gas burner.
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He then continued to burn Nikki.
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He burned her breasts, the inside of her upper thighs, her labia and even into her vagina.
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Nikki was four months pregnant with her daughter at the time.
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She once more sought medical attention where photographs and documentation were taken.
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But again, she did not press charges.
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The abuse continued even after the birth of their second child.
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In fact, the sexual torture became just that Torture.
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Chris would create homemade objects out of PVC, piping, glue and tape which he would vaginally and anally penetrate her with.
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He used his gun to assault her vaginally.
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He strangled her to just before she would lose consciousness Factors during a domestic violence risk assessment performed by her therapist, which placed her at the highest risk for homicide, included sexual assault, abuse while pregnant, strangulation and gun ownership.
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Chris posted videos of the sexual abuse he subjected Nikki to on the website Pornhub, using the name Grover Respect.
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He titled videos Break a Bitch and Bound and Pound these therapists.
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Sarah contacted a detective about Nikki's statements regarding the non-consensual use of her images.
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She even drew up an affidavit.
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Nikki refused to sign it.
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Throughout the years of abuse she endured, nikki would wonder how she needed to change or what she needed to do to make things go back to the way they were before, happier times.
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She knew the abuse was wrong and unhealthy, but how could she leave?
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Chris was a good father.
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The kids loved him and needed him.
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He didn't physically hurt them.
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If she could just continue to endure, everything would be okay.
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She thought she would be fine.
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She thought she could make all of it work out.
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At one point, nikki decided to prepare herself and her children to escape if need be.
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In August 2017, she began to pack a bag of essentials.
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As a black belt in Taekwondo, chris stealthily moved throughout the house.
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He quietly walked up to Nikki as she was packing and efficiently placed her into a chokehold until she collapsed to the ground.
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A mother of one of the children at the Gymnastics Center became concerned.
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She noticed how Chris would sometimes lose his patience with the children.
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She had heard the rumors of abuse toward Nikki.
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That mother contacted Child Protective Services.
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On September 27, 2017, cps arrived to the couple's house and conducted separate interviews, fearful her children would be taken away.
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Nikki maintained everything was okay.
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The next morning at 2 am on September 28,a police car was behind a vehicle stopped at a red light.
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The light turned green, but the car didn't move.
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After honking his horn, the officer watched as Nikki stepped out of the driver's side door With her two small children in the back seat.
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Nikki then informed police that Chris was laying on their couch with a gunshot wound to his head.
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Nikki was allowed to have her children ride with as the officer's driver, to the police station.
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During her interrogation, nikki described the following scene she and Chris had been arguing, during which time he kept apologizing.
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She had asked him to just let her go with the kids.
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Chris initially pulled out his gun, but dropped it when she needed him in the groin.
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Nikki quickly picked it up.
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Chris then looked at her and said you don't have it in you.
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You're going to give me the gun and I'm going to kill both of us, and the kids will have no one.
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Then Nikki lunged forward and pulled the trigger.
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The case of People vs Adamondo began on March 13, 2019.
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The trial lasted about three weeks, after which the jury deliberated for just a few days.
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They returned with a guilty verdict for second-degree manslaughter and second-degree criminal possession of a handgun.
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By the way, the gun belonged to Chris.
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The only in supporters of Nikki were hopeful and almost confident going into Nikki's sentencing.
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The Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act had just been signed into law.
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Surely, if any case applied, nikki's would.
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She had presented photographs, the porn hub site, witness statements, mental health records and medical records.
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They were also given documentation of inability to perform a pelvic exam at one point due to all of the trauma to Nikki's genitalia.
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All of that was presented as proof to the amount of abuse she suffered at the hands of Chris.
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However, the judge felt there was no way to prove Chris was a person who abused Nikki.
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There is no way to prove the injuries were not self-inflicted.
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He felt Nikki could have safely left the relationship at any point in time.
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Therefore, the judge was not going to consider a reduced sentence as allowed by the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act.
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On February 11, 2020, nicole Adamondo was sentenced to 19 years to life in prison, 15 years for the gun charge which was to be served concurrently.
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Thankfully, the bond between family domestic violence survivors, advocates and supporters is strong.
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Those individuals did not stop pushing for justice.
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In 2021, nikki's pro bono legal team appealed.
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The Appalach court agreed Nikki qualified for a reduced sentence under the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act law.
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Her sentence was reduced to seven and a half years, three and a half for the gun charges, both of them with time served.
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Nikki is due to be released in 2024.
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What I found to be poignant in this documentary was a mention of what victims of domestic violence are to do as partners.
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They, especially women, are encouraged to work through disagreements, stay in as long as you can stay together for the children, etc.
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But when circumstances become aggressive or violent, the victim is asked why did you stay?
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I want to end this episode by quoting Nikki's statement at her sentencing.
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Through tears, she said I'm so sorry for the pain, the deep, devastating loss that so many people feel as a result of my action.
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I'm sorry for the broken hearts and families that will never feel whole again.
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I'll live with this, what I did and didn't do for the rest of my life, and I wish more than anything this ended another way.
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If it had, I wouldn't be in this courtroom, but I wouldn't be alive either, and I wanted to live.
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I wanted this all to stop.
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I was afraid to stay, afraid to leave, afraid that nobody would believe me, afraid of losing everything.
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This is why women don't leave.
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I know killing is not the solution and staying hurts, but leaving doesn't mean living.
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So often we end up dead or where I'm standing Alive, but still not free Again.
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If you want to watch the documentary and so I stayed you can find a link to it on their website and the website link is in the show notes.
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All the rest of the sources for this episode can also be found in the show notes.
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I will be back again next week with another story for you.
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Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone.
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Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website 1and3podcastcom.
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That's the number 1, i-n the number 3, podcastcom.
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Follow 1and3 on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at 1and3podcast.
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To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe.
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1and3 is a.5 Pinoy production Written and performed by Tim Crow.
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