Dec. 10, 2024
Reclaiming Strength Amanda's Escape from Abuse (Part 2/2) I Ep. 48
What happens when you realize the person you love is not who they claimed to be? Join us as Amanda courageously shares her journey through the maze of narcissistic abuse, exposing the chilling reality of gaslighting and manipulation. From being unexpectedly removed from the family auto insurance policy to having her living situation controlled, Amanda’s story is a raw testament to the emotional toll of returning to a toxic environment with hopes for change. She details her path to self-discovery and healing, highlighting the gradual process of documenting her experiences and seeking legal help as crucial steps in reclaiming her life.
Discover the resilience it takes to rebuild after such a tumultuous relationship and the empowerment found in recognizing one's self-worth. We dig into common abusive tactics like love bombing and how they cloud one's intuition, emphasizing the necessity of self-care practices.
Amanda's profile link: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/amanda-webb/
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
00:00 - Amanda's Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Journey
12:29 - Recovery From Narcissistic Relationship Trauma
23:07 - Empowerment Through Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
WEBVTT
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:25.646
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
00:00:25.646 --> 00:00:26.890
I'm your host, ingrid.
00:00:26.890 --> 00:00:33.908
In episode 47, amanda describes characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.
00:00:33.908 --> 00:00:42.341
In this episode, she further details her personal experiences, including her healing journey, and what she is planning to do to help others.
00:00:42.341 --> 00:00:46.423
Here is Amanda with a conclusion of her story.
00:00:46.423 --> 00:01:06.495
So I was removed in October of 2022.
00:01:06.515 --> 00:01:12.617
In November, I just sat down with all this nervous energy because I was in fight or flight.
00:01:12.617 --> 00:01:20.792
I was stuck in this, still in this kind of place of chaos, in getting a lawyer.
00:01:20.792 --> 00:01:21.194
What's going on?
00:01:21.194 --> 00:01:21.477
What happened?
00:01:21.477 --> 00:01:28.173
Trying to understand it, I just started typing and it was this continuous Word document and I created the list.
00:01:28.173 --> 00:01:36.251
So on the list I wrote all the abuse, gaslighting, the manipulation, the lies, everything from asshole to abusive.
00:01:36.272 --> 00:01:45.046
So one of the things he removed my car from the family auto policy on two different occasions because I didn't agree or obey with him.
00:01:45.046 --> 00:01:46.170
So he took off.
00:01:46.170 --> 00:01:55.112
So actually I had to call the insurance company and the woman said to me you can get your own policy in the same household.
00:01:55.112 --> 00:02:00.269
However, you have to tell me that you're a victim of domestic violence.
00:02:00.269 --> 00:02:06.489
So I had to admit that and in doing that, I wasn't ready.
00:02:06.489 --> 00:02:07.951
I wasn't there there yet.
00:02:07.951 --> 00:02:11.099
I didn't understand that I was being abused.
00:02:11.099 --> 00:02:20.626
Yet let's see, when I was looking for a new car in 2021, he told me I better buy a car I can afford on my own, since I would be moving out soon.
00:02:20.626 --> 00:02:23.831
So yeah, he had started this.
00:02:23.831 --> 00:02:30.204
I mean, he had been telling me to get the f out for years I moved out twice, or actually three times.
00:02:30.204 --> 00:02:32.191
I moved out three times Once early on.
00:02:33.093 --> 00:02:33.956
I called the police.
00:02:33.956 --> 00:02:37.645
He totally freaked out in 2019.
00:02:37.645 --> 00:02:38.447
And I had.
00:02:38.447 --> 00:02:55.090
I called the police and took him in and he was charged with second degree harassment and assault, so that I didn't press charges at the time because, again, I thought, oh, he's working on himself, this is just a little snafu, we're going to get through this.
00:02:55.090 --> 00:03:03.163
He came back, he cried, he was okay for a little bit and then things started again, of course, but I had moved out during that time.
00:03:03.163 --> 00:03:04.265
I moved out for two weeks.
00:03:04.265 --> 00:03:16.304
He called me every day, begged me to come back and I came back and I should have never come back.
00:03:16.213 --> 00:03:17.456
Moved out in May of 2022, so I moved out for a month before then.
00:03:17.456 --> 00:03:17.556
I would.
00:03:17.556 --> 00:03:27.508
I would come downstairs with two-story house in the morning and I'd wear air pods every morning listening to meditation music before I went downstairs to make coffee, just so I could be in a place where I didn't feel reactive and I couldn't hear what he was saying.
00:03:27.508 --> 00:03:30.056
So I could be in a place where I didn't feel reactive and I couldn't hear what he was saying.
00:03:30.056 --> 00:03:35.405
So I'd wear AirPods with meditation music and I would crank it up so I wouldn't hear him.
00:03:35.405 --> 00:03:37.967
He would be working in the living room.
00:03:37.967 --> 00:03:50.627
It was open concept and you know I could hear him talking but I just ignored him at that point it was just too much and I would take my coffee and go upstairs and luckily at that time he didn't try to chase me or anything.
00:03:50.907 --> 00:03:52.855
But I moved out in May of 22 for a month.
00:03:52.855 --> 00:03:54.040
He asked me to come back.
00:03:54.040 --> 00:03:55.967
He was going to do all these things for me.
00:03:55.967 --> 00:03:57.391
The business was for me.
00:03:57.391 --> 00:03:58.556
I came back.
00:03:58.556 --> 00:04:03.830
It was good for a couple of weeks and then it started all over again and it became worse.
00:04:03.830 --> 00:04:04.931
It became worse.
00:04:04.931 --> 00:04:09.173
So then October happened and that was the last straw.
00:04:09.173 --> 00:04:16.831
So as I was moving out in May, he threatened to put all my belongings in the driveway for overnight to pick up.
00:04:16.831 --> 00:04:19.110
He said I'm just going to drag everything out there.
00:04:19.110 --> 00:04:23.470
He had actually taken everything downstairs that I owned I never asked him to do it.
00:04:23.571 --> 00:04:24.475
I didn't tell him to do it.
00:04:24.475 --> 00:04:29.670
He just started packing up my stuff and put it downstairs and then put it all in the garage.
00:04:29.670 --> 00:04:37.230
As soon as I moved back into the house, he asked me for money, you know, and of course I'm like, oh, we're working on this, yes, and I gave it to him.
00:04:37.230 --> 00:04:38.463
He promised to repay me.
00:04:38.463 --> 00:04:41.908
He never did, you know, and I've never really been like that about money.
00:04:42.100 --> 00:04:44.742
I'm like, oh, I'm contributing, he makes more.
00:04:44.781 --> 00:04:46.062
He's paying for the house.
00:04:46.062 --> 00:04:51.088
Of course I can pay for this and you know some of the smaller bills in the house I pay for.
00:04:51.088 --> 00:04:57.312
So in the mornings he liked to start arguments with me before I go and I'd leave to go to one of my schools to teach.
00:04:57.312 --> 00:05:01.115
So he started an argument with me in the entire way.
00:05:01.115 --> 00:05:07.704
There I'm listening to music.
00:05:07.704 --> 00:05:08.528
I'm trying to change my perspective.
00:05:08.528 --> 00:05:20.391
I'm trying to get out of that feeling so I can be effective in my school, so I can walk into my school and work with my teachers and the students that I worked with with a smile on my face and really concentrate on what I'm trying to teach.
00:05:20.459 --> 00:05:22.923
That day I left for work.
00:05:22.923 --> 00:05:24.286
I had a chihuahua named Charlie.
00:05:24.286 --> 00:05:34.713
He passed in but you know, I left for work and came back to find him in a crate in the middle of the bed, closed like he.
00:05:34.713 --> 00:05:44.240
You know the dogs we had three dogs total and they all end up passing away, but three dogs total and they kind of roamed free and he was home all day.
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:51.899
He would let them out and you know, his dog was crated when he left anywhere.
00:05:52.300 --> 00:06:07.822
But my dog was always free to roam and decided that he needed to be crated because the other dog was crated and he decided to put it in the middle of the bed so I would see it and get upset, instead of like next to the other dog on the floor like a normal person, right?
00:06:07.822 --> 00:06:17.911
No, he said the electrical circuit in the room that was my office was overloaded and that I can't get electric to the room anymore.
00:06:17.911 --> 00:06:25.156
So he went downstairs and pulled the fuse from that room so I couldn't work.
00:06:25.156 --> 00:06:33.447
If I was up there on my computer at night, I couldn't see because he had pulled and says you know it's too much, so we have to.
00:06:33.447 --> 00:06:35.430
One of the rooms can't be lit.
00:06:35.430 --> 00:06:36.480
I mean this is just.
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:37.985
I mean, how insane is that?
00:06:39.470 --> 00:06:42.057
it really is like how do you even think of that?
00:06:42.057 --> 00:06:43.000
That's so weird.
00:06:43.860 --> 00:06:46.245
I don't know right, where do you get this stuff?
00:06:46.245 --> 00:06:48.629
And then there was not Okay, so with that.
00:06:48.629 --> 00:06:52.415
Another bizarro thing was he said we had wireless.
00:06:52.415 --> 00:06:58.850
The wireless router was in the basement, my computer and office was on the second floor.
00:06:58.850 --> 00:07:03.110
He took the wireless router and was walking around.
00:07:03.110 --> 00:07:03.791
He unplugged it.
00:07:03.791 --> 00:07:09.526
He was walking around with it in a messenger bag that he had, so I couldn't work anymore.
00:07:09.646 --> 00:07:14.711
So I'm in the middle of typing all of a sudden the wireless is gone and I get up and I'm like what's going on?
00:07:14.711 --> 00:07:20.740
And he's like, oh, this needs to be, uh, you know, recalibrated and I gotta take it to the computer store.
00:07:20.740 --> 00:07:21.603
And I'm like, why?
00:07:21.603 --> 00:07:24.870
Because I'm born yesterday and that's not true.
00:07:24.870 --> 00:07:27.144
There's nothing, you need to go and change anything.
00:07:27.144 --> 00:07:28.247
It it's working just fine.
00:07:28.247 --> 00:07:36.043
You decide to unplug it and carry it around.
00:07:36.062 --> 00:07:45.024
And then he went in the bedroom and locked himself in and with the router and told me that I should leave him alone, that I'm harassing him, that I'm bothering him, that I'm the problem again, right?
00:07:45.024 --> 00:07:49.572
So yeah, it's just the scenarios that he was set up.
00:07:49.572 --> 00:08:02.281
And then when I would say anything against it, defend myself or or express my disgust, then I'm the problem, right, I should just be in acceptance of the crazy.
00:08:02.281 --> 00:08:04.040
Um.
00:08:04.040 --> 00:08:09.182
He told me that he wouldn't attend my cousin passed away.
00:08:09.182 --> 00:08:14.266
He told me he wouldn't attend my cousin's funeral because she didn't attend our wedding years prior.
00:08:14.266 --> 00:08:16.565
She wasn't there, so he's not going to go to her funeral.
00:08:16.987 --> 00:08:23.189
I just I just looked at him and left no, I can't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't deal with it.
00:08:23.189 --> 00:08:29.732
There are also papers in court that he lied to the court about how much money he made and how much he paid out.
00:08:29.732 --> 00:08:44.437
So we both had to fill up these forms about you know money going in, you know money coming in, money coming out, and he lied about how much was coming in and going out and unfortunately the W-2 doesn't lie, so we had a little bit of a problem getting that, getting financials.
00:08:45.238 --> 00:08:47.798
So we did some personal development early on.
00:08:49.399 --> 00:08:50.201
I started it and it really helped me.
00:08:50.221 --> 00:08:53.627
It worked well for me and then he got involved.
00:08:53.627 --> 00:08:56.514
So once you, it's called the 90 day game.
00:08:56.514 --> 00:09:00.649
Once you do the 90 day game and you go through it, you have a coaching call every day.
00:09:00.649 --> 00:09:03.144
Once you go through it, you can become the coach.
00:09:03.664 --> 00:09:13.793
So he decided to coach this 90 day game and I was against it, not because I didn't want him to help other people, but because I knew what kind of crazy that this was going to create.
00:09:13.793 --> 00:09:25.375
Not only was this creating a monster, but I knew that because he was working so hard to impress all of these people that the backlash was coming.
00:09:25.375 --> 00:09:27.807
And then that's not truly who he is.
00:09:27.807 --> 00:09:31.524
So it was going to come back and I was right.
00:09:31.524 --> 00:09:51.565
So, as he, you know, pretending to be this other person with his group of other coaches and with the people who was actually coaching behind closed doors, he's verbally attacking me and he was actually working his triangulation magic and telling me that these people didn't like me, they didn't want to hear what I had to say.
00:09:51.565 --> 00:09:54.712
So, somehow my presence, because we would have.
00:09:54.712 --> 00:09:57.830
They'd have meetings at my house and I would go upstairs just to be respectful.
00:09:57.830 --> 00:10:03.152
But I shouldn't be listening, I shouldn't be hearing it and I'm not a part of this.
00:10:03.152 --> 00:10:04.140
This is his thing.
00:10:04.522 --> 00:10:05.903
Some of the other terrible things.
00:10:05.903 --> 00:10:09.589
He stole my wallet and hid it for three weeks after lying to police.
00:10:09.589 --> 00:10:11.251
I had called the police after that happened.
00:10:11.251 --> 00:10:14.903
I had to get a new license, I got new credit cards.
00:10:16.365 --> 00:10:17.168
I saw him do it.
00:10:17.168 --> 00:10:18.309
I was down the hall.
00:10:18.309 --> 00:10:25.192
I saw him walking across from my office to the bedroom with my wallet in his hand and he locks the door.
00:10:25.192 --> 00:10:30.943
And two weeks later I'm sitting in my office and there was like this little cabinet that I had.
00:10:30.943 --> 00:10:42.657
He stood there, he opened the door and the wallet is sitting in there and he just looks at me and he walks off and I'm like I didn't even know.
00:10:42.657 --> 00:10:45.403
I was like frozen, I didn't even know what to do.
00:10:45.985 --> 00:10:48.028
A lock on on the bedroom door, a handle.
00:10:48.028 --> 00:10:49.131
He took the whole thing off.
00:10:49.131 --> 00:10:56.898
He switched it with the one that attached the laundry room or the breezeway from the garage.
00:10:56.898 --> 00:11:01.610
There's like a little laundry room and then the kitchen.
00:11:01.610 --> 00:11:04.528
Well, there is a door that you can close for the garage.
00:11:04.528 --> 00:11:12.913
He took that doorknob, the master bedroom doorknob, and switched that so he had the key so he could lock himself in the bedroom.
00:11:12.913 --> 00:11:15.701
He could barricade himself in there.
00:11:15.701 --> 00:11:22.823
So whenever I was knocking on the door trying to get my clothes, my toiletries, I have to work, I have to leave.
00:11:22.823 --> 00:11:51.998
I was the problem Because that's not my house and that's not my room and I had ended up, you know, that night I had slept, you know, downstairs in the living room, or I had a little rollout bed that I put in my office and because of that he would lock himself inside and not let me in and say that it was because I was the abuser and whatnot.
00:11:52.138 --> 00:11:52.538
I'm like.
00:11:52.597 --> 00:11:53.798
I just want to get my stuff.
00:11:53.798 --> 00:11:58.105
So those are some of the things that he would do.
00:11:58.105 --> 00:11:59.889
I have another video.
00:11:59.889 --> 00:12:01.472
I pulled up home and he walked.
00:12:01.472 --> 00:12:16.063
He was walking around my parked car recording me with his phone as I sat with the doors locked and just walking around recording me and if you could see the video, it's super creepy and I'm like what are you doing?
00:12:16.063 --> 00:12:17.225
What are you doing?
00:12:17.225 --> 00:12:19.530
Back to social media.
00:12:19.530 --> 00:12:21.601
So that was part of the that.
00:12:21.601 --> 00:12:22.484
He didn't hit me.
00:12:22.484 --> 00:12:30.066
So those are some of the things that I posted there and I have other things that I posted on that page as well.
00:12:30.086 --> 00:12:42.870
You know, I talked about the choices he made, how he behaved during the marriage and we were married for almost seven years total together, for eight, eight and a half, and there was definitely an incline in that disbarging.
00:12:42.870 --> 00:12:45.909
So you can hear in some of the things that I said and those were.
00:12:45.909 --> 00:12:47.085
Some of those were out of order.
00:12:47.085 --> 00:12:53.768
So it started off kind of him being a jerk and rude and and then it went into gosh.
00:12:53.768 --> 00:13:03.030
This is actually abused, you know, and it took me a long time to figure that out actually, because at the beginning he mirrored me, you know.
00:13:03.030 --> 00:13:04.472
He said he wanted everything I did.
00:13:04.472 --> 00:13:06.796
He wanted that marriage, the family, the business.
00:13:06.796 --> 00:13:11.940
He loved bomb teams.
00:13:11.940 --> 00:13:15.639
He rented the marquee outside a small movie theater to ask me to marry him and took me there.
00:13:15.639 --> 00:13:21.947
Yeah, from standing on the sidewalk looking up Amanda William, his name you know.
00:13:21.947 --> 00:13:23.510
We did everything together at the beginning.
00:13:23.510 --> 00:13:31.784
We made a lot of plans and he would have a little bit of anger stuff going on, but then he would make up for it or then he would apologize, you know.
00:13:31.784 --> 00:13:37.547
So, looking back, I did experience his anger issues early on, but I thought he was working on himself himself.
00:13:37.547 --> 00:13:39.111
He was dedicated to personal development.
00:13:39.111 --> 00:13:43.030
It seemed like a short time that it was working until it didn't.
00:13:43.030 --> 00:13:54.730
And then that person that I thought I knew, the person he presented his representative went further and further away and the real him started coming out.
00:13:54.730 --> 00:13:58.846
And the other thing about the narcissist is they're very much a creature of habit.
00:13:58.866 --> 00:14:01.370
So let's go back to the restraining order of October.
00:14:01.370 --> 00:14:10.503
In October of 22, I found out through my research that he also filed a restraining order against his ex-wife in 2010, while they were divorcing.
00:14:10.503 --> 00:14:12.368
So that was part of it.
00:14:12.368 --> 00:14:13.650
Now, did it actually go through?
00:14:13.650 --> 00:14:14.091
I don't know.
00:14:14.091 --> 00:14:15.383
I couldn't find the information.
00:14:15.383 --> 00:14:22.105
I wasn't going to ask his ex-wife and that's public knowledge, that's on case net.
00:14:22.105 --> 00:14:30.469
I also found out that he had a temporary order against him and then a full order granted on May of 2016 for a year.
00:14:31.410 --> 00:14:32.793
So let's look at the timeline.
00:14:32.793 --> 00:14:35.524
So I met him in January of 2015.
00:14:35.524 --> 00:14:40.153
He had just broken up with his girlfriend earlier that month in the worst way.
00:14:40.153 --> 00:14:45.611
Now he had lied to me and told me that they split up in October of the previous year.
00:14:45.611 --> 00:14:47.243
So I thought, oh, okay, he's got.
00:14:47.243 --> 00:14:47.504
You know.
00:14:47.845 --> 00:14:51.277
The rest of October, november, december, most of January.
00:14:51.277 --> 00:14:53.743
That's almost that's the three and a half months.
00:14:53.743 --> 00:14:55.125
Four and a half months.
00:14:55.125 --> 00:14:56.347
You know that he broke up.
00:14:56.347 --> 00:14:58.953
So we started dating around the end of.
00:14:58.953 --> 00:15:00.566
I met on the end of January.
00:15:00.566 --> 00:15:02.105
They broke up in January.
00:15:02.105 --> 00:15:08.966
She moved out, Then she had the order six months, so May of 2016,.
00:15:08.966 --> 00:15:18.969
It was expired, so she decided to go for a full order of protection and so that went from May of 16 to May of 2017.
00:15:18.969 --> 00:15:23.120
We were married in July of 2017.
00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:28.429
So two months after this order expired, we were married.
00:15:28.990 --> 00:15:34.505
So the whole time I was dating, him, got engaged and almost got married.
00:15:34.505 --> 00:15:38.854
Right, he had a restraining order against him and had the record sealed.
00:15:38.854 --> 00:15:42.206
I had no idea it's not on case net.
00:15:42.206 --> 00:15:44.652
It wasn't on case net, he made sure of that.
00:15:44.652 --> 00:15:52.049
And it just blows my mind that our ending was more dramatic than that one.
00:15:52.289 --> 00:15:53.873
Things just got worse.
00:15:53.873 --> 00:15:55.715
So I left.
00:15:55.715 --> 00:15:58.345
So let's talk about that.
00:15:58.345 --> 00:16:01.732
So I left, I got out and you know my head was spinning.
00:16:01.732 --> 00:16:02.966
That was October, november.
00:16:02.966 --> 00:16:08.527
I started writing the list and I just started writing down everything that was happening, all the dates, everything that was going on.
00:16:08.527 --> 00:16:10.491
You know I had friends calling me.
00:16:10.491 --> 00:16:18.097
I had two of those guy friends call me and tell me, text me or call me and tell me that he misses me, he wants me back.
00:16:18.097 --> 00:16:22.648
He was talking about me and how he wanted, you know, things to work out.
00:16:22.648 --> 00:16:30.652
And I was and I said, nope, I know I will only speak to him if I have to through this divorce and that's it and I'm done.
00:16:30.652 --> 00:16:32.162
Let's talk about healing.
00:16:32.783 --> 00:16:36.148
So on that journey, you know it's taken some time.
00:16:36.148 --> 00:16:40.900
It's been, you know, two years and it's still in the works.
00:16:40.900 --> 00:16:41.962
It's not 100%.
00:16:41.962 --> 00:16:44.710
So I was removed in October.
00:16:44.710 --> 00:16:47.557
Then I joined a gym again in January.
00:16:47.557 --> 00:16:49.562
So it took me a couple of months.
00:16:49.663 --> 00:17:03.385
I, you know, got through the holidays in January, I'm like, okay, I started to join the gym, I got on the treadmill and elliptical, I joined yoga classes and I realized I had so much nervous energy that I had to get out.
00:17:03.706 --> 00:17:09.886
And so, you know, it felt a lot better to get out, to get moving, and also I could start to.
00:17:09.886 --> 00:17:11.811
I was starting to clear my mind.
00:17:11.811 --> 00:17:14.744
I had the fog was starting to lift.
00:17:14.744 --> 00:17:19.581
I felt like this chaotic, like every time I would think of a scenario that happened.
00:17:19.581 --> 00:17:23.148
It'd make my brain spin, it was so uncomfortable and it actually hurt.
00:17:23.148 --> 00:17:29.590
So, you know, I was living in fight or flight and I didn't even realize it for a long time.
00:17:29.590 --> 00:17:37.247
And when I did, I'm like, okay, now I'm here, what do I do, you know, and it took some time to regulate my nervous and I'm still working on all of those things, you know.
00:17:37.247 --> 00:17:52.365
And even today, I go to the gym, I do yoga, I have a Pilates, I meditate, I sit, I get quiet, because I felt like I lost that ability and I listened to my intuition and I'm learning to trust it again.
00:17:52.365 --> 00:17:55.748
And you know, sometimes, sometimes that takes time.
00:17:57.588 --> 00:18:08.057
I think trust is a big deal because you get so lost in this chaos of the relationship that you're in the apologies and the abuse and it goes back and forth.
00:18:08.057 --> 00:18:19.188
You question your reality and when you get out I think it is difficult to trust yourself again, like understand what is real, what is okay and what's you.
00:18:19.188 --> 00:18:20.989
So I think that's a big deal.
00:18:21.811 --> 00:18:22.934
And you bring up a good point.
00:18:22.934 --> 00:18:24.721
Because that's what they're trying to do.
00:18:24.721 --> 00:18:27.278
They're trying to erode who you are.
00:18:27.278 --> 00:18:29.696
They want to take that person away.
00:18:29.696 --> 00:18:32.155
So you're their puppet, you're their extension.
00:18:32.155 --> 00:18:35.958
You're not you anymore, you're just what they tell you to do.
00:18:35.958 --> 00:18:38.438
You aren't your own person.
00:18:38.438 --> 00:18:52.923
So all of those qualities that they saw in you in the beginning, they think, by taking that away from you, that that's somehow they're gaining, they're controlling, they're winning because if he can't have those qualities, neither can I.
00:18:52.923 --> 00:18:59.884
And he's going to make sure of it right by um, trying to snuff me out, trying to steal my energy.
00:19:00.230 --> 00:19:06.056
Yeah, learning to trust my intuition again, because I did have some red flags along the way and I didn't listen.
00:19:06.056 --> 00:19:14.236
I thought, you know, and he took advantage of the fact that I have empathy, I'm a special ed teacher and you know he can be helped.
00:19:14.236 --> 00:19:17.344
You know he's working on it, um.
00:19:17.344 --> 00:19:23.681
So you know I told myself those things, even though you know I really should have listened to my intuition when I showed up the first time.
00:19:23.681 --> 00:19:32.337
So I will say that my short-term memory has been affected, my balance coordination has been affected, but it's improving.
00:19:32.337 --> 00:19:42.481
It is definitely improving, and I reiterated everything I knew about narcissistic personality disorder so I could be an acceptance of his actions because they weren't about me.
00:19:42.481 --> 00:19:49.603
I'm not going to take it personally and what I learned first of all, like I mentioned, they all work from the same handbook, so it's not just me.
00:19:49.603 --> 00:19:54.650
I've read other stories from other women who've experienced the exact same thing and it's just what.
00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:25.646
00:00:25.646 --> 00:00:26.890
00:00:26.890 --> 00:00:33.908
00:00:33.908 --> 00:00:42.341
00:00:42.341 --> 00:00:46.423
00:00:46.423 --> 00:01:06.495
00:01:06.515 --> 00:01:12.617
00:01:12.617 --> 00:01:20.792
00:01:20.792 --> 00:01:21.194
00:01:21.194 --> 00:01:21.477
00:01:21.477 --> 00:01:28.173
00:01:28.173 --> 00:01:36.251
00:01:36.272 --> 00:01:45.046
00:01:45.046 --> 00:01:46.170
00:01:46.170 --> 00:01:55.112
00:01:55.112 --> 00:02:00.269
00:02:00.269 --> 00:02:06.489
00:02:06.489 --> 00:02:07.951
00:02:07.951 --> 00:02:11.099
00:02:11.099 --> 00:02:20.626
00:02:20.626 --> 00:02:23.831
00:02:23.831 --> 00:02:30.204
00:02:30.204 --> 00:02:32.191
00:02:33.093 --> 00:02:33.956
00:02:33.956 --> 00:02:37.645
00:02:37.645 --> 00:02:38.447
00:02:38.447 --> 00:02:55.090
00:02:55.090 --> 00:03:03.163
00:03:03.163 --> 00:03:04.265
00:03:04.265 --> 00:03:16.304
00:03:16.213 --> 00:03:17.456
00:03:17.456 --> 00:03:17.556
00:03:17.556 --> 00:03:27.508
00:03:27.508 --> 00:03:30.056
00:03:30.056 --> 00:03:35.405
00:03:35.405 --> 00:03:37.967
00:03:37.967 --> 00:03:50.627
00:03:50.907 --> 00:03:52.855
00:03:52.855 --> 00:03:54.040
00:03:54.040 --> 00:03:55.967
00:03:55.967 --> 00:03:57.391
00:03:57.391 --> 00:03:58.556
00:03:58.556 --> 00:04:03.830
00:04:03.830 --> 00:04:04.931
00:04:04.931 --> 00:04:09.173
00:04:09.173 --> 00:04:16.831
00:04:16.831 --> 00:04:19.110
00:04:19.110 --> 00:04:23.470
00:04:23.571 --> 00:04:24.475
00:04:24.475 --> 00:04:29.670
00:04:29.670 --> 00:04:37.230
00:04:37.230 --> 00:04:38.463
00:04:38.463 --> 00:04:41.908
00:04:42.100 --> 00:04:44.742
00:04:44.781 --> 00:04:46.062
00:04:46.062 --> 00:04:51.088
00:04:51.088 --> 00:04:57.312
00:04:57.312 --> 00:05:01.115
00:05:01.115 --> 00:05:07.704
00:05:07.704 --> 00:05:08.528
00:05:08.528 --> 00:05:20.391
00:05:20.459 --> 00:05:22.923
00:05:22.923 --> 00:05:24.286
00:05:24.286 --> 00:05:34.713
00:05:34.713 --> 00:05:44.240
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:51.899
00:05:52.300 --> 00:06:07.822
00:06:07.822 --> 00:06:17.911
00:06:17.911 --> 00:06:25.156
00:06:25.156 --> 00:06:33.447
00:06:33.447 --> 00:06:35.430
00:06:35.430 --> 00:06:36.480
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:37.985
00:06:39.470 --> 00:06:42.057
00:06:42.057 --> 00:06:43.000
00:06:43.860 --> 00:06:46.245
00:06:46.245 --> 00:06:48.629
00:06:48.629 --> 00:06:52.415
00:06:52.415 --> 00:06:58.850
00:06:58.850 --> 00:07:03.110
00:07:03.110 --> 00:07:03.791
00:07:03.791 --> 00:07:09.526
00:07:09.646 --> 00:07:14.711
00:07:14.711 --> 00:07:20.740
00:07:20.740 --> 00:07:21.603
00:07:21.603 --> 00:07:24.870
00:07:24.870 --> 00:07:27.144
00:07:27.144 --> 00:07:28.247
00:07:28.247 --> 00:07:36.043
00:07:36.062 --> 00:07:45.024
00:07:45.024 --> 00:07:49.572
00:07:49.572 --> 00:08:02.281
00:08:02.281 --> 00:08:04.040
00:08:04.040 --> 00:08:09.182
00:08:09.182 --> 00:08:14.266
00:08:14.266 --> 00:08:16.565
00:08:16.987 --> 00:08:23.189
00:08:23.189 --> 00:08:29.732
00:08:29.732 --> 00:08:44.437
00:08:45.238 --> 00:08:47.798
00:08:49.399 --> 00:08:50.201
00:08:50.221 --> 00:08:53.627
00:08:53.627 --> 00:08:56.514
00:08:56.514 --> 00:09:00.649
00:09:00.649 --> 00:09:03.144
00:09:03.664 --> 00:09:13.793
00:09:13.793 --> 00:09:25.375
00:09:25.375 --> 00:09:27.807
00:09:27.807 --> 00:09:31.524
00:09:31.524 --> 00:09:51.565
00:09:51.565 --> 00:09:54.712
00:09:54.712 --> 00:09:57.830
00:09:57.830 --> 00:10:03.152
00:10:03.152 --> 00:10:04.140
00:10:04.522 --> 00:10:05.903
00:10:05.903 --> 00:10:09.589
00:10:09.589 --> 00:10:11.251
00:10:11.251 --> 00:10:14.903
00:10:16.365 --> 00:10:17.168
00:10:17.168 --> 00:10:18.309
00:10:18.309 --> 00:10:25.192
00:10:25.192 --> 00:10:30.943
00:10:30.943 --> 00:10:42.657
00:10:42.657 --> 00:10:45.403
00:10:45.985 --> 00:10:48.028
00:10:48.028 --> 00:10:49.131
00:10:49.131 --> 00:10:56.898
00:10:56.898 --> 00:11:01.610
00:11:01.610 --> 00:11:04.528
00:11:04.528 --> 00:11:12.913
00:11:12.913 --> 00:11:15.701
00:11:15.701 --> 00:11:22.823
00:11:22.823 --> 00:11:51.998
00:11:52.138 --> 00:11:52.538
00:11:52.597 --> 00:11:53.798
00:11:53.798 --> 00:11:58.105
00:11:58.105 --> 00:11:59.889
00:11:59.889 --> 00:12:01.472
00:12:01.472 --> 00:12:16.063
00:12:16.063 --> 00:12:17.225
00:12:17.225 --> 00:12:19.530
00:12:19.530 --> 00:12:21.601
00:12:21.601 --> 00:12:22.484
00:12:22.484 --> 00:12:30.066
00:12:30.086 --> 00:12:42.870
00:12:42.870 --> 00:12:45.909
00:12:45.909 --> 00:12:47.085
00:12:47.085 --> 00:12:53.768
00:12:53.768 --> 00:13:03.030
00:13:03.030 --> 00:13:04.472
00:13:04.472 --> 00:13:06.796
00:13:06.796 --> 00:13:11.940
00:13:11.940 --> 00:13:15.639
00:13:15.639 --> 00:13:21.947
00:13:21.947 --> 00:13:23.510
00:13:23.510 --> 00:13:31.784
00:13:31.784 --> 00:13:37.547
00:13:37.547 --> 00:13:39.111
00:13:39.111 --> 00:13:43.030
00:13:43.030 --> 00:13:54.730
00:13:54.730 --> 00:13:58.846
00:13:58.866 --> 00:14:01.370
00:14:01.370 --> 00:14:10.503
00:14:10.503 --> 00:14:12.368
00:14:12.368 --> 00:14:13.650
00:14:13.650 --> 00:14:14.091
00:14:14.091 --> 00:14:15.383
00:14:15.383 --> 00:14:22.105
00:14:22.105 --> 00:14:30.469
00:14:31.410 --> 00:14:32.793
00:14:32.793 --> 00:14:35.524
00:14:35.524 --> 00:14:40.153
00:14:40.153 --> 00:14:45.611
00:14:45.611 --> 00:14:47.243
00:14:47.243 --> 00:14:47.504
00:14:47.845 --> 00:14:51.277
00:14:51.277 --> 00:14:53.743
00:14:53.743 --> 00:14:55.125
00:14:55.125 --> 00:14:56.347
00:14:56.347 --> 00:14:58.953
00:14:58.953 --> 00:15:00.566
00:15:00.566 --> 00:15:02.105
00:15:02.105 --> 00:15:08.966
00:15:08.966 --> 00:15:18.969
00:15:18.969 --> 00:15:23.120
00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:28.429
00:15:28.990 --> 00:15:34.505
00:15:34.505 --> 00:15:38.854
00:15:38.854 --> 00:15:42.206
00:15:42.206 --> 00:15:44.652
00:15:44.652 --> 00:15:52.049
00:15:52.289 --> 00:15:53.873
00:15:53.873 --> 00:15:55.715
00:15:55.715 --> 00:15:58.345
00:15:58.345 --> 00:16:01.732
00:16:01.732 --> 00:16:02.966
00:16:02.966 --> 00:16:08.527
00:16:08.527 --> 00:16:10.491
00:16:10.491 --> 00:16:18.097
00:16:18.097 --> 00:16:22.648
00:16:22.648 --> 00:16:30.652
00:16:30.652 --> 00:16:32.162
00:16:32.783 --> 00:16:36.148
00:16:36.148 --> 00:16:40.900
00:16:40.900 --> 00:16:41.962
00:16:41.962 --> 00:16:44.710
00:16:44.710 --> 00:16:47.557
00:16:47.557 --> 00:16:49.562
00:16:49.663 --> 00:17:03.385
00:17:03.706 --> 00:17:09.886
00:17:09.886 --> 00:17:11.811
00:17:11.811 --> 00:17:14.744
00:17:14.744 --> 00:17:19.581
00:17:19.581 --> 00:17:23.148
00:17:23.148 --> 00:17:29.590
00:17:29.590 --> 00:17:37.247
00:17:37.247 --> 00:17:52.365
00:17:52.365 --> 00:17:55.748
00:17:57.588 --> 00:18:08.057
00:18:08.057 --> 00:18:19.188
00:18:19.188 --> 00:18:20.989
00:18:21.811 --> 00:18:22.934
00:18:22.934 --> 00:18:24.721
00:18:24.721 --> 00:18:27.278
00:18:27.278 --> 00:18:29.696
00:18:29.696 --> 00:18:32.155
00:18:32.155 --> 00:18:35.958
00:18:35.958 --> 00:18:38.438
00:18:38.438 --> 00:18:52.923
00:18:52.923 --> 00:18:59.884
00:19:00.230 --> 00:19:06.056
00:19:06.056 --> 00:19:14.236
00:19:14.236 --> 00:19:17.344
00:19:17.344 --> 00:19:23.681
00:19:23.681 --> 00:19:32.337
00:19:32.337 --> 00:19:42.481
00:19:42.481 --> 00:19:49.603
00:19:49.603 --> 00:19:54.650